Miseryinmissouri...<P>Thanks for writing! I think we both have something in common relating to our search for a positive, decent relationship. There are many men out there like me who are looking for women that want to be treated with respect and dignity. I know exactly how it feels to be the one committed person in a relationship that seems to be going no where and it feels horrible! <P>Please remain positive and I know you will find someone who will cherish you very soon!<P>Take Care<P>Bryan

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by miserynmissouri:<BR><STRONG>I would give anything to find a decent, kind man. Do they exist? I am afraid that Jim has colored my expectations of men. I am really starting to see how poorly he treated me over the years. NEVER AGAIN!!!!<P>[ October 12, 2001: Message edited by: miserynmissouri ]</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>They exist, don't lower your standard or expectation a bit. If they don't treat you right when you are dating they never treat you right later. If you found one make sure you put all EN defenses all around him so that no OP fill it in.

Hi PB ~<P>I started a thread on this topic some months ago over on the D/D board. Maybe you'd be interested - because I used to be one of those women who was attracted to the bad boys.<P>Here's the link: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=34&t=003118" TARGET=_blank>Nice Guys Finishing Last</A> .<P>Hope that gives you some insight.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by positivebryan:<BR><STRONG>Dumplin...<P>I problem is not being too nice, but I do have a problem, like most other guys out there, trying to figure out what the hell most women want. If I treat you nice, you think something is wrong, if I treat you like crap and ignore you, you think something is wrong, if I open doors for you and be respectful to you, you think something is wrong, and if I don't call you for a few days, you think something is wrong. <P></STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I think you inadvertantly hit the nail on the head here. You need to stop obsessing with what you THINK they want and instead focus on what YOU want. What do *YOU* want? What do *YOU* like? All of your designs are targeted towards getting them to like you. Once you quit worrying about that and instead concern yourself with what *YOU* like, you will relax and things will change. Just be yourself.

MelodyLane..<P>Thank You! I needed that shot of reality! <P>It makes total sense!<P>Bryan<P> [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

Bramble..<P>Thanks Much..I will check it out!<P>Bryan

Thanks All!

RedHat..<P>Thanks for your message. I appreciate it!<P>Bryan

Bramble..<P>Wow!! I just read your thread that you patched over to me and I must say, that answered ALOT of my questions! That was a very very good post and it puts this issue in perspective for me! <P>Thank You and I wish you the best!<P>Bryan [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi PB,<BR>I'm coming in late, but my 2 cents is that there is something unhealthy about us when we choose to stay in an unhealthy, sick relationship--for however long or short.

Hi,PB, I have read several of your posts..and I think you ARE a great guy and that you will be happy.<BR>I'm too old for you and married but I have a 24 yr old daughter..LOL.<BR>My H IS a bad boy,under the good boy exterior. Something about the unpredicabilty,perhaps? Why? I wish I knew...he wants to be the good boy all the time but does all kinds of "rebellious" stuff to show himself he is not so...conformist? Who knows,,,but the inner struggle continues.

Wounded..<P>Thank you for your nice comments. I just have to learn that I need to find someone that I think is good for me and not vice versa! Does your daughter have a boyfriend??? *smile* and do you live anywhere close to Minnesota??? [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]<P>Thanks Again!<P>Bryan

Binthere..<P>I totally agree with you! That is why I am only limiting my relationships to people that are good for me and are HEALTHY emotionally. <P>Thanks Much..I wish you the best!<P>Bryan [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

Hello PB and also I agree with Faith1,<BR> First of all I have to tell Faith1 that there are very few like her these days (compliment [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]) but they are out there! It comes down to a good belief system.<P>PB I talk to sooooooo many women about this as I always love to get a woman's point of view. I love people and like to understand a person. Most women like an exciting guy! For example: When you walk into a club/bar and lets say there is one guy at one end of the bar and another at the other end. Both are attractive the one we will call "PLAYER1" and the other "PLAYER2". P1 is exciting, telling jokes very attentive and just plain old having a great time with the people around him and P2 is just sitting there keeping to himself and kind of shy. Well most women would want to be with someone fun and exciting so they are attracted to P1. They never get to experience P2 in the first place and he is probably a better guy to have a relationship with in the first place. You see alot of women are attracted to that bad boy image and having fun, I cant blame them as we all like to have fun. <BR>You see alot of people both men/women are attracted to a persons personality not their character and end up with that person for all the wrong reasons. When choosing a person one should look at both character and personality. Character goes alot further then personality in a strong realtionship, but personalty is also needed to. I've noticed alot of women don't like a needy type guy, they like the bad boy image! Do you ever notice all the good looking women you see on the back of a harley davidson?

Tomstocks..<P>I agree with you to a point. However, most of the women that I see on Harley's are ugly and rode hard and put away wet looking with too much exposure to the sun! *cool* <P>As for the bad boy image thing, that will only get you so far in a relationship. I have talked to many women that are also attracted to only bad boys and they all seem to have lower self-esteem and they usually have lots of emotional baggage from a previous bad relationship choice or from their childhood. The myth that women choose men alot like their dad is very very true. However, their seems to be a lack of good, moral, decent dads out there and so, we have a society of guys and girls that have the wrong idea of what a positive, moral relationship is all about!<P>I am a good, moral, good-looking, classy guy with good values and I would never change who I am to be with a girl/women that really doesn't know what she wants.<P>The point about being exciting and fun is true, but a good relationship revolves around a good, solid friendship. You can still be fun and exciting and be a guy with high morals and values and actually treat the ladies with the utmost respect. <P>Take Care<P>Bryan [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

Bryan, No my daughter has no boyfriend...she's way too picky/and alas, no where near Minnesota!<P>I was M at 18 and am now 47..I don't even know how to date!!! Can't imagine being part of that life..You keep your standards high,you'll be fine

Wounded..<P>Let me tell you. I am not excited about dating in the least! I really appreciate your kind words! Thank you very much!<P>I wish you and your family the best!<P>Bryan [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by positivebryan:<BR><STRONG>...most of the women that I see on Harley's are ugly and rode hard and put away wet looking with too much exposure to the sun...</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>OMIGOSH! At first I thought you were talking about Harley's website/forum HERE! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I'm not a Harley biker girl, but I have seen some cute ones out there... You must not be in California!!!?? <P>Anyways, I hear you PB on choosing someone that you deserve, someone with a healthy approach to relationships. I wasted 5 years of my young life on someone who I tried to change with my love, as Cali put it. After years of trying to convince this person through endless auditioning, I realized I was beating my head against a brick wall and they were NOT going to change for me.<P>I think another reason why people choose to stay in emotionally unhealthy relationships is due to their life script, you know, what their motto is. Some people have a thing about giving up or quitting. Sometimes the allurement could be for superficial reasons--good looks or great body but no heart, brains but no common sense, loaded with money but stingy, and on and on. Some people have issues (alchoholic and/or abusive parents) from their past and are stuck in ruts finding people just like their abusers. Finding out why is extremely individual and personal, but it is the key to getting ourselves free from the sickness!<P>Everyone needs to be asking ourselves WHY, WHY, WHY. And after getting our answers, keep on asking why. The better we know ourselves, the better we can choose someone who is right for us.<p>[ October 19, 2001: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]

BinThere..<P>Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude about that! I was just giving my opinion of Biker chicks! *sorry to all of you biker gals out there* no offense!<P>Take Care<P>Bryan

Brian,<P>I have been reading this thread over and over trying to figure out why I chose to be with someone that wasn't good for me. <P>It could be because of a little bit of low self-esteem. Don't know why I'm like that, I'm intelligent, attractive, easy to get along with. Nothing in my childhood was bad, I grew up in a loving home.<P>It can't be about my dad. My dad is a good, moral man. He was never abusive, didn't drink, and didn't run around on my mom. So, I didn't choose someone like him. I wish I had though! LOL<P>Yeah, there was a little bit of excitement. But there was also fear. Throw that in with committment and I became a textbook example of a battered wife. I went from am out-going person with a lot of friends to a person who only did things if it was ok with my now-ex. And I lost most of my friends. <P>Now, needless to say, my standards have changed! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I have been away from my ex for almost 2 years. I stil refuse to get into a relationship because I don't completely trust myself to be with someone who'll be good to me and my kids. It's very difficult to get over things like that!<P>Mitzi [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]