<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by hurtbyhubby:
Do you KNOW deep down whether or not you think you are bisexual, homosexual, or simply got caught up in something too complex to understand.
[/QB]<hr></blockquote><p>I don't know what I am. For years I never thought I would wind up with another man. To be truthful, I was adamantly opposed to it and was convinced that it was deviant behavior, until I got to know "Pat". Then this all started to happen.<p>This is all so confusing.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Moving Forward:
[Also, PRAY PRAY PRAY! God will give you more strength than you'll ever believe!<p>Le[/QB]<hr></blockquote><p>I don't believe in god. I am an athiest.

BeenWishin ~<p>I admire your courage in facing the problems. Bravo ~ I think many would flee their families and their marriages rather than face something of this magnitude.<p>I don't have any experience in same-sex situations, but it sounds to me as if you have some personal issues that you need to resolve ~ in addition to withdrawal from the OP, before you can work on recovering your marriage.<p>I'd like to strongly recommend that you call Steve Harley (check the Counsel link on this site) and ask for his help in forming a plan to straighten out your life. He will be able to help you figure out what kind of personal counseling or other help that you need, and give you the support that both you and your wife will need to get through this.<p>One thought...have you contacted Sex Anon? (Or whatever its called, I cant remember!) Affairs, with the opposite sex or otherwise...are addictions, and maybe you would find the understanding and support you need to sort things out in a 12 step program.<p>I found a great deal of help in my own 12step program in Al-Anon. It's a spiritual program without religion and you don't have to believe in God! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>My best regards!<p>--BR

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by BrambleRose:
<strong>BeenWishin ~<p>I admire your courage in facing the problems. Bravo ~ I think many would flee their families and their marriages rather than face something of this magnitude.<p>--BR</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I don't know if it is courage or not. If I brought this out around my family, I think they would disown me. My wife is petrified, disappointed, disgusted and won't say any more to me than she has to.<p>We live in a very conservative area and she is threatening to take my kids away and make it so that I can never see them. I am afraid that, in this community, she will find a judge that will grant her that.

My suggestions (for what it is worth)<p>1. Be as honest as possible with your wife<p>2. Get tested for diseases and have your wife tested as well if you have been intimate<p>3. Discuss with your wife as candidly as possible why it happened. Were you drunk, spur of the moment, etc You don't have to go into graphic details but if she asks a question answer her honestly.<p>4. Tell her that you need her help to make things right and make it up to her. She will need a lot of love for you and you need to be prepared to meet her emotional needs in a lot of other areas to help her be willing to give you the help you need. Talk to her about the troubles you are having and try to get her ideas for helping you to stop and how she can help if she is willing. (Expect a lot of angry emotions and be prepared to work through them and not react to them badly - you hurt her remember) <p>5. Keep a picture of your family handy and when the urge arises look at the picture and think of the happy times you had with them.<p>6. Take away all avenues of contact that you can for you to have access to him and visa versa. Internet at home, cell phone, etc. Get unlisted phone number, move if you have to and that is an option. The harder it is for you to make contact with him readily the easier it is to keep the noncommunication.<p>7. Try to use negative feedback when you think of him. Think of something he did that made you mad, someone he mistreated that you saw, crude comments he made, anything. When you think of him think of that and keep it fixed in your mind and look at the picture of your family.<p>8. Counseling (with wife if possible) is good too.<p>9. Settle in for a rough road to travel and a long time to get there.<p>10. If you and wife are religious ask her to pray with you.<p>Good luck.

TOmorrow is my "anniversary" with Pat. The temptation to call, to e-mail, to see Pat is overwhelming. I am confused, sad....I need help!

If possible take a trip with wife driving somewhere. No cell phones, no computer, nothing.
Get up at 5 or 6 and go driving through the countryside. Make a pass at your wife out in the middle of who knows where and see if spontanaity will take over (if you have been tested).<p>I drank for 10 years. Not way too much. But steady. A six pack or 2 a weekend. 2 weeks after my wife left I stopped (she complained about my drinking a few times but I was never an abusive drunk just drank and went to bed.) I haven't wanted to touch a drop since. Not everyone can do that but it shows that will power goes a long way.

There is hope, BeenWishin. There is a way out of the painful situation you are in, the Way is through Jesus Christ. He can heal all the hurt, every bit of it. He is the Light of the World and He loves you very much. <p>May I suggest reading "The Case for Christ" by Lee Strobel. He was an atheist. <p>Praying for you right now. . . . . .

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by I_believe:
[QB]There is hope, BeenWishin. There is a way out of the painful situation you are in, the Way is through Jesus Christ. He can heal all the hurt, every bit of it. He is the Light of the World and He loves you very much.
QB]<hr></blockquote><p>BeenWishin said he is an atheist. Telling him that Jesus Christ can help him get out of this painful situation, is not something he is going to believe. <p>Marsha

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by BeenWishin:
<strong>TOmorrow is my "anniversary" with Pat</strong>
<hr></blockquote><p>BeenWishin,<p>Yesterday was my anniversary also. Unfortunately, we didn't spend it together (physically). Maybe next year!<p>Marsha

Marsha,
It is THE TRUTH. God is real, He loves each of us far more than we can imagine.