Hi, Indy,
I haven't really had a lot of time to respond to your posts, but I have followed your situation all along....you have been growing and making TREMENDOUS strides.....hang in there, brother!<p>WOW! Alien-Speak is in FULL BLOOM, here, isn't it?! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Let me comment on her e-mail, if I may:
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>...i will presume that this is how you prefer to have me contact you and that's fine. </strong><hr></blockquote>
Talk about anger!! It SHOUTS out from her opening. Indy, she is very angry that she cannot manipulate the situation or you.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong> I have no ill-will towards you or anyone in your family, I just want to spend as much time with the kids as I possibly can. </strong><hr></blockquote>
Uh, OK!! If you SAY SO!!!!!

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>I would also like to get my things back ASAP! You have a court ordered agreement that you signed and had sent to my attorney way back in September. </strong><hr></blockquote>
Indy, refresh my memory, please? Didn't you GO THROUGH this several months ago??? Weren't you TRYING to get her stuff to her then? And SHE never came around to get it?<p>[qb <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>You have repeatedly not fulfilled your part of the agreement pertaining to the prompt return of my personal possesions within 10 days of the filing of that agreement.
[/QB]<hr></blockquote><p>I seem to remember a debate on the boards about whether or not YOU should deliver them to her. The consensus at that time, (and still is, in MY MIND) that if SHE wants her DA*M stuff so bad, she can come over and LOAD IT UP AND HAUL IT OFF!!! Don't back down from this, please? DO NOT be brow-beat into delivering HER stuff for her, even through this very accusatory e-mail claiming YOU WILL NOT give her the stuff. It IS boxed up and ready for her to pick up, right?<p>In your answer to this post, I would ask her if she EXPECTS YOU to deliver her DA*M stuff to her??? WHERE is that in the "written agreement"?<p>Hang in there, Indy, you're DOING GREAT! I'm proud of you.<p>Hugz & Prayers,

Everyone,<p> She called today while I was out moving things. She wanted to know why I haven't responed to her email and that she would like the kids for the weekend. I don't want them in his house anymore than need be. I find it funny that she didn't call me on my cell phone. That is the real reason that I gave her the business card. It just happened to have my email address on it. <p>Lupo,<p> It is good to hear from you again. I don't have time to give you a good reply to your post. I will think about it and get back on tonight.<p>Indy

Oooh Indy,<p>She sure is not going to give you credit for anything. She has not been able to come and get her things since Sept? Hm..... not your fault, you have been busy working and taking care of your family. Don't forget that. You even offered at one point and she got snippy.....<p>Ok Indy, you continue to take care of your family and don't listen to the babble. Abide by whatever 'court order' there is but don't let her bully you. <p>Your moving is hard work and don't underestimate your efforts. She wants to be with the kids as much as possible, then say sure no problem.....come back and act like their mom and my wife and you will have that opportunity. <p>Toughen your skin a bit, she will continue to bully you more but try hard not to pay attention to it. <p>You are doing good. For what it is worth, I am proud of you. <p>Take Care,
L.

Hi, Indy!
Ditto Lupo and Orchid. These are some smart ladies!<p>I know exactly how you feel when you say
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I know that I mean nothing to her and that our marriage didn't either. <hr></blockquote><p>YOU are being sucked into the fog!! I'm SOOOO tempted to believe the same thing about my H. Did you read the e-mail I posted from my H? The same kind of tone that your W has... very foggy... just as Lupo is trying to explain. If you didn't read it, go find it. I'll get the link for you if you like. The subject is How I learned that Plan B is for ME - and update.<p>I know this is hard for you to accept. Me too. BUT, you DO mean something to her, and your marriage meant something to her. ok??? She has decided that she wants something else in life right now, and THAT is more important to her than commitments she made to you. SHE is choosing to take a different direction in life - a direction without you [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] , but that doesn't mean that you meant nothing to her. I know you probably don't believe all that, but try. No, you're not perfect - none of us are - but I'm sure you were/are a great husband and father. She is not saying anything different... she's only saying she wants something else... she may be making a mistake - but she's going to figure that out one day.<p>Keep your chin up! You're a great person, and she's walking away... it's her choice. It's about HER, HER selfishness, HER decisions for her life... YEP - it affects EVERYONE around her, but it doesn't have to destroy everyone around her. k? Stay strong. You can do this. We're here for ya!!!

Everyone,<p> Thanks for the support. I know that you are all trying to make me feel better. Well, I just don't know if that is possible. I am just so sick and tired of this. I am and always will be nothing to her or anyone else that I ever knew. To answer the questions about her things. I have told her that I would give her her things, but I need to move in somewhere before I could give it to her. It is all mixed in with my stuff. <p> She went to my son's basketball game yesterday. She brought my step daughter and talked to my dad about her coming to spend time with them. When they told me about it I said that I won't interfer with that and I won't come over to bother them while she was here. I don't diserve to be anywhere near her or my other kids for that manner. Nor, do I deserve any marriage or family. Once I complete my move I am going to fall into obscruity. <p>Indy

{{{INDY}}} There's a hug for you. No human being should be allowed to tear at someone else's self-worth/esteem the way she's done to you. I did not like the tone of your last reply. Don't talk yourself into believing that you are not a loving, caring, GREAT DAD who DESERVES to have the same loving and caring in return. Your W has made her choices based on HER personality/views/ character....DO NOT let HER personality and her lack of character right now control YOU and YOUR emotions. I made that same mistake for a very long time. What we all need to learn is that how much we are valued has to first come from GOD, then ourselves. To have someone in our life who loves us, WE have to love ourselves first. I think it was BrambleRose who drove that point home to me when she said "why are you letting HIS emotions control yours? No human being should have that kind of power over another!" You know what, she was absolutely right. If you want to live a happy life, GO GET IT!!!<p>By the way, my kids and I moved out on February 2. Our house is sold, and we're headed to D court. Well, if you go and look at my post about an "Incredible Development", I think you'll see that my moving on and getting a life of my own has VERY MUCH affected how my H sees his future and now he's starting to really see that maybe OW is NOT his future after all....<p>I'm praying Indy, that you'll stop looking to other human beings for your own self-worth. Look to the Lord, who loves us ALL unconditionally....Father, I ask you to wrap your arms around Indy and his children; help Indy to truly understand the love you have for him as one of his children. Help him to understand that his sense of self has to come from you, and that if he looks to you, he'll get the strength, patience, wisdom, peace, grace, LOVE that only you know how to give. And Father, please help Indy and the doctors to find out what's wrong with his hands...he needs to be healthy for his kids. I ask that you'd cover him with your healing powers....I ask all these things in Jesus' precious name...<p>AMEN<p>Peace to you Indy!! Remember, if you want an awesome life for yourself, all you have to do is go out and get it!<p>Kari

Kari,<p> Thanks for you words and prayer. I tell you that moving and having to go through all of our things from the apartment had made me relive all of the beginnings of this again. It didn't help that I drove by them while I was driving to the house. That really hurt me. It was like someone punched me in the gut. I just wish she would have giving our family a real chance. I guess that our family was never really that important to her.<p> My dad did have a good idea yesterday. I am suppose to get the can back from her because she doesn't know how to take care of it. He told me to take it to her and leave it on the drive way to the their house, tow the van away, and remove the plate from their van that belongs to me. I don't know what do you think?<p>Indy

Everyone,<p> Well, we got everything over to the house today. The next week will be completeing the job. I forgot how hard it was to move. It was hard to see all of our things and no WW or step daughter. <p>Indy

Everyone,<p> I am sorry for the shortness of my last post. No sooner did I get off of the computer the phone rang. It was my WW. My dad told me it was her and I was just to tired and not in the mood to talk to her. I am just worn out from moving things. He told her that I would call her today. Thanks dad. He doesn't understand why I don't talk to her. I am going over to the house today to keep up the effort until it all gets done. Man, I hate to move. <p> I am sorry if it seems like I have slipped back wards alittle bit. I am reliving all of this crap because of the move. Is it normal to feel this way?<p>Indy

Hi Indy,<p>Why? Because you are making a 'life changing move' and not getting the family support from your W. Yes it will be like this for a while but you will adjust. Is it crap? Yes it is. It will not continue to be crap unless you allow her to keep you downtrodden. <p>Not sure if this will help or not but I wish I could just fly over there with the LB Fairie (aka Sing) and pound some motherly common sense into your W. Well if she ever comes here, let me know or hide me so I don't become the overbearing MB mom!!! LOL! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Don't change your direction. It is important that you keep your family in tact. She is not doing that now and it is become more visible. Don't give up on you and your family. K?<p>Hugz,
L.

Everyone,<p> I need some help with the responce to her email above. I would really like to make it a good one. <p>Orchid,<p> How are things going today? I haven't called her today and I am not going too. I think that I will just email her tomorrow.<p>Indy

Indy,<p>My advice has already been given. I know you are looking for more responses. That e-mail was from your 2/15/02 post. Put it out again so it will not be soo difficult for others to read. <p>just a suggestion. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.

Orchid,<p> I just sent you and email.<p>Indy

Hi, <p>I am still stuck at work so I will check on it later this evening. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.

Everyone,<p> I just wanted to let you all know that the kids and I will be spending our first night in the new house on Sunday. I am not doing to well tonight. I started going through all of the boxes and ran accross things that really brought me to my knees. <p> She called the office twice this week and I did it again. I hung up the phone upon hearing her voice. I just can't deal with her and these memories at the same time. It was all I could do not to just run out of the house. <p>Indy<p>[ February 22, 2002: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</p>

Indy,<p>It's been a long road for you.. doing it one day at a time. Seems that you are making it though.

Z,<p> It has been along time since I heard from you last. I hope everything is going better for you. I was just able to skim you posts. How are the kids doing? How is STL?<p>All,<p> Man, what a week I have had. Moving in to the house. I just got my internet service setup today. I really had a bad night on Sunday. It was very hard to sleep in our bed again. It was alittle over a year since I had last. I of course slept on her side. Then it just continued until yesterday. Here is what happened. I really have been down. I was thinking that an email or anything from my WS would be nice. Not sooner did I say that then I got an email from her. She forwarded me something on Military Pay issues. It was the sameone that made its way through my office about a month ago. She got it from OM. She then forwarded to a number of people and added myself last. I just was stunned. I didn't know what to think. To make matters worst. I got home and started going through alot of boxes. I just happened to open the wrong one. It contained all of the letters that I wrote her while I was at Recruit Training. They dealt with me finding out that I was going to be a father and her setting up our wedding. I was heart broken. I cried for almost two hours last night because of it. I just wanted to let you know what was going on.<p>Indy<p>[ February 27, 2002: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</p>

Indy,
Good to hear from you!!! I was beginning to wunnnder. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Sorry things are so tough for you right now.<p>many many many platonic hugggggggsssssssssssssss coming your way!!!!! <p>Come here and talk about it anytime. It's good for you to face those fears and sad feelings. Face them, let them out, then be ready to move forward as time goes on! I pray for more and more acceptance and personal healing for you. <p>Faith1

Faith,<p> Thanks for the words of encouragement. I ffind it that everytime I get some healing done something comes in and destroys it. I find myself still in love with my wife and it doesn't feel good to know that she is with another person and will be for the rest of her life. I just hope that it iis all worth it for her.<p>Indy<p>I have to go off line for awhile I will be back later tonight.

Hiya Indy, <p>I am just leaving work now and wanted to pop in and say Hi!!!! <p>Have you read my thread about acceptance? As usual your input is always appreciated. Let me know. <p>Thanks,
L.