Dave,<P>sounds as if you are doing good.<P>good luck with the eye thing, I am too chicken.

um... wat, <I>avoiding</I> is such a strong word.... ummmm....<P>lol

Dave,<P>I'm sitting here at the Dealership waiting for tire change. <P>When my H informed he was filing there were various reasons as time went by. But the last and most believeable was that he said he needed to relieve his guilt. That D was the only way to make him feel he could start fresh, guiltless.<P>I found it interesting that a few weeks aft the D was finalized, H told me he was having recurring nightmares about me which he couldn't shake. I wanted to remind him that his reason for D in the first place was to alleviate the guilt, so I would guess I wasn't the cause of his guilt in the first place. His guilt was from HIS actions and he owned it. And having an A and abandoning me had only added to it.<P>Being his second A in our marriage, and repeating the same actions almost to the letter has told me he hasn't learned anything from these experiences. <P>I, on the other hand, am determined not to repeat. <P>Jo<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 20, 2001).]

Jo - What are you not going to repeat, giving him a chance for OW #3? I hope this is what you meant. You are already a success story.<P>I have yet to hear a good, consistent reason for my wife's desire for a divorce. The "reason" for the separation was because I was abusive and she was no longer "in love" with me. As you know, now I'm "controlling," but, I guess I'm no longer "abusive." Who knows what I'll be next. One thing that's impossible for her to refute: she turned down all offers for counseling, so she can't say that our differences were "irreconciliable."<P>The one thing she's consistent about is this seemingly uncompromising "fact" that we can no longer have a relationship. This was evident in her famous rationale for why she had to move out a year ago today - she HAD to because I decided NOT to leave. <P>Understand? <P>It's all as if she was given this assignment from the Mothership to end everything and it HAS to happen. No counseling, no options, no muss, no fuss.<P>Can you say, "stubborn?"<P>Dave<p>[This message has been edited by worthatry (edited August 20, 2001).]

Yes Dave, NO OW #3 for me. <P>Your wife said "we can no longer have a relationship"? But now she wants to be friends? Isn't being friends a "relationship"?<P>Too hard to try and figure out what they "say", Dave. I say deal and act upon their actions alone. Simply because in the last 24 mos I have heard so many reasons and justifications from my H, I made myself crazy analyzing every single one. <P>They don't know "WHY", they just "FEEL" and that's what drives them. No logic, no reasonable thinking, strictly "feelings". <P>Lv,<BR>Jo<P>p.s. BF Goodrich and they ROCK! Thanks Dave & Orchid! <p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 20, 2001).]