I can't exactly recall saying anything specifically hurtful but I'm sure that I did prior to knowing about the affair and since finding out about the same. My husband has always claimed to love me even when he was loving another woman. When I found out about his long-term PA, I asked him to love me a little less. Obviously, he and I have different definitions of the word love.<p>Yet, I have played my trump card and called him a "F*&king @$$hole" on at least one occasion that I can remember. Of course, since we are in recovery, that mode of terminology is now past tense. I believe in telling it like it is and don't "beat around the bush." I'm painfully honest....<p>[ February 19, 2002: Message edited by: GeezLouise ]</p>

My H said many STUPID things that hurt very much.<p>He told me that next time he would try to find a girl with parents. I guess I'm damaged goods? Obviously not a man who's ever had to deal with in-laws [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>Then he asked me if I would help him find someone else since I know him better than he knows himself. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I'm sure there were other such comments...but those were the two most memorable and painful ones.

My WW told me last summer that I have a unique "talent" for cutting to the bone when I choose to say something hurtful. I'm not at all proud of that "talent", but I'm glad she told me that so I can work at avoiding such hurtful statements in the future. Here's one example of something I said that I wish I could take back:<p>W has not told any of her family about her A; she fears (perhaps rightly so) that they will lose all respect for her and cut her out of her lives. Shortly after D-day when she told me that she didn't plan on telling them, I said "You have quite a dilemma-- you can tell them the truth and they may never speak to you again, or you can go on accepting their love with the knowledge that they don't even know you, and their love is actually intended for a fictional person you've created for them."<p>God, please forgive me.<p>BP

I called him a SLIMEBAG once during a heated conversation.

Wow in my anger fits there are so many but if I had to pick one he'd say was the cruelest it would be:<p>"You have never been able to make me orgasm."<p>and in the same conversation<p>"I see why you went and slept with a white girl, your sexual techniques are more geared toward them."<p>I knew it would hurt and I said it on purpose, not because I meant it because I enjoyed our lovemaking, but I hated that he had shared "it" with someone else. <p>Please noone take offense to the racist remark, I realize it was just that and I regret it so much, but she was the first interracial relationship I had ever hd to deal with, and I took it as an insult to me that he chose someone of a different race.

P.S. I MEANT IT TOO!!! lol

Two things:<p>"You are your father's son"(his father abandoned his mother for another woman.)<p>"I hope one day you get to experience what this is like, only then may you be able to understand why I was hurt as much as I was" (Written in last contact with him, period)

All these 'cruel' things were said to the WS under extreme stress and agony, and even then I don't think they are all that horrible. Certainly not compared to the cruel things the WS have said, combined with their actions. I know two wrongs don't make a right, but I do think that some of us are a bit too hard on ourselves in regard to 'cruel' things we've said.<p>Evensong

True enough, my WS was a nasty piece of work towards the end. I just hold myself to a higher standard than he could ever attain.

bp...Shortly after D-day when she told me that she didn't plan on telling them, I said "You have quite a dilemma-- you can tell them the truth and they may never speak to you again, or you can go on accepting their love with the knowledge that they don't even know you, and their love is actually intended for a fictional person you've created for them."<p>God, please forgive me.<p>snl...I am not sure God forgives people for telling the truth. You stated most succinctly a life truth.

I could join this thread ... I did a lot of outburst as a way to stop her from hurting me.<p>"I wish I never go back to Ohio (from my country) to marry you" ... She know it means a lot for me to say that, I could see her eyes hurting ... sigh.<p>"Why don't you stay with (OM) 2x Dv looser and go back to work to help him to pay his child support ?".<p>I could go on but I stopped after SH slapped me and just take her anger instead of firing back.

Okay ... I thought and thought and I knew I said mean stuff to him.<p>Like most, we were in the midst of a heated argument and I said "this isn't my life, it can't be! ... what kind of husband goes out and tries to populate <place city name here>, making babies all over the place and brings home diseases, a sleazy promiscuous worm, that's what kind!"<p>I did apologize, but as someone here said, I'm sure it left a "nail hole" in the fence. <p>I'm definitely no angel. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jo<p>[ February 19, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

OK,<p>You are not the man I married, if this is who you are now she is welcome to you. You are perfect for each other. I release from all vows, I'm leaving and takin S with me.<p>You are just like your father, and you can't resolve your issues with him, no wonder you can't resolve your own.<p>When asked how I became such a cruel emotional ugly person, this was in the heat of a fight when I told him that I that I hated the OW more than I thought it was possible to hate a person, that she was evil and I wished the same type of evil be visited upon her as she had brought upon me. I pointed at him and told him it was his fault I was like this, that he had made me into the person I was now. If he wanted to know where my ugliness came from, all he had to do was look in the mirror.<p>Oh my, there is so much more...

My worst LB incident was early on... about 2 weeks after d-day. She was at a retreat for a long weekend, and I had time to stew. I wrote a rather nasty letter, thinking it might "snap her out of it" - and it did ever so briefly, I think. She read it, broke down, bawled like a baby, saying things like, "I've ruined our lives", etc. She went to bed, actually treating me a bit better. In the morning, she was better, too. But as time went on, I could tell it backfired. (She probably went running to OM who was like, "oh, I'd never say things like that - he's such a bad husband.")<p>What did I write? Stuff like, "You violated a sacred trust wilfully and with a degree of malice" and "You’re lucky – you lost your love for me and found new love at the very same time. I never got that chance."<p>Okay newbies - learn from me! Don't do what I did! [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

I know I told him I hope our sons never grow up to be like him, since I had always taught them they should grow up to be the kind of man he was,
however I don't want my sons to grow up to cheat own their wives<p>I may have told him I was sorry I had prayed to keep him save for 16 yrs of international travel at the time. That I would no longer pray for him,

When he told me that he and OW had had oral sex:<p>Screaming and savagely sarcastic: "Did she taste good!!??? [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Rose Red

Disclaimer: It was a long time ago, and I was seriously deranged!<p>I woke him up from a sound sleep... ("Why should HE sleep when I am so anxious and angry?") .... and I made him strip off his t-shirt and shorts ..... and I stood him in front of a full-length mirror.... and I said:<p>"Do you think you are some sort of a prize? She can have you!"<p>Oh, soooo bad, bad, bad. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] I am so sorry for those words.<p>About a million "nail holes" that I can't take back.<p>Pepper [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Okay...here goes...My H never respected his D....I told him he was just like him......that hurt and I know it. This is the second time he has had an A...I told him I shouldn't have taken him back the first time (that was 13 yrs ago). I am not sure if that bothered him...but at the time it felt good to say it even though I didn't mean it. I don't think that anything else was really that bad!
MAX

I have to say, after thinking about it, and asking my H, the worse...the worse thing I said to him was this.....<p>"Did you wash *it* off before rolling in the sack with me?" (referring to the fact that OC and *our* firstborn DD were two weeks apart....)<p>*sigh*<p>
Twiisty

"Well, you really should marry her. Two dogs deserve to lie down with each other."<p>"Do you think you can be an NCO? I mean, how can you lead soldiers when you can't live up to those Army values of duty, honor, and integrity yourself?"<p>"How does it feel to have disgraced that uniform?"<p>"Well, you certainly are more like your mom than you thought."<p>And the very worst...<p>"Was it good? Did you have fun? Good! I am so glad! I would hate to think that while I was sitting in AZ thinking about slicing my friggin wrists open, you weren't having an awesome time! I would simply hate to think that I had to go through pain like that and you didn't get to have a really fu***ng good time for it!"<p>Blade<p>married 3 years now
military
two children -- 2 years and 6 months
OW was hubby's ex-GF, tracked him down