BR, you are a real inspiration. <p>Some1smom,
I am so sorry for what you are experiencing right now. I read your story for the first time yesterday and I had to go home and think about this.<p>I must say I have experienced some of the same types of things. Not quite as much as you...<p>My current partner and I dated a couple years ago for about 2 years. Thank goodness there are no children involved! He was a "player" and was verrrrrry slick, sly and sneaky. He would turn his phone off (always), would hide things, set up dates with people from the internet.<p>I did EVERYTHING I could to make him be faithful and committed. I did my hair as he liked it, rushed home to make him dinner, started working out, and on & on. Of course none of that worked. It was actually quite pathetic. I was trying to transform myself just HOPING he would "like" me. <p>But the one reason he never stopped those things is because I LET him cheat. I let him have all his OW, I let him do this & that. I finally decided I had had enough and that was that... for two years anyway. <p>Today he is a wonderful, caring man whose priorities are no longer chasing women but instead, making this relationship work. He went through two years of hell without me, and two years of growth and realizations of the consequences of his philandering (sp?). <p>I had to take control of my situation... just grasp it by the horns and wrestle that sucker down. <p>I want you to know that I know this isn't easy for you and I hope you do what's BEST for you. And what is BEST is not always the easiest route and it may not be what you think you want sometimes. Just put YOU and YOUR CHILDREN first. He comes somewhere later down the line. If you put yourself first things will become much more clearer. <p>Love,
Clear

Clear, I do love him and that is why I gave him so many chances. But I realize that no matter how much I said I don't want a cheater I was saying the exact opposite by staying, and no matter what I said he went by my actions. I still love him very much and if it were not for the fact that he has been awol since Sunday (dday) I might not have the strength to leave. We do have children together and he is a great father, though I think if he spent less time with ow he could spend more time with them. I certainly do not want to take that from him, and he has taken very good care of me financially. What I cannot get him to understand is that just because he did doesn't mean he can treat me this way. He seems to think one justifies the other. <p>Anyway I am glad that you and yours were able to work things out. I don't know that us splitting up will help but I like to think so, even though we've always said any time apart and we probably won't get back together. I guess we'll have to wait and see. Thank you for your support it means alot and it really means alot to know that someone in a similar situation, after time, was able to make it work.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by some1s_mom:
<strong>I am not married to this man, nor will I ever be so no (Sing) that is not what I wish to be. Maybe this isn't the board for me, I thought it was a place to just share ideas and hear others stories, but I see it is really a community of people working on the MB concepts, so I clearly don't fit in.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>some1s_mom<p>sorry I didn't mean to offend, <p>I'll go back & edit to put and or relationship.<p>isn't that what ya'll all want is a good relationship with someone. I was in a hurry before leaving before class, <p>honey,<p>my point was before you or anyone jumps on someone, understand where they are coming from.<p>for people who have been a long time, our stories are not always out there for you to see<p>this is not a newbie vs oldtimers or anytype of clique, BR has good advice, but it might not apply to you, <p>one of these things about message boards take what you want & throw the rest out.<p>I will say some of the best advice I got was when I 1st posted here, I only got 2 or 3 replies (someone who was a regular had a major crises) I didn't take the advice, looking back I wish I had, I might have saved myself months of heartache & my OS what damage might I have prevented, if I had acted on that advice but I can't change the past.<p>a year ago I was on here wkly if not daily crying
New Beginning, Wat, OOOO, STill Hers & others kept me from losing my mind.<p>I don't give lots of advice because my STBX did finally leave me, so I feel I may encourage BS to give up before they should, I would love to spare both BS, WS & yes even the OP the months of pain I went through.<p>That is all anyone here wants to do is help & try to spare just one person a minute of the pain, we have gone through