Yep T, <p>Double ditto Lu....... this hiding thing serves no useful purpose to you. Work on protecting yourself and your family. Is he the enemy? He should be but you never know which way he will turn. So be prepared. Doesn't hurt to be prepared. If it makes him angry then you know you are doing the right thing because if the OW is happy then you are doing the wrong thing. <p>L.

Dear T,<p>I think I have written to you before. My H has had numerous affairs. Never before had I told anyone about them. They made me physically sick. I had two small children with his first major affair. It was devastating.<p>When we moved he had other affairs...again, I didn't tell anyone--because we were so busy with his career and I was busy with our 4 kids. It was horrible.<p>THIS time...It seems like everyone knows. I thought I would hate that...but I have never had so much love and support shown me. It is incredible. I don't know how I would have made it through this without it.<p>I think you need to distance yourself from your H. He can't think right now....and you need to protect yourself. I have finally done that with my H and it is such a relief. He still manages to get a few emails or messages through other people to get to me. But I don't have to interact with him anymore. I do have a neighbor who volunteered to be our intermediary. It seems to be working ok....but mainly it has saved my sanity. <p>Please take care of yourself. I have 4 active kids....and sometimes I feel like I can't do it---but I am learning that I can...and you can too. A little distance will give you a better perspective--and I guarantee that you will feel a whole lot better. It is good to get a little control back in your life again. I have to get to bed---I am leaving at 6 tomorrow morning for a seminar in KC. Take Care and hang in there...you will make it!!!!

Hello everyone, Thanks for your replies. One of the friends I recently told asked me if I was going to counselling. I said yes but the most important place I've found is Marriage Builders. I just want to keep reminding all of you that in the darkest of moments, I come here. Here is the only place I find true refuge. <p>Thanks HH for checking in and your kind thoughts. <p>Hi Lex, Quite honestly, I don't care about looking like the bad guy. If it meant that my husband and my marriage would be restored, it wouldn't matter. My H is SO angry because he says I've told our closer friends so that I can get sympathy. And I really told these friends that I MADE many mistakes and that I'm working on changing myself. I didn't ever portray him as THE ONLY problem. My friends seemed to look past that and say, "Why isn't he working with you? Has he noticed the changes? How could he leave D? Does he not feel guilty leaving a 2-year old each night?" I responded to them indicating that these were not questions I could answer. Only he could. <p>Hi Jo, You're right. I did need to hear Lu's story right now. I'm trying to stand my ground. HE'S JUST SO ANGRY but I'm not scared of him. He said he can't even look at me right now. The other night I LB'd ALOT (you might remember when I tried to grap his keys) and in my anger, wished both of them dead, hoped he would get fired, etc. Things that are so unlike me. He still can't get over that I said those things. Said he's given me five days to take it back. And I hate myself because I can't bring myself to tell him that I'm sorry. Until or if ever, he repents, I just can't. Isn't that awful? (For someone who won the Christian Life award, Valedictorian and Congeniality, how could I have turned into this hateful person!)<p>Hi O, Funny you mention the enemy part...that's exactly the way it has been. He has become the outsider, the enemy, the stranger...I look at myself and see a much older person. Lines, cirles, wrinkles that were never there, gaunt...can this process ever be reversed or truly forgotten???<p>Thanks MiM, I cannot compare my struggle to yours. I applaud you your strength and your courage. I thank-you for taking the time to give me your thoughts. I really pray that your situation changes. <p>Hugs to all of you.

Just an update...H said angrily that telling our closest friends won't bring him back.<p>The door just keeps shutting, doesn't it.

Hi T,<p> Well, of course he is going to say that....like I said he is really bullying you .My H said about the same things and he came back so in reality they(WS) all say a whole lot of things.<p>Please start thinking about yourself.....he is trying to blame you once again.Btw, it really wouldn't matter whether you told or didn't tell.....your H would find some kind of reason to blame you....LU

T about the insults, and hateful things you said, I have a policy for me, no matter what the provocation, if I am out of line, I apologize. Feels odd, like you are giving in, but it is not, is very empowering, and is for you, accountability for YOUR behaviour. Also makes apologizing a lot easier, I never have to analyze is it deserved, I just have to see if I was rude, impolite, hateful, and say I am sorry for that. You can always add that does not mean I agree with you or anything, just that I do not wish to treat people in this way, and apoligize when I violate my own boundaries/rules. Don't worry much about doors shutting, you cannot lose truelove (IMO) by behaving responsibly and you are. I agree with the others.

Thanks Lu and Sad, It's H's birthday today and I guess the most I can do is apologize for what I've said and let him know that I still love him.<p>Hugs to both of you.