trueheart you are so funny (and I am not being insulting), but I have to tell ya guy, we have vastly different understandings of what being a dreamer means...but you are good at prose. I would love to say more, I think you would be fun to discuss all this stuff with in person, in more detail, but for the present I am on a diet of sorts.

SNL's theory bothers us so much I feel cause there is no such thing as fitting. Marriages take a different course during their time together. People change on their perspective of life, failures, goals, and challenges. How can you decide today that you fit, and a week from now you don't fit? Makes no sense to me. <p>Like H and I, we fit when we were dating, we talked, we played together, did activities together, we called each other to talk at work or home, just enjoyed hearing each others voice. It is not like that now. I feel H could care less about hearing my voice. So we don't fit now, maybe never well according to my H.<p>Is there a test to see how you fit, besides the EN test? We did that, and H says, he doesn't know how to meet my EN, but I feel deep inside he does, but is afraid of getting close to me. He has put a barrier between us. Getting ready for the big D, it may be very soon!<p>I think the theory of fitting is bothersome to most of us, cause we realize life is not that simple. All marriages have to be worked on all the time. SNL says, a fitting marriage does not have to be worked on, I don't agree at all. Steve Harley even said, marriages are a work of art in its own way. But it takes 2 people willing (100%)to work at it to make it forever. If one is only willing to give 10% and the other 95%, the equation is not equal. One will die before the other has started on the equation. That is why we (H & I) are doomed to separation. H doesn't seem to want to meet my EN, and I am left dieing and looking at men in my travels. I know he knows how to meet EN, have evidence of EN he was able to give the OW. Some of which I have never had in my whole marriage to him. Even when we were in-love! <p>If you look in the dictonary for FIT - 1. well adapted or suited 2.proper or becoming 3.qualified or competent 4.worthy or deserving 5.prepared or ready 6.in good physical condition 7.in good health 8.in a condition, ready 9.to be adapted to or suitable for 10.to be proper 11.to be of the right size or shape 12.to conform or adjust to something 13.to make qualified or competent 14.to prepare 15.to put with nice adjustment 16.to provide,furnish,equip 17.to furnish with clothing 18.The manner of which a thing fits. Read the definitions, and decide which ones are fitting for you and your spouse. Is this fitting or just 2 people who are their for each other, and care about each other, and want to have a loving relationship. I feel SNL puts to many demands on a relationship! Good luck SNL in your travels.

What I want to know is whether SnL's "fit theory" applies to other relationships as well? As an adolescent, I didn't "fit" my parents very well--even as a young adult we weren't such a great "fit." Sometimes my friends have quit being such a great "fit," or maybe one of my siblings has never been much of a "fit" with me. Perhaps (God forbid) one of my own children will grow up to be a bad "fit," and then what do I do? Should I break off these relationships because, this person not being my spouse, I can do so? This seems to mean that if you suit me (emotionally, spiritually, financially, intellectually, physically, or because we share some obscure hobby), I will keep you. If you don't, goodbye.<p>I think the idea of a perfect "fit" is a myth. It makes us nervous because we know we don't have it--but then, nobody does. Even SnL only spent a limited amount of time with his "fit-mate," but it took him years to come up with the notion that his wife wasn't a good "fit."<p>Rose Red