VE, <p>Don't you think it is strange how so many different people with so many different backgrounds can act the same? It is scary at times to read these things that you say (and many others) about their WS and they are all so common.
I have been thinking about what your WH is doing. After the dinner thing at the friends' house, it really seems that he and my WH are very simular. My WH has called me 12 times since I have been in New York, but he has not called since Monday and I am going home for the weekend tomorrow. He is picking me up at the airport. He knows that I have friends here with me this week and I thought maybe he was afraid to call becuase he felt like he was intruding. So a friend convinced me to call him Tuesday night. He was asleep at 7:00 p.m. He never goes to sleep before 11:00. I asked him why he is so tired and he told me that his brother was at his apartment until very late the night before and he had not gotten much sleep. He also said that he had been sleeping a lot on the weekends since I was gone. I had been thinking that he and the OW were together all the time. This sure does not seem to be the case. Had I not called I would have just assumed that he did not call me bacause he was with her. I also would have assumed that he was with her Monday night as well instead of with his brother. His brother and I are very close and he is actually the one that talked me out of filing for D when I was in Plan B and had given up all hope. <p>I am guessing that you think you WH is with the OW when you don't know where he is. If your friends had not already told you that he was coming for dinner you may have thought that he was avoiding you and spending time with the OW. Well, it seems they are not spending as much time together as we might think and maybe things are not going well on the other side of the fence. Could the A for both of our WHs be dying a natural death? I sure hope so for both our sakes. They really seem to be in the same position right now and I sure hope it is a good one.

Hi Venus,<p>Just wanted to drop a note and say to keep your chin up. You have been doing an awesome plan A. <p>As my H is preparing to move out I read your posts with much intrest, your success has been great. If nothing else, you will always have the knowledge that you did everything in your power to save your M. (And I really believe you will).<p>I just hope to have your strength after my H leaves. I know he does not want date nights, but we will have regular contact due to having an absolutly incredible 4yo boy together. If nothing else, my H is the best Dad ever and I know leaving this home is killing him because of our son. He will want as much time as possible with our boy. So, I hope and pray for the kind of strength you have shown in your meetings with H in my meetings w/my H.<p>Keep posting, you inspire me and I may need to hit you up for some advise soon.<p>Take Care,
Needing

Hey SinkingFast and Needing!<p>Really want to respond to you both properly, but can't at the moment. H rang and asked me out to a movie tonight! Unbelievable! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>But I did want to pop on and thank you both for your words, thoughts, support and encouragement. Great discussion topics you've both brought up and I have many thoughts. Will try and come back on tonight and respond.<p>Wish me luck for tonight!<p>xoxo
VE

VE: I've read your posts here and feel your pain. I haven't had much a chance to read the replies, and my time is short, but I did want to wish you well tonight. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Keep your chin up dear, and I hope all goes well. I wish to keep up with your story and would love to post to you when I feel I may have something to add that might help. I'm sorry for your pain and that it seems to be taking so long to get past some of the bumps in the road. You are doing great though, and I wish you well.<p>TTFN - Take care of yourself.

Hello! I'm back from my weekly date - initiated by my H, thank you very much!!! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] It went well, actually. I think, over the past week, he's been suffering from major guilt over bailing out on me on V-day without explaination or even discussing it with me. It's probably where his silence and lack of contact came from. <p>When he first got to the house, he wouldn't even look at me. I just smiled and said hello and that it was nice to see him. Then I initiated a hug, which he held onto for a very long time. That seemed to break the ice a bit, as he immediately sat down on the sofa next to me (he normally sits on the other sofa, away from me) and began telling me about things at work and finally getting the car back. He was smiling and laughing and I remained attentive and looked him straight in the eye as he talked. Very cool, as I didn't used to do this. [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Then we picked out a movie to see together and decided where to eat. We chatted the whole way to the restaurant and then saw the movie together. Afterward, he drove me home and got out of the car to hug me. I thanked him for a lovely night, smiled and walked away. As I walked to the door I noticed he waited in the car, watching me walk away. Interesting, as he normally would have just driven off. <p>Another interesting thing - during the adverts and trailers before the movie, he talked to me the whole time. Never used to do that before. Weird.<p>SinkingFast I know exactly what you mean about WH behaving the same way and saying the same things. I try to explain this to my friends/family and they think I'm all bonkers. It wasn't until a friend of a friend had her very own WS that it "clicked" with them. My friend came to me and said, "you know, it's funny, but her WS seems to be doing and saying exactly the same things as your H!" I think I banged my head on the table at that point! LOL! Yes, they are all the same. It helps to know that, which is why I read so much on the subject. Knowledge is Power. <p>Unfortunately, however, I am also pretty in tune with when my H spends time with his OW. She lives 2 hours away (thank God she's not in the same city!) so it's only on the weekends that I know they are together. I don't know if that is a good or bad thing, as weekends are always a trigger in themselves for me. Their "visits" usually start on Friday night and last until Monday morning. So, no I don't have the bonus of knowing he wasn't with her last night in a "surprise" sense. I already knew. Still it's nice to know that she bugs the heck out of him at night and he doesn't like it! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Needing My heart goes out to you, sweetie! H moving out was the hardest thing I had to deal with. I was scared to be alone. Scared to sit in my huge living room on my huge sofa feeling very small. Scared to have no one to talk to. And admittedly, it was a very difficult transition. We don't have children, so the only thing I had to focus on was me. Hindsight being what it is, this was the best thing that could have happened - for ME. I was able to work on myself and do my counselling and reading without the interruption and added pain of having a WS under the same roof. We went back to "dating" which was arranged before he moved out, and have done it religiously ever since. If you can manage to sort that out with your H, then do. If not, you need to focus on yourself and do as much learning and healing as you can. Thankfully, you've got a wonderful son to focus on, too! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] And if you know that your H will be devastated by leaving your son, then that can only help to break down his A. Reality could kick in quite quickly, if you know what I mean.<p>Keep your head up, girl. I am TOTALLY here for you if you ever need advice or to vent. In fact, that goes for everyone. My email is venus.envy@blueyonder.co.uk - I thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for considering me an inspiration. If I can offer ANY help, I would be more than happy to do so!<p>Tutter Thank you, as well, for your support. It doesn't matter if you don't know my story. Just that you posted means a lot to me. Encouragement is always welcome! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Thank you, all!
Big hugs and gooey kisses!
VE<p>(can you tell I've just seen my H and it's put me in a great mood?)<p>[ February 21, 2002: Message edited by: venusenvy ]</p>