Dumplin,<P>I'm a little ditzy, you'll have to clarify the good versus bad guys for me! I think my situation isn't as severe as it could be though. I know that if I made a commitment to be a full-time musician then I'd be signing a death warrant on my marriage. In our current state, it just wouldn't work and I would be divorced before too long. Hey, I'm no newbie here. I'm here because my marriage isn't the best in the world. So, just doing this on the weekends half-way satisfies my needs to play and to get 'special attention'. And about the part earlier about the spouses who stay at home while their musician hubbies go play? Do they cheat? They can. Mine did a year ago in October and I'm still recovering and it is so hard to go play on a weekend wondering if she is on the phone with that guy. But...I'm getting off of the topic some. I'm not exposed as much to the temptation because I do this stuff part-time. But it DOES HAPPEN. Ultimately, it's my choice as to what to do - or not to do.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Resilient:<BR><STRONG>I hear ya, Anna.<P>My H is the same way. He thinks his words and actions are golden and he knows all. <P>My H is a very weak man, VERY. And like your H, admiration is his numero uno EN, followed closely by SF. A lethal combo for a musician.<P>During this last A my H would say things like "I'm not a good groupie and I think I'm too good to be a groupie". Ughhh! He wasn't getting the adoration from me he was getting from OW. Well, <B>Xcuse me</B> but I have lived with you for nearly 20 years and it's kinda hard remembering to kiss your AZZ everytime you walk into the room. Plus I work a conventional job and have to get up early to go to WORK. (sorry .. guess you can sense a sore subject for me here)<P>I did admire my H's talent, and he damn well knew it. I told him all the time, but I guess that wasn't enough .. he wanted me to always stand in awe of him ... like OW would do. To begin with I had lost a degree of respect for him from his first A (lying and sneaking around and OCs), and rebuilding that was not easy, then he wants me to act like a groupie??? WHAT IS THAT? The man is simply human ... he's not a god.<P>I dunno how you try and match the adoration and admiration they get from the groupies. I thought I shouldn't have to, but I guess I was wrong.<P>Maybe Fairydust can tell us how.<P>Jo<P>[ October 23, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>Hello Resilient & Dumplin, <P>So heres where u guys hang out [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] My brother-inlaw is in a band and can relate to you guys. I read some of your posts resilient & dumplin and all I can say is WOW! You guys are special and your husbands should be admiring you for putting up with all this garbage. A marriage is special and should be number one in a persons life and when both partners act this way you will trust each other no matter what their occupation is.<P>Yes most band members get alot of attention and they should be intelligent enough to realize thats all it is. Because when your H's had their A's believe me if they asked the groupie to marry them they probably would then what if he got a normal job; Do you think the groupie would stay with him long? NOPE! You see like band members love the attention (as it gives them a big head) and they get out of touch with reality the groupie is also a person who loves the STATUS of being with the band member and all that goes with it (being seen with him, the partying etc...). Now with all that who is the one that should be admired? I think you guys should! My sister doesn't put up with it as she goes to some of his gigs, but her H isn't the type that gets off on the attention, hes very family orientated and actually laughs and shakes his head. They have 3 beautiful kids.<P>My thoughts are out to you guys as I can relate to this. My ex was a bartender (very attractive) and I could see if I was to marry her or have a serious future this would be hard on the relationship. She did leave her job for a different one but got worse as she then slept with a coworker. I feel we should not have to worry and its up to our spouse to reassure us.<P>God Bless , Tom

Hi Tom. <P>Maybe I can clarify my earlier question. How do you tell when a musician is a generally good guy (he cheated, but it was like other affairs-the marriage needed alot of work) from the ones without character and morals that Jo referred to earlier?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dumplin:<BR><STRONG>Hi Tom. <P>Maybe I can clarify my earlier question. How do you tell when a musician is a generally good guy (he cheated, but it was like other affairs-the marriage needed alot of work) from the ones without character and morals that Jo referred to earlier?</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> Hi Dumplin [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<BR>I would look at his belief system first and try to see where he is coming from and what his values are in life. You see anyone can tell you anything so I like to match a person's statement with their actions. Like they say talk is cheap but when their actions are in correlation with what they say then you know they are telling you the truth.<P>I also would have a trusting friend or family member goto a gig or two without him knowing and see how he his on break and what he does when he leaves. How else can you tell? I could go on but I will give this some thought and get back to you about the character as my phone is ringing and I have to take the call.<BR> Tom

Well, maybe you can finish later. My BIL is in the band with him. Believe it or not, when I start really thinking about it, I have faith in him. I know he's messed up and so does he, but I have faith that with work on our marriage it won't happen again. Normally, he comes home immediately after a show. He may stay around and talk with some of the customers or the manager of the club, but then he comes straight home. That's the nights when he doesn't stay at a hotel. When he stays at the hotel, normally they sit around and watch TV. The last time they stayed at a club he and the bass player sat around playing a Playstation game against each other.<P>When I really sit back and think about it, he's a pretty decent guy. I would still like to wring his neck sometimes though. LOL!!

Anyone online tonight?

I'm still at work, Hon. It's 4:20p here, PAC NW time.<P>You alright?<P>Jo

Oh yeah, I'm alright. H went deer hunting and older son is playing Playstation. Younger son is at Grandma's so I'm just lurking on MB. How's your day going? I have some pretty serious stuff that I'd like to talk about whenever you have time.

Sounds interesting, Anna. My day is going pretty good, thank you.<P>I won't be home for another 2 hours ... we have wind storms here in the NW and I have to cross a big ole bridge (Narrows Bridge), we're talkin major traffic.<P>Jo [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Have a safe trip home and be careful! K, sweetie?

Hey chicky (Anna),<p>How are things. I can't assume the old "no news is good news" when it comes to infidelity ... so, you doing okay?<p>Lv,
Jo [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

I'm doing alright. How are you doing? Was about to have a fit though because I couldn't get into the site for a while.

Hi Dumplin & Resilient, [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
How are you guys tonight?

I'm doing good, Anna, But, I'm having technical problems with staying connected. Ughhhh!<p>I'm glad to know things are quiet and uneventful for you and family on the home front. I worry, yanno?<p>I'm going to sign off I think. Have a good evening, sweetie. Talk with you soon, k?<p>Lv,
Jo<p>
Hey there, Tom! How are you guy? Have you made any strides in your situation with your GF? Don't mean to pry, just curious.<p>Jo

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Resilient:
<strong>I'm doing good, Anna, But, I'm having technical problems with staying connected. Ughhhh!<p>I'm glad to know things are quiet and uneventful for you and family on the home front. I worry, yanno?<p>I'm going to sign off I think. Have a good evening, sweetie. Talk with you soon, k?<p>Lv,
Jo<p>
Hey there, Tom! How are you guy? Have you made any strides in your situation with your GF? Don't mean to pry, just curious.<p>Jo</strong><hr></blockquote><p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Hi Resilient,
I'm fine and you? No I didn't take any further steps with the exGF and It's definetly over [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] There is just too much. We are so right for each other in many ways but I THINK we have different views & beliefs about honesty & loyalty and those 2 areas are the most important to me as I feel if you work hard on these areas a marriage will last a lifetime because they are the foundation for a good/successful marriage. But thanx for asking [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hey peoples!!<p>I'm sorry to hear about your exg, Tom.<p>Jo, you got your computer fixed yet?<p>I don't really have much to report right now--just working on things really.

JO,<p>I NEED TO TALK TO YOU. PLEASE DROP ME A LINE THROUGH EMAIL WHEN YOU GET A CHANCE.<p>ANNA

Anna,<p>I just got to work and have meetings all day today ... however, I'll have my laptop on me in the meetings. So here is my email, Hon. Pls email me and I'll respond as soon as I can.<p>I hope you're okay. I'll be waiting to hear from you.<p>Concerned,
Jo<p>
<p>p.s. Anna, if you prefer, you can type a post in here and I'll be keeping an eye on the board too. Which ever works best for you.<p>[ October 25, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Jo, I sent you a message on e-mail. Hope you can help me on this one.<p>Beginning to wonder about the maturity, character, and morals thing.......

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by dumplin:
<strong>Jo, I sent you a message on e-mail. Hope you can help me on this one.<p>Beginning to wonder about the maturity, character, and morals thing.......</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Hello Anna,
I got the email! Are you OK?
Tom