Posted by "female sergeant" on gloryb<p>"Boy, I had never really visited the other boards before due to time and I must admit I thought everyone here was exaggerating about how one sided the BS are. I was wrong. For all those familliar w/ my story I have been debating telling W. I had decided to, then chickened out at last moment. I truly do not want to hurt her, as crazy as that may sound. I posted on other board (as SOW22MM)to get opinion from BS. Judgemental and one sided. I feel here on TOW we are all open to hearing views other than our own. Clearly that is not the case there. fs"<p>Why is it crazy that you do not want to hurt her? The way you stated this, it sounds like you think that the people on gloryb would expect you want to hurt her. What has she ever done to you? Remember, it is you who are already hurting her.<p>You know SOW22MM, it really is not nice to talk behind people's backs. You are very wrong that the TOW board is 'open to hearing views other than their own". You see, every time I've been over there and posted anything that was not kiss an OP's behind my post was 'puffed' by the moderator. In the fashion of a group who lives their lives by lies and deceipt, they simply remove anything that does not fit their pretty little picture of their world. We are more REAL here on MB. We speak exactly what we think. And those who cannot handle it... well there are other boards.<p>It seems that since you did not get the responses you wanted here, you reject them. If you already know what you want to hear, then why do you ask?<p>There is something that you are missing about the reponses you are getting here. You know almost nothing about the people who responded to you.. you are assuming that they are all BS's. Guess what???? Many are WS's and OP's. I label myself as a BS here, but have been very open that I have also been an OW. I too was lied to as you were about his marital status. When I found out he was out of my life. Why? Because I care too much about myself to play that game. And also because I am a loving and compassionate person... I will not hurt another person for my own gain.<p>Oh and another reason... any guy who would lie to me like that is not a man I want. He is no prize. Years later it has proven to be a wise decission. He still tells me I'm the love of his life.. he calls every month or so to tell me this and see if I'm available. But I know of many other affairs he's had in that time frame. And he's on wife number 2. <p>So you see, there is not necessairly an anti OP attitude here. But there is an anti-distructive life's decisions attitude here.<p>If you are going to come here and post something like this. Something that will hurt so very many of the people who are already hurting. Then at least stay long enough to engage in the conversation. Geezzzzzz<p>When I asked you on the other thread why you were here, there was a reason. While we have many OP who post here, every few weeks on OW comes here (never, ever an OM) who has an attitude. I was picking that up in your posts. That was why I asked. You are obvously not here for the purpose of building a marriage. And you are really not here to learn the side of the story from BS's, OP's and WS's who believe in saving marriages. So I was just wondering. <p>[ January 17, 2002: Message edited by: zorweb ]<p>[ January 17, 2002: Message edited by: zorweb ]</p>

Go away.

zorweb,
I haven't went anywhere. I was also honest to both boards that I have posted story on both sites. I appreciate the honest responses - esp Conqueror and zorweb. I did not come here w/ any expected responses in mind - was just curious of the BS POV.

SOW22MM,<p>Good to hear that you are still around.<p>Yes, you were upfront about posting in both places. By remark about talking behind people's backs was in referrence to your bashing the MB crowd on gloryb. It certainly makes me reluctant to post to you about anything real now. <p>Tell me, since you and so many on gloryb says that they are so much more open and tolerant, why are any posts that are not in agreement with the OP point of view deleted? That is hardly being tolerant. I know that you have no control over it, but I see people on gloryb bashing MB all the time and patting themselves on the back for their own tollerance. Well it's easy to be 'tollerant' when all offending material is 'puffed' away in an invisible puff of smoke. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] I find it very self serving. I have never, ever, seen anything deleted by the moderators on this forum... never.... no matter how offensive it is or how anti marriage building it is.<p>[ January 17, 2002: Message edited by: zorweb ]</p>

BUSTED [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ January 17, 2002: Message edited by: GeezLouise ]</p>

zorweb,
The only posts I have seen deleted on TOW (only been there since 10/01) are posts by BS on the board reserved excusively on the OW/OM board. All of those are poofed based on Duo's policy that only OW/OM can post there. In fact, we had a recent poster on there named snugglebum. I stated I thought her post was not offensive and should not be poofed. Another member went so far as to copy snugglebum's response on to a post w/ her name. Both were poofed due to policy. However, I have yet to see things poofed on general board. In fact, there are several active threads on there now posted by BS. I apologize if I offended anyone here. I thought your general board was like our's - where all parties affected by infidelity are welcome to participate.

GeezLouise,
Maybe you see something I don't, but how am I "busted"? I have been upfront w/ both boards. This may seem strange from someone involved in EMR, but I do not lie intentionally. I have been honest w/ you all. I also explained to MM#2 and MM#1 (when I found out) that if their wife or warden were to ? me - I would not lie about our involvement.

The only thing I find offensive is that you posted on the other board about how Judgemental everyone here was, and reading through the responses you got here,I feel you got some solid feedback. It just seems like you came here only to report back to the other board about how "awful" it is here.<p>Everyone is welcome to partcipate here. I myself was "pouffed" on gloryb - on my one and only reply on the General board. I felt I was giving some good feedback, from another point of view, but apparently it didn't fit with what everyone wanted to hear! Since that time- I don't care to participate there, but I certainly never came here to tell everyone about the experience. The boards are for two separate purposes.<p>Anyway SOW22MM - I really do hope you resolve your situation. My advice is get OUT of those relationships, get some counselling, find a SINGLE man!

YEP! Your post definitely displays the type of behavior that is appalling to those of us on this board who are trying everything in our being to keep our marriages intact. I feel that you came here with the undermining intentions of "stirring the pot" although your post tries to color your situation as something different. I've followed some of your posts on GloryB.com (as others according to the responses that you've received) and find you to be a most willing participant in EMA's that involve a married man who is not wedded to thee. If your posts on "the other site" hold any truth, I must say that quite frankly, I'm rather disgusted that people such as yourself have free reign to perform adultress acts within a government run facility. Taxpayers, such as myself, help provide your salary and you, my dear, are a ward of the state. Not only are you screwing (literally) other government employees on government time but you are also screwing the taxpayers of this country.<p>[ January 17, 2002: Message edited by: GeezLouise ]</p>

I have no intention of "stirring the pot". Also, I am not a ward of the state - I work at a privately owned and operated facility. Our inmate labor generates the needed funds to run facility. I never said it was "right" that I am in EMR. Personally, I would love to find a SG. However, I work at night, sleep in day when kids at school, and afternoons are devoted to carpooling to the sport of the season, dance, gymnastics, and batton classes, homework, and dinner. I never go out and only meet men through work.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by SOW22MM:
<strong> but I do not lie intentionally. I have been honest w/ you all. I also explained to MM#2 and MM#1 (when I found out) that if their wife or warden were to ? me - I would not lie about our involvement.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>The problem, S, is that there are lies of commission and there are lies of omission. Honesty means the truth, the whole truth, and NOTHING BUT the truth. When you interact with someone in a way that misleads them, as you are doing with the BS, you are being dishonest with them.<p>For instance, just because I wasn't aware that my H and the OW were stabbing me in the back at the time doesn't mean the wounds weren't inflicted AT THAT TIME. My whole world for months was not what I thought it was. Not only is it the most painful thing I've ever experienced, it is so disorienting and panic-provoking. It's like trying to take a step and every place you try to put your foot down is quicksand and you can't find any solid ground anywhere. You don't even know where you are right now because it feels like everything you based your life on was a lie.<p>Every memory, every moment you thought you were living was being stolen from you. As I told my H, it is like he took my baby away from me and gave him to someone else--can you even imagine the gutwrenching pain that is?<p>The pain is so bad that the night of D-day I found myself pounding my head as hard as I could into every hard surface I could find, thinking maybe I could knock myself into unconsciousness so I wouldn't feel it anymore, or at the very least make my outside hurt as bad as my inside in some vain attempt to balance it out and somehow neutralize it. I bloodied my head and the abrasions were there for weeks.<p>I wanted to go wake my H up and give him the biggest knife in the house and BEG him to plunge it into me because I would prefer him to inflict THAT pain on me than this.<p>That is what you are doing to this woman every time you interact with her and every time you are with her H. She may not be feeling it now, but she will, and you will be partially responsible for it. Can you really live with doing that to another human being? Dig deep down and connect with your core, your higher self, and be the woman and mother you know you can be.<p>I think everyone here has been honest with you. Any harshness arises from the pain I described to you. Have you ever had a pet who was injured? When you touch the wound, they sometimes snap and bite, not because they want to hurt you, but because they cannot stand the pain and desperately want it to stop.<p>I hope you find your way, S. It's never too late to do the right thing.

My apologies if I incorrectly assessed your situation. I thought about the privately owned (corporate) aspect of prisons after I posted. If this is the case....I was wrong to falsely accuse you of being a government employee. The posts that I've read on GloryB.com did not specify this.<p>If you've truly come to this board with no ill-will then I believe that you'll find some honest, open, revealing yet painful responses to your situation as an "other woman". Please bear with us as betrayed spouses as we bear with you as the other person. <p>Welcome to Marriage Builders and I hope that you receive as much insight as I have as to why these horrible things happen. Sometimes the outcome if wonderful and other times it is not so good. But with the help of people who have "been there" perhaps we can learn from one another's mistakes.<p>Again...my apology if I offended you.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by SOW22MM:
Personally, I would love to find a SG. However, I work at night, sleep in day when kids at school, and afternoons are devoted to carpooling to the sport of the season, dance, gymnastics, and batton classes, homework, and dinner. I never go out and only meet men through work.<hr></blockquote><p>Maybe you could meet a nice SG at a church function. You could take the kids with you to church, almost all church communities have school/play activities for the children during services. Quite a few have Singles activities as well, aside from Sunday services. <p>I bet you could find a sexy, nice, caring SG if you really wanted to. <p>Lv,
Jo

sow22mm,
I too, think you are bragging.If you really wanted rid of these two mm that just can't seem to resist you, you would do one thing and that is
SHOW THEM THE DOOR!

Quote:
_____
Personally, I would love to find a SG. However, I work at night, sleep in day when kids at school, and afternoons are devoted to carpooling to the sport of the season, dance, gymnastics, and batton classes, homework, and dinner. I never go out and only meet men through work."
____<p>So are you saying that you cannot live without a man? That if a single guy is not available at this very moment then you have to settle for a married man? <p>There are so many things you could do to meet single men... There are plenty of internet sites for singles to meet singles. Then there are the parents without partners organizations, churchs, etc. So that excuse does not hold water... nope don't buy it at all.

S,
Your story is very interesting, and I do have a few questions:
1- Where is the father/fathers of your children?
2- Have you ever been married? How many times?
3- Are you from a divorced or single parent home?
4- Are the married men you are involved with helping you financially, through gifts for you, your children, your home, bills, etc.?
5- Are you financially secure on your own?
6- Are you the victim of some type of abuse? (Don't have to answer this one online, just wanted you to think about how it could be affecting the types of relationships you choose)
7- Do you feel your children need some type of male influence, therefore the men are justified and fill a neccessary part for them?<p>I have more questions, but that is a start. My advice, read the parable about the four soils, and the one about the growing seed. You reap what you sow, just like a seed- it grows over time, and produces many times itself. Take a long look at what you choose now, and decide if when the time to reap comes you really want the harvest, and the amount.

I've gotta echo what NinaToo says--obviously, you've got no problems attracting men. Find some single guys. <p>Why the attraction to married men?? Is it the challenge or what? Seriously, without re-quoting what the others have expressed about personal safety and job security, the best possible thing for you to do to demonstrate compassion and a general sense of doing the right thing would be to immediately terminate relationships with both MM, find a new job where you have NO contact with either of them and move on with life.<p>Maybe that sounds ludicrous or impossible. However, as long as you work with anyone involved, there are going to be problems that magnify themselves precariously as time passes.<p>Good luck, God Bless and I sincerely hope that you will leave these MM alone. <p>Guido

How would he ever explain this to his wife??? Not to mention his missing ring. I work w/ his wife. I could have given it to her. How would he explain that? Are they that trusting of us, that naive', or do they just not give a damn if the affair is discovered? Or is it only my MM who behaves like this? Not to mention the gifts, cards (in their handwriting), phone calls, etc.
This is something a wayward spouse (ws) does, not a betrayed spouse (bs). Usually the ws tells the bs anything/everything they can think of and most of the time it makes no sense, but what are ya' gonna do?<p>Sometimes the ws wants to get caught because of the enormous pressure of leading two separate lives.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by SOW22MM:
[QB]<<<< Mind you if I disclose said info, it is not to hurt her - it is so she doesn't ask me later how I could work w/ her etc. and not tell her.>>><p>Guess What? Way too late for that now!<p><<<< My son had took the garbage out earlier and apparently left the front door unlocked. This was around 11 p.m. MM#1 was standing there holding my daughter just watching me. I screamed (natural reaction, not fear per say). This woke my 8-year-old daughter. She adores MM#1 >>>><p>You expose your children to this sordid garbage!?!!? How can you do that!?!? That really churns my stomach. I have single friends who wait for 6 months before they even introduce a SINGLE boyfriend to their kids. What a mess.<p><<<MM#2 was initially against me telling #1's Wife. Last night he said to go ahead. However, if I do this it will be tension filled at work not to mention wife may take info to Warden.>>><p>No one thought of this before? All this workplace adultery doesn't make for tension already?<p><<< I just bought this place 5 months ago, short of moving, what can I do??? Should I fear MM#1 as MM#2 says??? What is it MM#1 wants? Please advise.>>>><p>The answer is quite simple. Break off both relationships completely and change your locks & inform them that if they show up again a restraining order will be forthcoming. Don't date any more men you work with. What does MM #1 want? To have his cake and eat it too and you continue to be a willing puppet at his beck and call.<p><<<If you recall my story I am w/ a new MM (only second EMR, not a pattern, and will be my LAST)>>><p>One EMR is an incident. After that it is a pattern. Saying "this is ONLY my second EMR" sounds completely ridiculous.<p><<<I don't see how she couldn't know. Except she is ultra nice to me. No cattiness at all.>>><p>I know a wife who always used to buddy up to her H's OWs. She hoped it woudl keep them from continuing the A with her H. It never worked. They were nice to her face and still kept having sex with her husband. Interestingly, she eventually left him and he freaked out, contested the divorce and everything.

<<< He still comes over etc. I let him as new MM doesn't have nearly as much time. XMM bonded w/ my kids and I feel they need him, esp. my daughter.>><p>Do you have the faintest CLUE how unhealthy this situation actually is for a young child!?!?! This man is married to someone else for God's sakes. He HAS a family, even if they don't have children. Why do so many cheaters and their OP involve children (on either side) into this mess? It's not playing house, kids are not dolls. They need good role models to teach them values and right from wrong. I rmemeber reading the OW board befoer and noticing how many OW were the child of a cheater or an OW (or both). Now those women were crying over an MM and involved in dysfunctional relationships in their adult life.<p><<Sometimes I feel so guilty.>><p>Geez Ow I should hope so.<p><< I don't want to hurt her.
Yet, I am not willing to keep XMM from coming over.>>><p>Hollow, self serving, meaningless words.<p><< At one point I made this effort but he wasn't abiding by my rule.>><p>Cahnge the locks, call the police, fiel a restraining order, say NO!!!<p><<< I am not callous, cruel, or out to hurt XMM"s wife.>><p>But yet you keep acting that way and you keep hurting her. More self serving,meaningless blah blah.<p><< I want to tell her not to break her and XMM up - because the only reason he is not w/ me is because I send him home etc.>><p>Uh huh. this guy has you so snowed you'll need a dozen snow shovels to dif your way out. The reason he is still in his marriage is because he wants to be there, for whatever reason. True, he's not with you because you "send him home" but if you weren't sending him home he'd probably still be with his wife too.<p><<I just feel she doesn't deserve the treatment he gives her. I also think that if and when the truth comes out she is going to look at me and feel doubly betrayed.>><p>She doesn't deserve the treatmetn you give her either. Friendly to her face and stabbing her in the back. The damage has been done.<p>
<<What is your opinion. Right or wrong as I have said I am not going to stop him from coming over.>>><p> Why don't you tell her that then? The truth. I used to boink your H, now I am boinking someone else's, but I still like having your H come over to my homee and play house with my family. Can we still be friends?<p><< He satisfies many needs my kids and I have.>><p>Your kids need to learn that it's okay to have affairs? Okay to be married an cheat on your spouse? Okay to play house with another family when you have your own? Newsflash - This guy is no positive role model and his presence in your home and exposing your kids to this situation is doing them a grave disservice. Someday, they, or their future spouse will very likely suffer for it.<p><< I can't imagine where he tells her he goes. This has not been the first weekend he has spent here. I never ask him what he tells her.>><p>Don't worry. He's probably just as good as lying to her as he is to you.<p><<< In a weird way I am hoping to actually help their relationship, or at least absolve myself of part of the responcibility of the failure of their relationship.>><p>Gasp, choke, sputter...<p><<<I keep imagining a scene where I give her full disclosure and we are sitting there chatting amicably. I am giving her advice etc. She is thanking me for being honest. And in the end we all end up friends. He still is there for my kids, I babysit for them so they can have dates to improve their relationship, we all still work together etc.>>><p> Um, highly unlikely- You being punched in the face, all of you being fired, losing your home, kids telling a therapist about their Mom the perpetual OW, being dragged into divorce court and having to testify, or the most likley scenario of all... Wife finds out, MM begs for her forgiveness, denies almost everything you said, no more contact, stays with wife.<p><<<Two weeks ago he came over complaining about my current MM - how he wasn't good enough for me etc. etc. I said well you are married too. He took off his ring and threw it in my yard and said f@@@ my marriage and f@@@ my wife. He then left.>>><p>Oh please. He's a drama queen and a cakeman.<p><<< If they valued their marriage that much they wouldn't be cheating.>>><p>Here come the justifications. Bet there's a lot more where that came from.<p> << Good thing I am not one of those women who is interested in breaking up their relationships.>><p>Shall we give you a round of applause?<p> <<< So as I washed his clothes he was wearing one of my nightgowns. We had the music blaring and he and I were dancing w/ the kids. My little girl began taking pictures. I have since had them developed.>>><p>God this is sick. are you TRYING to see how much you can warp your kids?<p><<<To all Bs on this board. I come in peace. I am really just curious on your take on this situation. >><p>And I've got some swampland to sell you... This post was designed to be incendiary. Either that or you are truly the most clueless woman on earth. You seem quite proud of yourself and have no intentions of stopping your behavior so why bother. Do whatever you want, you obviously do anyway with no regards to anyone else's feelings except your own. Let other people coddle you if they want to, this is ridiculous. Shades of OLGMG lol.

fairydust..... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ January 18, 2002: Message edited by: zorweb ]</p>