By the way Cali -- he's not leaving until he gets you a house???<P>So basically he's leaving, he's just putting a time frame on it. As soon as he gets you a house.<P>Get your own house. He's just trying to ease his guilt. It won't be quite so bad if he does this one big huge nice thing for you.<BR>Then he'll leave. <P>But for the next two years you have to live with his crap???? Put your foot down!!!!

Cali,<P>You have a lot of support here, dear. How are you doing this morning?<P>L.

I am tired and my eyes are puffy...but I am oddly at peace...<P>I am weighing all my options...trying to pray...but finding it hard to focus on exactly what to pray...<P>Thank you so much for all your support...I couldn't believe when I checked this morning and I had so many replies...<P>I will take the time to reply to you individually...but I am actually 'teaching' today [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]...Power Point....so it will have to wait until after school...<P>THANK YOU!!! HUGS to all of YOU!<P>Cali

Cali- I only have a minute now, but I wanted to tell you that I think you are great. I feel that I understand how you feel; I would love to be able to fix it. <P> (((((((CALI)))))))))<P> Never give up on you. And - pray for love!<P> Dan

One more voice crying out in the wilderness........let him go. He's using you, he's lost all respect for you and you still think you're accomplishing something good by meeting his need for SF and whatever else he feels like letting you meet at any given moment. You are not accomplishing anything positive by meeting his needs anymore.<P>I'll say it again. He has to experience the natural consequences of the behavior he's chosen. He has NO consequences. He has everything he wants. Sure the guilt gets to him at times but it's sure not making him uncomfortable enough to change his behavior. He'll let this go on as long as YOU let him. <P>He says he doesn't want to be married, then separate. That's the logical,natural consequence to what he's been asking for all along. Give him what he wants, it's very Plan Aish. Only then will he find out he didn't want what he was asking for all along.<P>You are certainly right when you question whether or not he'll stay if and when he sets you up in a house. Cali, do you want to run that risk of moving to a beautiful new home and having your H decide to leave, especially after you've been through all this? Isn't better to let him go now and find himself and hope and pray that he finds his way back and THEN begin recovery in a new home together and assured that he's worked this all out of his system and WANTS to be where he is. Bonus.....you get the benefit of knowing that he experienced what he wanted so badly and for so long, that he's experienced that his desires didn't pan out to be as fulfilling as he thought, and so he knows FIRST hand that life with his wife and kids is where he WANTS to be.<P>You get more guarantee of a lasting recovery if you let him go and have what he wants so badly vs letting him have his cake and eat it too while waiting patiently for the chance that he might all of a sudden change his mind and want to be married. You've tried that, it's not working. Worse part of it is, he's learning that he doesn't have to respect you. Ask yourself,is that a message you want to send? Is that a lesson that will help H to acquire some skill to make the marriage better in the long run? <P>Letting him go, to learn who he is and what he REALLY wants, will give him additional skills to make your marriage better. Isn't that what you really want? Cali, you've grown beyond the point of settling for the old marriage. Do yourself and your marriage a favor and stand up for the respect and honor you deserve.