Hey! I thought of someone!<P>If you all want to read about another person who did an excellent Plan A, do a search for Woozy! She was here for a while and did amazing when it came to Plan A! She and her H are still together and doing well!! <P>Mitzi [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hello,<P>I would have gotten back here earlier, but I had a problem logging back in. Changed my e-mail address and wouldn't you know it, the new password didn't come to me. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] So, please forgive me for appearing to start a thread and abandon it. That wasn't my intention at all.<P><B>Orchid</B><P>Thank you so much for the hug. I can never seem to get enough of them. <P>I'm glad that I am not the only one who has noticed the trend here. I thought long and hard about it before starting this thread. <P>I know how instrumental this site was for not only our/my journey to recovery, but also my spiritual growth and my mental health. Seems in the real world when you have been bitten by this disease, that people quickly avoid you and don't want to talk about it. They rarely understand why you'd want to stick it out and try and salvage your marriage. <P>The people here helped me to not feel so alone. Gave me concrete advise or would point out the good things about the given situation I was posting about, when I could see none but the negative. They also kept up as cheerleaders to keep me on track.<P>So big <B>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Orchid/L.}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}</B> right back at ya.<P><B>Nyneve</B><P>Hi sweetie. I figured you'd show up here. My it has been such a long time since we have talked. LOL Yea right!<P><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Well hi there, Sam... and that's **some** sig line you have there -- :rolleyes; it's longer than mine! And I thought mine was chock full o' info!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Well honey, you know me, always talkin' way too much. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]<P>You're so right about the forum seeming to go array every so many months. Maybe six is that magic number? <P>I never thought about people coming here and going straight to the <B>D/D</B> board before really reading and applying the principles of <B>Dr. Harley's</B> Good point and maybe someone (a oldie perhaps?) could direct new people when they see them to give their marriages a shot? To go and try the principles first?<P><B>No we don't ever want any one not to feel welcome here. Everyone is welcomed here as long as they don't break the rules of conduct we all agree to when we register with this site.</B> <P>You made perfect since my dear, as you always do. <B>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Nyvene}}}}}}}}}}}}</B> and thanks for the ones you gave me.<P><BR><B>Mitzi </B><P>So nice to see you here lady. <P>Your post reveals so much about what I meant in regard to "personal recovery." Although your marriage didn't survive, you did. You also can stand proud and look at yourself in the mirror knowing you did all you could to try and save your marriage. Even with all your extenuating circumstances, such as the physical abuse.<P>You are a success story <B>Mitzi</B> and the fact that you have your sanity in tact is a great testimony. <P>I'm sure you'll use the <B>MB</B> principles in your next marriage when the right <I>Mr. Mitzi</I> shows up in your life.<P>Take care a keep posting. Again, it was so good to see you here.<P><B>Okay, there are a bunch of posts here for me to reply to. I have to log off for a while. I'm home sick from work, have been for three days and my 3 year old grand baby is in the hospital with pneumonia. She's been there since Saturday evening. Need to check on her and her parents. I will be back later to try and finish my proper responses.<P>To everyone who has posted a reply. I thank you sincerely for your input.</B><P>Hugs to all,<p>[ October 24, 2001: Message edited by: A blessed Samantha ]

I just wanted to add a little comment...<P>Yes, oldtimers don't post alot. I'm not really an oldtimer, but you know why I don't post as much as I used to?<P>I've tried many times, over here on the GQ board to give a MB based response - only to have it ignored.<P>There are a number of people who post over and over about their situation. They are given hugs (which is good) and sympathized and commisserated with (which is good) but they ignore substantive replies based on MB, and they repeatedly fall into trouble, and come here to cry about it...all while continuing to ignore the advice offered that would have helped them avoid many of their problems in the first place.<P>There's really no way to force newcomers to read the concepts, or to force anyone to practice MBs if they decide to make this forum their home.<P>We can only police our lives and behaviors unfortunately.<P>I like that Sheryl and Samantha are pointing out the old Notable's posts - perhaps we ought to suggest to more people more often to read there.<P>It takes alot of work to put this stuff into practice and there aren't any quick fixes. Most people who stick it out here for the long term "get it". Everyone else loses interest pretty quick.

Well I gotta admit, I would have been a lost cause if it were not for some of those 'old timers' but young at heart people here. BrambleRose, you have kicked me in the right direction several times. Well deserved I know and I am deeply grateful. <p>In turn, I know I have asked several (especially BrambleRose) to come over to GQII and help a few newbies. It hurts my heart to see her post all her helpful info and then have it past over. No, it makes me angry. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>So, I started copying those good reference threads and kept them in my e-mail as a reference. I have used it several times. This has helped those who do those wonderful writeups to still pass on the good advice and wisdom, yet not bother them soo much. We tend to forget that everyone here has their own life to lead. We may even think some of them are paid counselors!!!!! But they are not, they are persons like ourselves tha have come here and studied and learn the MB concepts, practiced and shared their experiences. <p>That is what I think is lacking. We need to show that we are learning, practicing the MB concepts and then share our experiences. <p>Yes, I have been guilty of wanting to take the sarcastic way out. Sort of worked for me but hey, you all don't have that special psyco babble rabbit OW like I have. YUCK!! Ooops being bad again. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Bottom line is that those concepts work. No guaraantees but as attested to here, they do work. Most of us would not go anywhere else that is why this place seems to be growing soo much. <p>Growth is good but managed growth is better. Let's grow with MB, become better at advocating it's concepts. Show where it is good, direct those to the books and tools available here. Welcome the new ones with the a welcome package. <p>The new group is not bad, just a lot of new ones in a realtively short period of time. So much to look out for. Those of us who are major givers are finding it hard to keep up. A few of us are even getting older!!! LOL! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Most importantly, all of us are benefiting here. Let's get as much out of MB as we can and give as much as we are getting. It is a good thing that Steve doesn't charge us to visit here. I for one would be broke!!! LOL!<p>Take Care,
L. <p>PS: thanks for the hug Sam, I sure needed it today.

Hi Sam!<p>Yup, it was time to start the "get back to MB principles" thread. <p>I just wanted to say the MB principles DO WORK!<p>I started posting in May 99 - felt I couldn't trust my husband without the truth - hence name "trustntruth". I have learned sooooo much, I found that you can start applying the MB principles successfully - even though there hasn't been a "d-day" (my famous pre-disclosure plan A). I've been in plan A (nor perfectly nor completely consistently) since about May 99. An actual D-Day finally came in December 2000. Wow. That was a long time. And the only thing he admitted to was an "almost mistake". <p>I am applying the MB principles - one sided, he doesn't agree with POJA - but our marriage has been restored - and we are still in recovery. Triggers are less and less. Or - rather no, they are not less and less but I am not affected by them as much.<p>I am a Christian, and I believe the Lord led me to this site - He knew my desperation. I found other Christians here, which comforted me soooo much! And those who were not Christian also were able to help me, because they were in the same boat that I was - and I've come to love them. <p>Dazed and Confused - Just love that gal, she is a character but has really made great strides in her marriage also! <p>Sam, you are the most special of all - how many times did you almost burn your house down - while lighting a candle for me - comforting me - encouraging me - and helping me to hang in there just a little longer. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.<p>And how many times did I go into my bedroom and get on my knees for Lor? I can remember praying so hard for her that I was in tears - and watched her fall away from MB principles for only a little while. Her marriage is restored and I praise God! <p>These MB principles work. I think marriage is a gift from God, and I thank God for the Harley wisdom to help us. <p>Well, I could have written 500 pages and go on and on about my testimony about the MB princples, but I guess I'll let some other old-timers do that. Come out come out where ever you are!<p>TnT

Samantha--thanks for meeting my top EN of conversation [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] . <p>TNT--and thank you from the bottom of my heart for those prayers and tears. There are times I look at Guard and marvel at how we are now from where we were. You are very special to me and in those days long ago when you got irritated at me when I fell away from MB...it did make me think about what I was doing.<p>And like Bramblerose & Orchid are saying, those times I do post to someone whose story I don't know or don't know well, and am completely ignored, or worse, their next post is "Anyone else?" [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] I sometimes wonder why bother. But I know why...because my life, my marriage was saved and MB is a big part of it. Giving hope, giving something back...I needed so much that the debt "paid forward" to MB posters is not yet paid off in my heart. <p>I think we all miss NSR's welcoming post to first time posters. He probably kept us all a little more on-task, as did K when he was a more active poster. <p>Faith1--no flames, but this is my oldtimer explanation. I look at my member # in the 500s, now the numbers are in the 13,000--that's a lot of people, and some of them are not going feel supported--and I think any long-term poster has had a thread fail to receive responses. I had one this summer that went nowhere, but it wasn't a heartbreaking problem, so it was a shrug--off. I post generally 2+ times every time I log on, which is usually daily, but sometimes other oldtimers/friends will post to me like I've been gone for months--they just haven't seen my activity. A newbie may not know I exist, or I may post to someone once, and forget who it was and never check back.<p>And...sometimes part of some posters' healing is to leave MB. I think the Recovery Board and the D/D board keep people around a little longer than before they existed. Parts of recovery are enhanced if you can forgive & forget. And, when you post, you aren't forgetting and sometimes I've gotten all riled up about one of my memories that is too similar to something someone is currently going through.<p>I like it when survivors give updates...whether the marriage survived or not. I got to the edge of divorce and it was so reassuring to know other people made it through that as well as those whose marriages recovered.<p>Anyway...up for this message, I surely could have said that in a shorter post!

Lor (lor),<p>I always loved your posts, your story. It gave me hope for a long time when I had none. Your story and others like yours I believe help the people who come to MB that really want to work their marriage out. Who aren't looking for people to tell to leave the marriage, but hang in there, try Plan A, keep trying because you never know what will happen.<p>Thanks for all sharing.

To all,<p>My life has taken a very typical turn down....ah the drama of my life. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] Not to worry though it is not my husband and I. We are solid and firm.<p>I will surfice it to say that my son is now and infidel and his poor wife has been blind sided. A lot of other stuff too with the rest of my very dramatic family. Oh too run away and move perhaps to the Canadian Rockies? ::<p>I will get back here as soon as I can and reply to all you good people. I so appreciate your input and comments, not to mention your point of view.<p>A disclaimer here, I never intended this to be a blanket on all posts or members. Not at all, I simply meant we needed to focus on what this site is about and kind of police each other.<p>This site and God literally saved my marriage and what little semblance of sanity I have left. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Love you all and may the peace of the Lord be with you all. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Oh dear Sam,<p>I am sorry to hear about this problem leaking down into your family. {{hugs}}. Hope your son comes around soon. I know you and your H have the tools he needs to help him and his W. <p>Take care. It is definitely a hard thing for a mother to watch. Will keep you in our hearts and prayers. <p>L.