Freddy,<P>Just checking in... What's up?<P><BR>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Freddy,<P>I want you to know that I know how you feel as far as your revenge A (or whatever you call it). I've recently found my H met the potential OW from April. They met 2 times in May after he and I discussed how wrong this was. He wanted an autograph from a coach at Duke University. Well, he wanted that damn autograph more than he obviously wants his family because he met to get it. The 2nd meeting was because they talked on the phone and he sounded so down. She bought him an inspiration book, which he later gave to me saying he felt bad I was depressed - he said HE bought it for me.<P>Anyway, I look back at how selfish he's been and just so inconsiderate. He needs attention from women and he tells them how bad his life is and how trapped he feels so these women are just dying to help him through this. I don't think it has anything to do with SF at all - it's just the attention he craves.<P><B>I want that attention! I want someone to boost my ego, too.</B> I can feel myself doing the same things he's done. <P>I have asked him to leave though - November 1st!<P>Good luck to you!

Hi Guys,<P>I'm still here - I'm struggling ;( but I'm still here Thanks for the notes, I'm reading them all, I'm listening to what you guys are saying and I'm trying to work on the issues.<P>Discussed A's with the W this weekend. She doesn't want to know about my A - said I could have 5 affairs, she didn't care as long as she didn't know. Slowly, very slowly she's starting to give some informatiom about her OM. That they've been talking. That she's told him about her difficulties with me. All that good stuff. The discussion left me a depressed and feeling like I just didn't want to be around her. Man, what a screw-up.<P>I slept alone last night - my choice. The spare room just felt better. At sometime in the night she came to me, got in and gave me a hug. The bed's too small, so she left again. I guess we're both struggling with this but I need to hold out for the relationship I wantn to have. I've been resigned to circumstances for years and it's got to change.<P>- Freddy<P>

Gosh Freddy,<BR>I think I'm feeling you A LOT on this one. If you're anything like me, you want your woman to fight for ya, so to hear her say "I don't care, as long as I don't know about your affairs" is EXTREMELY hurtful!<P>Consider yourself hugged. Your wife is just one of those sort of tough women (on the outside). You haven't figured out how to get to the right button inside her yet.<P>I think giving up on your relationship now is too soon because obviously you love her a lot. Keep taking good care of yourself and doing things for you! EXCEPT having affairs! I think she'll come around as you both continue to spend time fixing what is wrong. Don't give up yet, Freddy!<P>Be honest about your feelings too. She cares or else she would not have come to give you that hug after she thought about it all... She cares.

Freddy--<BR>At the start of all this, my H gave me his blessings on finding someone else...said it would hurt but I deserved it...<P>Even told me what other guys would like about me in bed...(NOW THAT WAS HURTFUL!)<P>However, once hit with stark reality...when someone showed interest...when I went on a weekend conference...suddenly, the green monster hit...<P>It may be deep within your wife, but your words will sink in...don't withdraw from her...the best thing I did was to keep attaching to my H...keep the intimacy going...practicing radical honesty with him...<P>Read over "The Three States of Mind in Marriage" in Basic Concepts...might give you some idea of what I mean by withrawal...<P>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>