redhat,<p>Custody is not a forgone conclusion. We both work and I spend more time with our daughter than she does. I have always shared the child rearing duties equally. I have nothing to lose by fighting for custody. I do think she is scared, hence her willingness to offer 50/50 shared custody rather than test the waters in court. She makes a very good living, as do I, but her standard of living will suffer quite a bit.<p>She tried for months to get me to sit down and work out all the details. I think she finally realized that wasn't going to happen. She did tell me about a month ago that she was going to file, so this wasn't unexpected. I think OM may be putting on the pressure.<p>sad dad

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by sad dad:
<strong>I realize that exposing the A may not make a difference or help her see the reality of what she's done, but it will give me peace of mind and I'll be able to look at my little girl and know I did everything I could to keep her family together. She's all that really matters and everything I've put up with has been for her.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>My thoughts exactly. I couldn't have said it better.

Stall it and let OM waits and LB'ed. You have a few months before D is finalized and w/ countering it, it might drag longer. Focus on your plan A and review it w/ Steve to make sure you cover all grounds.

WAT,<p>On another topic, I discussed severing the financial ties with her last night. She agreed this is something that should be done.<p>redhat,<p>I have an appointment with Steve next Thursday.
Contesting her grounds (probably ireconcilable diff's), counter filing and contesting custody will buy me time. This may drag out for 6 months easily. I'm in no hurry.<p>Thanks to both of you for your support, concern and advice.<p>sad dad

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by sad dad:
<strong>I have an appointment with Steve next Thursday.
Contesting her grounds (probably ireconcilable diff's), counter filing and contesting custody will buy me time. </strong><hr></blockquote><p>Sad dad:
Telling her you are going to contest the d. or actually contesting it are NOT LB. LB's are: Selfish Demands, Disrespectful Judgements, Annoying Behavior, Angry Outbursts, and Dishonesty. I think that as long as everything is discussed in respectful manner, it can be discussed. No need to be a door-mat during this thing just to keep her from getting upset at you.<p>For goodness sake! WHAT do these WS's want from us???? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>God Bless,
Lupo<p>[ November 07, 2001: Message edited by: lupolady ]</p>

lupo,<p>Thanks for the refresher course on LB's!!!<p>Everyone has been very helpful and I am more convinced that this is the course of action I should take. I had my reservations.<p>sad dad

I hope Lupo is correct that these things will not be LBs to your W. <p>Remember, your W is the one who will determine that - not you or Lupo or anyone else. It's impossible to predict what will or won't be an LB and the same stimulus may get variable responses depending on the Mothership's current orbit. <p>Lupo is correct that these things SHOULDN'T be LBs - but who knows which part of the scrambled brain is doing the thinking at any one moment. The BS can minimize the risk in these mandatory interactions with a non-LB delivery. You know how to do this.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by worthatry:
<strong>Remember, your W is the one who will determine that - It's impossible to predict what will or won't be an LB and the same stimulus may get variable responses depending on the Mothership's current orbit.
The BS can minimize the risk in these mandatory interactions with a non-LB delivery. </strong><hr></blockquote><p>Dave,
Of course you are absolutely right about what SHOULD or should NOT be considered LB, but may still be, according to our "fog-shrouded" WS's brains.<p>Proper delivery goes a lot way toward assuring they won't, but then of course, there's NO WAY to predict what they will or won't think at any given moment, as you have said. However, I don't think we have to automatically believe every little thing we want to do to save our M's is going to be percieved as LB. That's not fair to US! We DO have feelings, and I think we have the right to express our beliefs about where our M's might be heading. Boundaries, remember?<p>Just pick an appropriate time and place to let your thoughts/desires/future actions be known. <p>Thanks for reminding us that it is the WS who determines what IS or IS NOT a LB, WAT!<p>Lupo

WAT & lupo,<p>Points well taken. However, let's face it, depending on how mixed up my W is she could say the sky is green and I could say it's blue and that could be an LB. <p>The bottom line is I have two choices:<p>1. Let the D proceed and hope she changes her mind before it's too late<p>2. Contest it to buy some time and/or counter file to bring the A out into the open and see if it can survive. <p>I choose the latter. At least it's being proactive. Before I do anything, I need to confirm A is still going on. If it is, I'll confer with Steve for some coaching on how to approach this. If it's not, I'll be back here for more advice. <p>sad dad<p>[ November 07, 2001: Message edited by: sad dad ]</p>