Hello all,<P>From my perspective as a BMIL I tend to agree with snl, BrambleRose, and Dana411. A person chooses to betray his/her spouse. The WS's choice harms the BS, the <BR>children, AND the rest of the family and their friends. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. An affair is a community affair (no pun intended). On that line of thinking, IMHO affairs hurt society, too.<P>One must be accountable for one's choices, and choices have consequences. Terrified, the reason your H doesn't want people to know is because he knows how wrong he is and is trying to avoid the consequences of his choices. If he says that people knowing about the separation will interfer with your recovery, it's his attempt to rationalize his choice to leave you. It's not your fault for telling others. Please, BSs don't let WSs make YOU feel embarrassed for what THEY did. Don't cover up for them. They made the mistake. Part of the consequence is to own up for what they did, apologize, and make amends to EVERYONE they hurt, not just the BS. <P>My S and DIL are beginning a shaky recovery. I am in plan A about the situation for now. But someday, I expect an apology from my DIL. She deceived me and lied to me too.<BR>I have been heartbroken. BTW, her own mother has been horrible to her.<P>T, why don't you run copies of the MB basic concepts and share them with your mother. She may become more supporting. She's probably appalled by what your H has done, and angry. Your mom may have shared what you told her to help ease her own pain. (I know that doesn't excuse her breaking your trust. I always asked my S what I could share, ever with family.) Also, MB concepts do sound strangely forgiving and accepting for a lot of people. They tend to think in terms of retaliation. Of course, we know better.<P><BR>My humble opinion: If your H doesn't want people to know, he shouldn't have done it. <BR>
