up again [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

ark^^ -You were getting close, but you don't quite have it. Infidelity is rampant throughout the animal kingdom(and we are animals). The genetic reason for this is to ensure the survival of ones own genes. There is little dispute about this fact.<p>Back in our "hunter-gatherer" stage, this was used to great effect. And at that time, it was about "survival"(of ones genes). However, today we are about 10-15000 years removed from those times and we have circumvented so much of nature that "survival" is no longer an issue.<p>I always hate to see someone raise this issue since it will be used by someone as a justification for infidelity. At this point in time, humans have outgrown the need for such base survival mechanisms.<p>Case in point, back in those good ole' HG days, we killed those who intruded on our territory because that intrusion could have jeopardized our lives and those of our "clan".<p>If a neighbor child sneaks into your backyard to retrieve a wayward wiffle ball, do you kill him for trespassing? You could justify it if you use the "we are genetically programmed to do this for survival" excuse.<p>There is no excuse for infidelity. It is a conscious decision made for self-aggrandizing reasons.

a note to SNL~<p>Do you think you could come on over to my house sometime and tell my children they will survive the divorce process? Maybe you can explain this all to them in a way that I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO NO MATTER HOW I WRACK MY BRAIN, OR READ BOOKS, OR TAKE THEM TO SHRINKS...can you help with that SNL?<p>And don't talk to the parents here that now have almost total responsiblity for their chidlren about bitter SNL. Child rearing is a tough gig and I somehow doubt that you helped out a whole lot in that area of life with Thinker. <p>Yeah, it hurts kids, tears them apart. I have a good home, the best I can make for them. They are still sad and angry and miss their dad. They will never, ever be the same again. <p>Stop it SNL...stop hurting people. Today you hurt me.<p>You don't need to reply to this. Neither does your wife.<p>[ February 25, 2002: Message edited by: az allison ]</p>

Heartpain...thanks for the post...just for the sake of point and counter point.. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] there are also several species that mate for life...sea-gulls for example mate for life and even take turns sitting on the eggs to have them hatch...and every so often one of the gulls is more agressive in wanting to sit on the eggs and excludes the mate...so eventually the two in constant fighting over who gets to sit on the eggs...stop producing eggs but stay together and do not find others....I think loons mate for life as well but no zoo-oligist am I...so I may be off..so if exceptions to the rule exists..and human do have the gift of reason and choice..could we not be of a species that is the exception....and I agree that using infidelity in the animal kingdom as a lead into justification is about as weak as it can get...
thanks
ARK

az...a note to SNL~Do you think you could come on over to my house sometime and tell my children they will survive the divorce process? Maybe you can explain this all to them in a way that I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO NO MATTER HOW I WRACK MY BRAIN, OR READ BOOKS, OR TAKE THEM TO SHRINKS...can you help with that SNL?<p>snl..Yes I can, I am a child of divorce (I was 4) and I grew up with essentially a single mom, with a brief foray into being part of a step family for awhile, plus my dad was a jerk (not sure if your H is) and I remember quite well what I thought of this, and how I coped...I also understand the the three issues I was saddled with and finally unravelled as an adult...if you are really interested I am willing to talk about it.<p>az...And don't talk to the parents here that now have almost total responsiblity for their chidlren about bitter SNL. Child rearing is a tough gig and I somehow doubt that you helped out a whole lot in that area of life with Thinker. <p>snl..What makes you think that? As for bitter, it is a choice az, it is always a choice, and bitter will consume you, and injure your children.<p>az...Yeah, it hurts kids, tears them apart. I have a good home, the best I can make for them. They are still sad and angry and miss their dad. They will never, ever be the same again.<p>snl...No, they will never be the same, they will be different, it is a different path, it does not have to be a hurtful path, as their mom you have the ability to help with that, your attitude is the most essential component in their well-being...but ultimately it will be up to them to make of their life as they will.<p>az...Stop it SNL...stop hurting people. Today you hurt me.<p>You don't need to reply to this. Neither does your wife.<p>snl...Yes I do need to reply az, it is a dialog, you referenced me specifically, I don't want people to hurt, I do my best to be helpful, how have I hurt you? I am sorry. Your kids will be ok az, there are many of us (children of divorce) who do ok (and I realize what you are thinking, but really I am not dysfunctional), there are also plenty of children from families without divorce who are not doing to well, it is not a defining event in a child's life, it is an important one, but not a defining one.

AZ - Sorry for your pain, you mentioned my name. Nothing to say, just want to give you a (((hug))). Please don't be upset with me, I don't agree with SNL and his theories! I am a compassionate person and I feel your PAIN! Please allow my shoulder for your head to cry. Believe me, this is so hard to see you like this. Please once again, don't blame me, blame SNL only! I am so sorry!