I so feel your pain and confusion.<P>Some observations and comments for some of you regardless of which side of the infidelity you are on.<P>Dr. Harley has indicated in various articles on the subject that affairs rarely lead to marriage and that 25% of those that do end in divorce. I really have no idea whether or not these statistics are correct or not but I will take his word for it. <P>I think it is safe to assume that when men have an affair (I use that term to describe a sexual relationship outside of marriage) they may have no intention of ever leaving their spouse and family. It is just that - an "affair". If a woman has an affair, however, it is in all likelihood because her emotional needs were not met and she was very depressed in her marriage. She does not usually enter into an affair lightly. She probably really believes she is "in love" with the OP. She is more likely to leave her spouse although it is extremely painful especially if there are children involved. Now if the love interest of hers is married too and does not leave his spouse, then she will return to her spouse usually and try to work it out, which, because she is probably very depressed, she feels is her best option.<P>But what if the love interest has left his spouse (before the A), proceeds with the legalities and is adamant that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her? He says things like:<P>"I love you forever"<BR>"You are the love of my life"<BR>"I will love you until the day I die"<BR>"I cherish you, adore you"<BR>"I love you unconditionally"<BR>"I have never been so much in love before"<BR>"Even if no intimacy, I will love you forever"<BR>"You are such a treasure, a gift"<BR>"You are so beautiful"<BR>"I will always be there for you, no matter what your decision"<BR>"I will always be waiting in the wings for you and will never love another again"<P>What if these are not just "words" - he has shown it in his actions.<P>What if the feelings are mutual? What if she is married to a verbally and emotionally abusive spouse(even though he is a Christian) who has a created dissension in the home with his behaviour to the detriment of his wife and children?<P>She is very much in love with the OM and it is sincerely reciprocal. He is a loving, caring individual with integrity (despite the A - remember he was already separated). He has already asked her to marry him.<P>What should she do? Married for 16.5 years, most of which have been unhappy, with 3 children. <P>

Hey Fall From Grace here's a idea Instead of talking about YOURSELF on someone else thread why don't you start your own thread and ask your question.<P>Even thought I don't know your story I take a stab at it. Your a female WS the OM is the man of your dreams BLAH BLAH BLAH. So if your marriage is so unhappy and the OM is so great whats the problem? Why are you here? Go go for it FFG! Hey your H will survive very well w/o you. <P> Honestly I don't get why you WS who are not interested in saving your marriages are posting on a site called MARRIAGEBUILDERS?