Hello O, IMHO, this is just another downward dip in the rollercoaster. H is still wavering...unfortunately you do not deserve this treatment. Rise above it. You don't have to leave your home. Let HIM walk out. My money is on the fact that he won't. <p>BUT...you're a survivor. And you will get through this.<p>And we will be here to help you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

hey hun! sorry I missed you. I'm headed to beddy-bye, but I'm here if you need me, k? I don't mind at all... anytime.... You have my number. let us know how you are doing tonite or tomorrow. CALL me if you need me, k ?<p>{{{{{{{{{{{Orchid}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Orchid <p>Just want you to know I'll say a prayer for strength and wisdom for you.<p>We care.
God Bless You
TnT

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong>...I was going to stay home today, mope and put all his stuff in the garage but I decided to go to work...can't stop the world just because mine is coming to a halt....
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Hi Orchid,
[img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] Well, noone can say that you haven't gone way beyond what might seem reasonable to some who would have dropped the dead weight by now...<p>Your life is not coming to a halt! If anything, there is a new chapter opening with all your dreams awaiting to come true. Keep the faith!<p>And yes! We are your cyber family! We support you and care about you and will be here for you! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] My prayers and thoughts are with you. Don't worry, everything will work itself out, especially the things you fear the most! Wait and see! I once heard that 90-95% of what we worry about the most doesn't even happen and you know what? It's SO TRUE!!!

Orchid,
My sympathy for you and I think H has to learn and live with his choice. Some men think with stuff between their legs instead of their brain & heart. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]

Aloha Orchid,
Maika'i 'ole huh! I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't know what else to say but I'm here to listen and offer my cyber hug for a friend like you. {{{{{{{{{{{{{Orchid}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<p>I hope you do well today.

I can't find words to express my deep sorrow for this...You can always say YOU did your best...

Hi, Orchid,
I rarely come to GQ, and so glad I did today because I had no idea you were going through this! You have been so supportive and helpful to me -I am sending you good vibes and hugs!! I am so sorry you are going through this - as you know, I am feeling similar to how you are feeling - I was ready to Plan B, but Steve H. talked me into giving it a little more time this a.m. in our session. Our H's are both 'stupid'!!!
Please know you and your son are in my thoughts and prayers...hang in there! You are a good person who deserves so much more!!
Hugs,
S

Hi,<p>Thanks for all your support. Faith called me twice today to make sure I was ok. I had another bad day at work. Needy/easily frustrated men are not on my good list right now..... (H & boss) both were on my bad side. <p>Funny how these guys can get you all riled up, then they feel guilty since it was all for nothing. If they would just think before they go off on a tangent, it would not be soo bad. <p>Go figure, H had to make arrangements for his truck rental but has no money. Asks then when I don't just jump in (after all he was planning to leave), he gets all distraught. Well hey, it's his problem right? I thought so. I made arrangements in the background just in case and then true to form he calls up claiming to be soo stressed he is almost in tears. Ok, at the same time I am dealing with a boss who wants me to act like I work in another dept and help them work out a client issue. No help just dump and L will fix it. Then has the nerve to yell at me on my method of fixing. 9 lousy hours of work and no appreciation. It's a wonder those 2 men are still alive....... was wondering if Mrs. Bobbit was available for hire..... oops bad thought. <p>Ok, after they get themselves in a pickle and have time to think, L's fixes don't look so bad after all. Hey I don't do miracles, it just looks like it....... After they both calm down, they accept whatever I have come up with. After rejecting the exact same options!!! Go Figure. <p>Still I was able to keep a fairly cool head. I even sat in on about 3 other meetings and difused about 20 other issues today. This is not bragging just reality. I think when I focused I also try to clean house at work...... low tolerance level for stupidity right now!!!<p>I listened to both their gripes (H & boss) and just said, ok..... then went away and when they cooled down, they saw it my way. Did I just repeat myself? Sorry.<p>Anyway, I have to admit knowing you guys were all out there and that I could post later, helped me make it through the day. <p>OOOO said: Maika'i 'ole (bad) and yes it was bad. Maybe it will get better, I believe it will at least for me. <p>So to all of you: Mahalo kau kokua (thank you for your support) OOOO did I get that right?
I live in CA and getting too haolefied. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take care,
L.<p>[ December 05, 2001: Message edited by: Orchid ]</p>

{{{{{Orchid}}}}}}}}}}}<p>Wow. I am sorry I didn't find this thread earlier. <p>I am very sorry because I know how hard all this is- but you are strong and I know you are doing what is best for you and your son right now, and you are going to make it through this.<p>I agree with don't move out (unless the reason is you really want to or can't afford to stay), it will be so much better for your son to have as little instability in his life right now as you can possibly bring him. Staying in your home would be so much better for him right now.<p>Consider me among those who are praying and thinking of you and here if you need me, but since so many are I guess I will stand to the back of the crowd. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>NY
mackley@twcny.rr.com

Hi NY,<p>Thanks for your support. There is always room for a friend and there is no one in the back all of you good people are right up here in my heart. Helping me heal. <p>Much hugz,
L.

L,<p>We ain't no stinkin Haole's!!!<p>So, what's the scoop Hon, is H still leaving?<p>From your post, sounds like he's back peddaling ... I dunno, O. I think your H hasn't suffered any real consequences so he keeps giving us repeat performances. I can't even begin to imagine how frustrated you must be.<p>After so many ups and downs L, I think you might want to consider having H move and implementing a solid Plan B. Let him and OW really die their natural death this time, but don't Plan B to expect that, Plan B for you and your son's sanity and need for peace of mind. This can't go on forever, it's going to take it's toll on you, Hon.<p>I'm sorry you're having to go thru this yet again. Lor and BrambleRose would be the people I'd look to, seems they've gone thru similar.<p>Best to you .... and hang in there.<p>Love,
Jo<p>[ December 05, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

<<was wondering if Mrs. Bobbit was available for hire..... oops bad thought. >><p>did someone mention me.<p>really listen to Jo, she said what I wanted to say. Don't do what I did & let H keep walking over you & still have him leave for OW, however my H never made any bones he had feelings for me, it was always for the boys

Hi Jo and Sing,<p>Yes you are both right. I am listening and learning. Since I seem to have found my leveling point (OW must be out of my life), then I have settled much better. Which is why I believe I am not shedding as much tears. <p>I have been mentally preparing myself for this. Which is why I don't post my stuff in recovery. Plan B is still way to handy for me and within my grasp. <p>I am keeping an eye out and getting ready to move either way. So thanks for not giving up on me. <p>You are all great and nope 'no dumb haole's here!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] LOL!!!<p>L.

Orchid,<p>I'm finally able to sit down at the computer for a bit and write you a note.<p>Hope you know that I am pulling for you. You've been through so much and don't deserve one ounce of it. I hope all the pains stops for you very soon. <p>I've a question. Did you say that you bailed your H out on the truck rental thing? Let him flop on his own... Better yet, tell him to let Mrs. Rabbit save his behind. Keep your engery for yourself and your son.<p>Did today have a strange quality for you? It almost sounds like that in your post. Almost like you are on the edge of giddy. Are you somehow feeling relieved even while you are feeling the pain?<p>{{{{{{Orchid}}}}}}

Hi Z,<p>No I don't like feeling pain. I think I am not feeling the pain like before. Been there done that kind of thing. However, when under stress, I tend to pull back. From those character studies I had to attend years ago, I found that under stress I resort to a fairly laid back type of person, more relaxed out of necessity. Otherwise, I would blow a fuse. Funny, I have always been that way. <p>See for me, I have given the stress to H. He did go to limits today. This is a man who would rather die than cry. Yet today he was there, outside my office crying. He so much wanted and needed to take on this job but everywhere he turned there was a major road block. <p>Yes, I ended up bailing him out but not completely. He is having to spend tonight in his vehicle with 3000 lbs of sulpheric acid in the back of this van. He can not affort a hotel and barely enough for gas and food. It is rough, but he will learn that he can survive. His family have this kamakazi demented state, they like to inflict pain on themselves and in turn give it to those closet to them. I have been the recipient of that for years. No more. I have learned to give it back. <p>So while he did get his vehicle, it was after we went on a harrowing morning of living on the edge. He knows it and actually has been calling and speaking quite nicely. I am not ready to say sure come on back. I am taking it cautiously. He knows he has to show his value now. Mine is already out there and documented. H asked me last night if I felt any guilt. I said no and he agreed, then he said his issues were because of himself not his family. I remained silent, my mouth had a 1000 things to say but I kept my trap shut. The only words he heard were his. I believe that made an impression. He then said tonight that we should not make decisions in anger. He is right but I was not the angry one, just the fed up one. There is a difference you know. <p>So Z, I appreciate your keeping watch. Tell STL I said hi.<p>hugs,
L.

Orchid, redhat are you guys out there? I am. Read A/B. Ride's gotten vertical now, no longer the horizontal up and down roller coaster. What is with this crap being in the water now that our H's or W 's are losing touch w/all relity and doing things that even an anacephalic would know not to do.....Arrrrrrrgh. Am going to gym tomorrow to find a kickboxing or boxing dummy.

Orchid,<p> I really can only say that you have proved what kind of lady that you are by going through this and still being there to help me and others. I am honored to call you and all of the others here on this site friends. I am sorry that it has taken me so long to get back to you. I just got back from the ER. <p>Indy

Hi Orchid. Glad to hear you are doing well. Just wanted to add that you know it's not your job or responsibility to teach your H anything, right?<p>Just wanted to make sure. Sounds more and more like you are trying to make him see his mistakes and TEACH him a lesson, rather than just doing what Orchid needs (him out of your life until he's fixed his issues and ready to work on the marriage).<p>Just seems like you are going through more hell than you have to...<p>Also, it sounds like you are strong right now and I believe that if you stay strong you will indeed wait this one out and not take H back until he is serious this time...<p>But, you are really too nice, and I have a feeling that strength will falter as time goes on. Post here and keep that strength up, k? You need to stay the way you are now. An oak tree. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>As for your boss, kick him in the gonads. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] No seriously, just try to ignore him whenever possible.<p>Good luck.
HbH

Hey, Orchid-<p>You are in my thoughts and prayers, neighbor. I emailed you yesterday (on your yahoo account listed in email exchange) with my phone number, feel free to use it, okay? You sound okay, hang in there, and give your son a hug from me, and have him give you one from me, too.