No reason to feel stupid! You're not stupid, just desperate to have your life and husband back. Completely understandable!This makes the best of us absolutely crazy.<p>I recommend a time a way for BS. You need to get away from the entire mess for a few days to gather and settle yourself and to take a step back and think more objectively. Anytime you tell yourself to take action or to not take action you need to ask yourself if that is the advice you would give your own daughter.<p>WS's come out of the fog much, much more quickly if they must deal with the natural consequences of their behavior.Remember the affair is a fantasy, it doesn't stand up to reality or the fallout of the bad behavior. All of that unravels a fantasy pretty quickly. Remember something, it is not against Plan A to insist on respect for yourself. Too many Plan A for way too long. If you weren't a horrible spouse there is no reason to Plan A for months on end. The Harley Plan is a TWO PART PLAN. Don't forget about Plan B. I see lots of people here these days Plan Aing forever and then going for a divorce. WHAT HAPPENED TO PLAN B. They leave out HALF of the equation and wonder why WS never came back. WHY? They never had to experience the consequences of their poor marital behavior. They never got to experience what it was like not to have ANY of their needs met by BS. They never got to experience what it was like for OP to try to meet ALL of their needs.
Believe in yourself! You are his wife, you've lived with him and know how to meet his needs better than anyone does. Let the chips fall where they may for WS. You need to focus on keeping your self respect in all of this and that IS compatible with a great Plan A.

Faith-n-Hope,<p>Act normal as if the meeting never take place ... it is hard but do you know that I gave my wife a hug and kiss on the cheek when I leave the house even she just come back home in the morning from ... you know where [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] . I block my mind and numb my heart out. I pay physically though ... once in a while I have to drink stomach relaxer. Patience and Consistency and Time will help your plan A.<p>Don't ask, bite your tounge and let H brings it up.<p>BTW: how is your plan A progress ?. On the issues ?. Being a doormat w/o working on issues is a wasted tortured.

We do talk about how we got to this point and how we both contributed. I think that is pretty much as far as we have gotten so far. We can't do too much with her in the picture. He did say someting odd though that I just remembered, I told him I felt like I was never going to catch up on Love Deposits (he has read SAA) if she is still there depositing them. He said "oh sure you will!" Like I stated in another post, he is saying Ilove you now with meaning instead of monotone...is that progress?

Faith-n-Hope,<p>Your H is correct, your LB$ and her is two different bank but he is a cake eater. In order for M to recover he has to stop the other deposit, thus no contact. It is hard when you competing w/ someone else in plan A. Focus on your plan A rather than second guessing H on his word. If his words follow by action the you have a right reason to get your hope up.

Redhat...thanks! I feel that he is here and has had plenty of opportunity to leave...he has, but always comes back. He has stated he sees himself with me in the long run, she has told me that she knows they won't stay together(i don't speak w/her any more...she e-mailed me saying I was her enemy...), plus he HATES her 3 kids. So I have a little hope there. I guess I will have to see how it plays and try to do a good Plan A w/o getting trampled!