Sally,<P>First, {{{{{huge hug}}}}} !!!!!<P>There is nothing wrong with you. There is also nothing wrong with being a devoted W & M. There is nothing wrong with having values, morals & faith. <P>You have tried very hard by Plan A to show your H the goodness that all these attributes bring.<P>His fog is much to thick. I'm not sure if Plan B is the right route, (it scares me). But maybe more for you & less for him is in order.<P>I know how you feel. The unknown future, the lost dreams, the broken vows, the disrespect& selfishness.<P>The 1 thing I have realized the most is that the WS seems to not be able to put themselves in our shoes.<P>If they could they would see the light.<P>God Bless. Wouldn't a miracle be nice right about now ?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by LostMyLove:<BR><B> Sally.....i wasnt trying to be out of line but just wondering how you find the time to be online when you stated how much you have to do. .</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Why would this be any of your business and how is it relevent? I guess I don't see the purpose for your question except to make Sally feel bad. Which leads me to my next question: don't you think she is feeling bad enough already? Explain your purpose.

Hi Sally. Just read your post and had to reply. I'm so very sorry that your H is acting like a jerk! I know you must be really hurting. Maybe it's time to move on to plan B. I know you say that he is staying with MIL. Do you think you're ready for plan B? He had absolutely no right to belittle you like that. You are a wonderful loving person and deserve to be treated as such. Hon I know it's hard for you right now you must trust in God. We are all praying for you. In the worst of circumstances we find inner strength that we never knew we had. God is there for you. Remember what goes around comes around. Hang in there. <BR>Hugs & Prayers,<BR>cybil

To vegarose, Thank you for your reply. I will hold my head up high I have to be strong. I have gotten some information from an attnorey and I am def. doing what is best for me and my children. It means a lot to me when I check to see who replied, and I am just floored at the responses and the caring I have recieved today, I mean that to everyone who has answered me, i never had a thread over 1 page thats something. To Louser, Thank you for your reply,I have tried for 14 months to show him how much this M means to me and that I want to whatever I can to make it work. Instead he decided to have a EA/PA I told him today I hope someday he feels the pain that he has caused me. The fog certainly is thick, I hope he gets help for himself he certainly needs it. Love and Hugs to you love Sally To Dana114, thank you for replying it means a lot to me. I was very upset at that ? lostmylove asked meI don't know what that has to do with anything?? I find time to come on this site this is my therapy , and she certainly made me feel bad especially today. love Sally To cybil,Thank you also everyone has been so supportive.Yes I am ready for planb I don't think there is any other way right now. He has been belittling me lately and I am getting tired of it, sometimes he does it in front of the kids. I pray every day for a miracle that he will see what he is doing and realize what he is giving up before it is to late. thank you for the hugs and prayers. I am hurting very bad today and tonight my mom has been wonderful for me through all this she is also devastated he is like a son to her we are all such a very close family, that's what makes this even more difficult he is giving up so much all for this OW who by the way is married and has a son could you believe what else will I discover???? Love and hugs to you cybil Love Sally

Sorry to all for the horrible way I typed my reply to all it was supposed to be seperate paragraphs but it didn't work that way. Hope you don't mind reading it that way. Sally <BR>

<BR>Hi Sad Sally:<P>You know this argument was not about oil heaters or pictures or bad words between you and your WH...I'm sure you had arugments before. This argument was about frustration....frustration that your WH won't realize what a mistake his is making....frustration that your life is changing in ways you don't want...frustration that all your good efforts always seem to end in LBing...the list goes on and on...from D day on we live in a world of frustration.<P>Why? Well, I don't know if your kids are teenagers, but the situation is similar...at some point unless you're lucky...you will have this same feeling with your teenager...frustration that dispite your admonitions he or she has done something you are very opposed to...something that makes you question your parenting skills.<P>But you can't ground your WH...and talking to him is useless..all he wants is out (he thinks)...and he will act very much like a stubborn child wanting his way. But you can let him have it (no, not the frying pan)...let him have what he thinks he wants...separation. <P>There is no quicker way to end your frustration (at least in having to deal with him while he deeply in the fog) then to let him go and experience what he thinks he wants. <BR>As it is...your frustration and his fog are doing more damage then good to your marriage. If he is insistent that he will not give up OW then separation will allow you to separate yourself from the everyday strife of dealing with WH and the fog...and allow you to present yourself in a more pleasant light when you get the opportunity to Plan A your WH. <P>It takes time to progress through the hurt so that you can begin to move pass the mental images of WH and OW together (and then it just moves to picturing it once a week rather then 10 times at day)...but it does happen.<P>When you can leave the anger behind (not that its not justified...but its not conducive to rebuilding) then things will get easier and you can focus more on reasons and remedies...not just on whys and why nots.<P>These arguments just end up making you feel bad and hopeless...and needing to vent...and its good that you have MB to vent too...but next time...realize that there is no profit in situations that end like this...not to restoring your marriage. <P>Faye

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Dana114:<BR><B> Why would this be any of your business and how is it relevent? I guess I don't see the purpose for your question except to make Sally feel bad. Which leads me to my next question: don't you think she is feeling bad enough already? Explain your purpose.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Dana,<BR>It was not a question for Sally, but rather a statement, and not meaning it to be malicious or make her feel bad. Just asking her how in the world does she find all the time to do what she does while under this stress and also be able to come online alittle. Besides she and i already responded about it as you will see. I would say thats giving her alot of credit!!!!!!!Why would i want to make another feel bad when i have and still experiencing a H like hers but my H also physically abused me at times.<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by LostMyLove:<BR><B> [QUOTE]<BR>Dana,<BR>It was not a question for Sally, but rather a statement, and not meaning it to be malicious or make her feel bad. Just asking her how in the world does she find all the time to do what she does while under this stress and also be able to come online alittle.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>LML,<P>It sounds alot better now that you put it that way, but it did sound very questionable the way you originally put it. Thanks for clearing that up, no harm done.<P>Dana<P>