I would really be interested in some insight on contacting the OM? Also, right now my wife seems so comfortable in the affair..planning trips every other weekend...it this typical at the beginning?

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: Bunny ]</p>

The hardest part of this is that she is so focused on OM right now, and since I have confronted her and she basically admits it, that's it ok to go on with it...the image of them together kills me. I never thought anything could be so hard. It seems so hopeless, but I know from all the reading in here that he can be overcome...it's all about time. I am still focused, committed and and trying to be patient...but any further insight or similar experiences would be greatly appreciated.

anyone care to share some experiences?

Well see what SH says, but if Plan A doesn't work and you can't handle A, then think about Plan B. <p>You probably at least need to talk to her seriously about her moving out if she is going to carry on with the A and you can't handle it.<p>Read up on the divorce laws in your state first because sometimes living separate and apart starts the time period for divorce.<p>If you read SAA, it's almost impossible to deposit love units when WW is having an affair. Plan A is just something you do to show change while you are waiting for the A to die. <p>As said earlier, if the law checks out ok and you want her to move, sit down with her and an apartment ad and talk to her about finding a place, discuss money issues etc. Even give her a deadline to find a place. See what she says. <p>I'm sure you could get some advice here about how to help get her to move out.<p>Unfortunately, for reality to set in, the A has to move into full swing, and so it looks like the situation is geting worse - but I believe it has to get worse to get better.<p>I'd get my support system together, try to read as much as you can about affairs and marriage, pray, maybe even find a support group or continue counseling with SH.<p>My WH was semi remorseful at first right after D-day, but not so remorseful that he stopped talking to OW. Then he had to start seeing her. Then as I began Plan A, he got comfortable with my behavior - be sure to let your WW know you do not condone her actions - and then my WH started seeing OW more, talking to her more and then sleeping at her H because everyone was trying to Plan A him too for my sake.<p>That's when I had to go to Plan B and now WH will have to deal with the reality that he has chosen. Now OW is forced to deal with him all the time and let's see how they fair. I don't think it will be too pretty. It still hurts, but I'm more sane not having to Plan A him.<p>Bottom line is you do what you have to do to keep yourself sane. But make sure you don't do anything hasty and that you are taking care of yourself. Sometime time is only thing that helps. K

it really does seem so hopeless, and time is all i have. I have hope, i am committed and focused, but very tired or this mess and her antics. I hope I don't lose my love for her.

How would I convince her that her moving out is a best option right now? She has resisted that option so far and insists that I am the one that needs to move out. Any thoughts here??

Update...it appears that WS is now not interested in further participation in counseling with SH. I am continuing on...Is this normal at this stage in her affair. Do I just continue with Plan A? She seems to be showing some guilt regarding how our family (both sets of parents and her sister) feels about her actions (the affair and verbal treatment of me)...how do I read this. Also, our 3 1/2 year old is starting to show signs of moods and is missing mom when she is away on her 3-4 day trips with OM (she has been gone 8 of the last 17 day with him on two different trips) and that fact that Mom and Dad don't seem to show any love or affection...HELP!! I need some insight and more encouragement...this is so hard.

Can anyone shed any light on this for me?

Hi Focused, <p>You are trying a bit too hard. It is wearing you down and taking it's toll on your little one. <p>Can you step back for a while? I know it is hard. You have refocus your efforts. Don't try to save her from herself, you can't do that. So work on what you can do. <p>Better yourself. Take care of that little precious one in your life. Your little one will provide support and comfort in a way you never thought possible. In fact that child may even say a few choice words or actions to the WS. Hm..... my 6 year old did. Cut his dad right to the heart, better than I ever could. <p>Have you read the book his needs/her needs? It will be helpful for you right now. There are several dads out here with little ones. Maybe a few of them can come and share some info and suggestions with you. I will try to round them up tomorrow. K?<p>In the meantime get some rest. For now, let your W be. You couldn't save her right now even if her life depended on it. Isn't that awful? That's why it scares the BS sooo much. But you will be ok. <p>Take Care,
L.