O…..<P>Sorry, but it took me a while to catch up with what was going on this morning. I read your posts and the wonderful supporting responses you got and I don’t know if I can add much that will be of any help….except to say that I wish you could look at this whole thing as part of the process...and not as a pivotal point in your relationship but as a further complication that needs to be dealt with.<P>Sure in the best of scenarios WH's guilt and the threat of losing his family would be enough to either make our WH see the light immediately and stop all contact with OP….or at least after some wonderful Plan Aing, WH would eventually see the light and recommit to the marriage and ending contact with OW….BUT….a lot of times….even in MB marriages that eventually will reach recovery….backsliding has and does occur. <P>I don’t know what exactly this depends on but I think it usually is indicative of how unstable a personality the WH is to start out with and how deep his attachment/addiction is to OP. And I do think addiction is the proper term….because just like an addiction this is not something you can't force a person to give up easily….it is something they have to choose to give up and even then it’s not easy for them….and they’re prone to slip back into the addiction with a little exposure.<P>If this is where your WH is (like mine)….then you are right that you can do nothing further…aside from stepping back and turning your attention to “your needs” and “your future” until such time as he “wants” to end the addiction. If we stand by and provide support (pick up the slack, so to speak), then we perpetuate the continuance of the addiction. Let it take its natural course….difficult at the very best….while letting him know that we will be there for them when they can end this thing with OW.<P>I agree with Trueheart that it is a mistake to assume that this is not painful for WH and that he is guilty about his inability to make a decision and break away (even if he really wants to). My WH appears to want to end this whole thing (and he is...gradually….I think by aversion therapy) but he would prefer for her to end it to make it easier. So I’m letting him handle it at his own pace and in his own way….and perhaps that will bring finality to it.<P>On a lighter note (if there is one in this whole thing)….I laughed to myself when you mentioned leaving his clothes in the garage….I did similar….except I took them to the office and put them in his car. Well, there they stayed….for months….until he came home and they are still here. This might serve to demonstrate how tenuous his relationship with OW was/is in his own mind. <P>I am hesitant to urge you to continue as I do think you need to draw the line when this all begins to affect your health….but I think that distancing yourself (perhaps in Plan B) will give you to time to recover your strengthen and give him the time he needs to break away from OW. This is so much easier….no anger, no guilt, no repercussions, no ultimatums, just acceptance of what is….and an continuing commitment to the marriage in the event that he once more can give his total commitment to same.<P>For now, please give yourself one of my special hugs….remember…hands crossed to shoulders and squeeze real hard.<P>Faye<BR>

Just wanted to send a hug to you Orchid. You have helped so many including myself to see the light of how destructive affairs are and how lives can be absolutely shattered.<P>I know I will never do it again. I am taking steps now, before the temptation comes to protect myself against my own weaknesses. I can't control my H only pray for him.<P>I'm sorry. You're a strong lady (NOT a wimp) and attractive (because I have experienced a taste of what is inside of you). You will love again... <P>Regarding the nightmares and trouble sleeping, perhaps this promise of God will help you see that God wants you to get a GOOD night's sleep! Listen! I found your name in the bible!<P>"When <B>Orchid</B> lies down, she shall not be afraid: yes, she shall lie down, and her sleep shall be sweet. She shall not be afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it comes. For the Lord shall be <B>Orchid's</B> confidence, and shall keep her foot from being taken." (Proverbs 3:24-26)<P>"Be still, and know that I am God <B>Orchid</B>, I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth." (Psalms 46:10)<P>"<B>Orchid</B> shall not be afraid of evil tidings: her heart is fixed, trusting in the Lord." (Psalms 112:7)<P>When we are at our weakest, it's really great because that is when God is His strongest.<P>One more to think about at bedtimes...<BR>"And God said to <B>Orchid</B>, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will <B>Orchid</B> rather glory in her infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon her." (2 Corinthians 12:9)<P>Good night, Orchid!<3<3<3<P>[This message has been edited by BINthereDUNthat (edited August 30, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by BINthereDUNthat (edited August 30, 2001).]