Freddy said:
However, I'm thinking that the problem could be avoided by the careful setting of boundaries within the marriage AND some basic negotiation skills. I don't know on how many management and communication trainings I've been on in my life - I'm great with the most difficult of employees but I failed at some of the most basic rules of communication and negotiation in my marriage.<p>Ha, my H brags on how good he is with communication at work and his employers, customers love him and all ask for him back. He even tells me he can talk to anyone better than he can to me. Why? Why can’t he try better with me? Is it because he thinks I’m stupid? What? Agh!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is so frustrating!!!!<p>Resilient wrote: When the WS involved themselves in an A, at some point they made a conscious decision to cross that line, where it went from friends to a full blown intimate A. I realize at first they may have "unconsciously", out of unmet needs, innocently allowed themselves to become close to an OP and felt is was an appropriate friendship, unaware of the A potential. But eventually they did make a "decision" and had an A. My point is, the BS never made a conscious decision, at least I didn't, not to meet the WS's needs which eminently drove them to that A. <p>YUP, that’s blatant betrayal and that’s why it hurts so much. That's why it makes us BS literally unable to function for a period of time. You want to be like a dog, go into a corner and just lay there and die. I have so much regret that he didn’t tell me before crossing that line. In his NO CONTACT letter to OW, he said he was sorry he crossed that line. To me, he had crossed it a long time before the PA. He had crossed it when he wouldn’t give up communication with her 8 years ago and he had promised at that time to quit communication. Instead, he redirected her to his work number, chats, etc and I have been such a fool to believe him for so long. I am so disgusted with myself at times for the total trust I had given him.. So, to me, the lies have gone on and on and on. That’s why I just can’t trust him freely. Even the fact that he said he was so tempted to call her this week while away on business sent me on the verge of despair although I think I handled that quite well.
Its such a HURTFUL and HATEFUL CHOICE although they don't see it that way at the time.!!!! They let the BS feel the HURT and HATE and WORTHLESSNESS to the max but they dont' recognize or consider that either.
Mikkey
