MM - You are denying the realities that lie ahead and are inevitable. <p>I never in a million years expected to cheat on my husband. I guarded my heart and loved my husband dearly. I met my OM in the building I worked at. He was doing contract work there, right next to my office. He was nice and we were both married and had a lot in common. I hated eating lunch in the office and he'd rather enjoy my company at lunch then the guys he spent all day working with. So, we became wonderful friends. Sharing our lives, stories of our spouses, our kids, our dogs. We laughed, he shared my tears when my mom had heart surgery. We were great friends. Who would have ever thought we'd end up in an affair exchaning I love yous, etc. Not me. Never! Well, my friend, never say never!<p>We kissed a few times, and it just got easier to make time to be together. Time out with the girls turned into meeting him. Did you ever think about "business trips" to be together. Or what happens when your lunches turn into long lunches to take care some things that end up at a hotel instead. It's all a very real possibility. This borrowed time we shared was wonderful. It was full of joys, laughs, fun, etc., all the "for better" things you find in a marriage, but without all of the "for worse" things. My friend, you really need to get out of this situation now. You deny what you know is inevitable because you don't want to believe it. Deep down, you know what realities lie ahead. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you will surpass it. Noone likes to lose a really good friend, but one must see the signs they are facing, especially when they are clear in front of you. Someone asked the question of how you would feel if your wife found a "friend" to kiss, hold hands with, and say I love you to. I bet you wouldn't see it the same way you see you and your friend. Just a guess.<p>I wish you well, and hope that you can see the road you are headed down for what it really is.

First of all, thank you. No one has offended me in the very least. I appreciate your answers, and questions to me. It is all very helpful.<p>I am not trying to argue a point, but I want to raise this issue to see what you think. The woman and I do not want a sexual affair. That is very clear. Plus, she works all those hours, and simply does not even have time to meet for lunch. It is rare that we can have lunch. What we mainly do is talk on the phone<p>I have shared my feelings very much during the last six months, but I am not as infatuated, in love or whatever you want to call it. She has told me that she is glad I am in her life. At the last dinner meeting -- it was in a private room at a club -- i asked her to sit on my lap at the end of the night. She did. I held her, massaged her neck, told her how I felt. No sexual touching. She said she was glad I was in her life.<p>But we might not do that again for two weeks or more. <p>At the most basic level it is wrong. If my wife was doing it, I would not like it. But if I did not know about it, it may not bother me. This woman fills a spot in me -- a weakness in me -- and I want to close up that hole, but for now we seem to be just good friends.<p>A woman did email me, though, and say that when woman allows a man to touch her face that is very intimate. I have done that several times. I can't read her actions. She does not tell me what she feels. The woman who emailed me said to look at what she is allowing. She said the woman does care for me, and I was foolish to not realize that and stop it.<p>Is this woman right?<p>I am used to a woman coming out and speaking what is in her heart. This woman is so closed, that it is hard to pull from her what is going on. Almost like a man. That leads me to believe that it is ME who is in love, and if I back off, all will be well.<p>Am I right?

MM - You are trying so hard to rationalize this relationship that you're missing the obvious:<p>1) You are having an affair.
2) Unless you stop know, it will progress to a physical relationship
3)

MM - You are trying so hard to rationalize this relationship that you're missing the obvious:<p>1) You are having an affair.
2) Unless you stop know, it will progress to a physical relationship
3)

MM - You are trying so hard to rationalize this relationship that you're missing the obvious:<p>1) You are having an affair.
2) Unless you stop know, it will progress to a physical relationship
3)

MM - You are trying so hard to rationalize this relationship that you're missing the obvious:<p>1) You are having an affair.
2) Unless you stop know, it will progress to a physical relationship
3)

MM - You are trying so hard to rationalize this relationship that you're missing the obvious:<p>1) You are having an affair.
2) Unless you stop know, it will progress to a physical relationship
3)

MM - You are trying so hard to rationalize this relationship that you're missing the obvious:<p>1) You are having an affair.
2) Unless you stop know, it will progress to a physical relationship
3)

MM - You are trying so hard to rationalize this relationship that you're missing the obvious:<p>1) You are having an affair.
2) Unless you stop know, it will progress to a physical relationship
3)

MM - You are trying so hard to rationalize this relationship that you're missing the obvious:<p>1) You are having an affair.
2) Unless you stop know, it will progress to a physical relationship
3)

MM - You are trying so hard to rationalize this relationship that you're missing the obvious:<p>1) You are having an affair.
2) Unless you stop know, it will progress to a physical relationship
3) When your wife finds out (and don't think she won't), you and she will experience a pain you can't even imagine. I know, because I found out two weeks ago that my W went down the same road you're on.<p>Time to exit before you crash!!!

OOPS! Don't know what happened back there! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

This is what is happening here, folks: This guy is pursuing this woman. She is not reacting as he would like, so he is coming here to find out from people with experience with extramarital relationships if he has a chance with her. If you read all of these posts in one swoop, this becomes crystal clear.<p>I already challenged him to do this "nonsexual touching" with his daughter, sister, or mother on another thread, yet he continues to refer to what he does as not being sexual.<p>The pattern in his responses is very apparent. He ignores everything everyone points out that doesn't fit his agenda and keeps pursuing the same themes. When he says she has no time for an affair, he gets the response he wants--that those with no time found time. When he challenges that she is not the type, he gets responses from those who never dreamed they would do it, but they did, so he gets the hope he is seeking--that even if she is not willing now, she could be if he keeps at it.<p>MM, I, for one, will not continue to enable you in this pursuit for validation and encouragement for your abysmally poor choices as a man and a husband. There are other boards for that. If you want our help in ending your affair and rebuilding your marriage, that is what we are here for, but until you show a good faith effort at that, I'm not going to provide you with any more information that might help you to continue to destroy your M, and I will encourage everyone else to do the same.

Conquerer, I suspect you are right. Plus it makes me sick to read his twisted justifications for his disgusting affair - I can just see my own WH writing like this. I pity his wife, I bet he won't send her here to read his posts so she can see what he's up to. <p>Evensong

I have read the replies and find them helpful. But I must disagree on a couple points.<p>1. It is not a sexual thing I seek. In the last year I have turned down two propositions from women to have a sexual affair. It is wrong and not what I seek.<p>2. I like this woman as friend. I am not trying to get her to do anything sexual with me. I enjoy talking with her, her company and I admit, holding her hand. <p>But I don't consider that an affair. That may be splitting hairs, but I just dont see it. You ask if I would like my wife doing that. I'd say no, but I could understand it in a sense. We cant be all things to everyone. Sometimes it is nice to reach out and talk with someone and feel that spark.<p>Also, and no one believes me on this, but this woman is very much in control. Even if I wanted a sexual affair, I know she would not do that. And I am glad for that. She guards her heart and it has taken a while to get her to trust me as a friend. And she is extremely busy. Literally, every hour of her day is spoken for. This is not a traditional friendship where we can sneak off for long lunches even if we wanted to do so.<p>I am not coming to the board for approval, but to help me figure out what is going on in my head and heart. I have a feeling that there are many men and women out there grappling with what I going through.<p>thanks

This is MARRIAGEBUILDERS I thought that was rather obvious. Obviously not for you. There may be people "out there" who are grappling with the issues you are but they don't post on a site called "MARRIAGEBUILDERS". You have no concern for your wife or your marriage you are just interested in analyzing this woman and your relationship. As this is MARRIAGEBUILDERS would you agree that his is not the place to do that?<p>Why don't you try gloryb.com or philanderers.com posters there will be glad to help you grapple with your "issues"

An emotional affair can be defined simply as this: If your conversations cannot be said with your W present, IT IS AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR! How do I know? I had one!<p>You long to be with this person and you can't wait until the next conversation, right? IT IS AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR! There are thousand of books on this topic. The people who have responded to your posts are not making this stuff up. Hundreds of counselors and psychologists have written about this type of relationship to DEATH!<p>It is not appropriate and is devestating to your M. EVEN without physical contact! In fact, the EMOTIONAL AFFAIR is the most difficult thing to break away from! Believe it or not, a one night stand is easier to recover from. Either way, you are in it deep! Since you came to this web-site, I know you are questioning yourself and you should! I've been there and so have many others. It won't stop eating away at your life until you stop and realize what you are doing. No one can force you to, you have to do it for yourself and of course your wife!