BR..... great post. As usual you hit the nail right on the proverbial head. BANG!!! <p>Jo,
I am soo glad this has helped U. My thoughts were similar to BRs but my lack of mental clarity? prevented me from putting it as well as BR. <p>U Jo are one great lady. Not a secret. So you should not keep it a secret also. K? Now I don't want you to get a big head (though I don't think you ever would anyway). But I know that all the love pent up in your heart needs to be shared in order for it to grow and when the time is right you will allow it to happen. <p>As for you X-H, well it is his loss and time will show that to him in the most irrefutable manner. <p>You know from reading your post and BRs I sense that when his mom died, he expected you to become his mom. When you did not it made him angry. <p>Now my sarcastic side said that is why he went after Mrs. Pruneface...... when in reality he got a mentally immature old looking woman. Probably no where close to his mom. But he hasn't figured that out yet. Oh well....... time will tell. <p>In the meantime U Jo, go forward and let your love grow. It would be a shame for yourself and the rest of the world not to benefit from your grace. <p>Hugz,
L.

Jo<p>Where is the hug icon or the tear icon when you need one? [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] I am so sorry for your pain. The situation stinks and I totally understand how you feel. I shudder to think of how easily that very thing could have happened "me" and "us" in our situation. I feel that I would most likely be reacting just as you are.<p>I wish ( :: ) I could take your pain, put it in a pouch and throw it off a tall cliff for you to see or feel no more.<p>I pray the good Lord comforts you and that you feel His great big protective and caring arms around you. That His love and the love everyone here feels for you will patch your broken heart. That you are provided with that special calming peace you need.<p>Many have given you wise words here. I know this...It's not about you, it's about him! (your husband) [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Have you seen this? <p>Have you seen the life I planned?<p>It is really good and I am hoping it will provide you with some comfort. <p>Much love to you and know you will be in my prayers,<p>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jo}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<p>[ February 22, 2002: Message edited by: A blessed Samantha ]</p>

You Guys!!! I'm welling up with tears here.<p>I'm so overwhelmed with all your support and concern, I feel so fortunate to have you all helping me thru this. <p>I'm trying to keep focused on the positives, and I'm trying to remember that if I truly love this man, that I should want the best for him, his happiness, whatever that may be. And I do still love him ... Go Figure [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Trying to be this selfless concerning him and his new life is not easy, it's against the grain, I think it's going to take practice.<p>I'm letting myself hurt, I'm reading all your words to me which have helped me immensely, and I hope I will be able to let go of the bitterness and resentment, but most of all I hope I really can make it without him ever in my life again. I do miss him so much. Cutting him off completely has been incredibly hard.<p>I can't say thank you enough, I'm completely taken aback by all the warmth and caring.<p>Love,
Jo<p>SnL ... you know I would say perhaps OW and H are a right "FIT" too, but thing is, she will NOT, I repeat NOT let him get away with anything. She is sreet wise and already aware of his bag of infidelity tricks, and she lets NOTHING slide. I have first hand experience with this. So, I don't know if that's good or bad for him. I would go so far as to say that he should fear for his physical well being if he tries to cheat.<p>[ February 23, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

JO,<p>glad to see you are stronger. <p>You are a great lady, REMEMBER this.<p>I love what you did to the sign. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>YOu are not prying asking "IF" I take the STBX back if he came knocking.....<p>Hard to answer. Remember he left after 2 yrs of this & him staying was never about me, it was the boys. He had no feelings for me what so ever, <p>BUT, yeah I would try again, ONLY because of my soon to be 10 yr old son & any future grandchildren we might have. BUT, and this is the big but, he have to do a lot of things before I ever let him back in my home. I think, this came up a few months ago from someone there are things like BREAK OFF WITH OW, no contact ever; live on his own for 6 months or so (for me I wouldn't live with my STBX again as long as OS is living at home); get over withdrwal, IC, then MC and dating to see if we really wanted to do this, and he have to court me BIG TIME. You know OOOO & his ring idea, I am talking big time here<p>However my STBX WILL never come back, once he FINALLY made the decesion to leave that was it. He has made a few statements of regeret but I told him all he was doing was hurting me that if he was not leaving OW that I was not the person to be telling his doubts & fears. If he left her I be willing to listen. Those comments dried up reall fast. <p>Another thing, I think for my STBX as soon as his A went to a PA it was really over for us. It took to 2 yrs but I don't think he ever or can ever get over the fact he crossed the line, so he has to make that line right. He even agreed I might be right on this theory.<p>HOpe you have a good wkend. I have a project & midterm to study for all wkend. FUN [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Jo,<p>HOpe your wkend is going well. Are you better?

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by sing:
<strong>Jo,<p>HOpe your wkend is going well. Are you better?</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Sing, do you have radar on me??? I was just in the kitchen making pasta, like we always use to, and I was wondering if he makes pasta for OW like he did for me. <p>When he left me it was so so hard, when he divorced me I was sure I was going to die. But knowing he loves her enough to marry her cuts like a sharp hot knife. She stole my life, and he let her.<p>I'll be okay, I'm going to read and take some Ambien before bed. <p>Are your week-ends hard for you too, Sing. They have been for me since he left, but they were getting easier until this. But I'll get there again.<p>Jo

Jo,<p>Your pasta sounds good. Hoping today is good for you. <p>Weekends so far haven't been hard. One of the boys are almost always here usually OS (then it is waiting for him to come home). This is the 1st wkend since NYE that both have been gone at the same time for more than a few hrs but then I am trying to finish a project that I hate & there is that multi culture mid term I have Tue. <p>But I think general overall loneliness is the hardest for me, for several reasons I seem to have lost most of my friends & I just don't want to make any new ones yet<p>I have been subbing in my old school the last couple of wks, so it is nice to be around people again. I could turn into a hermit very easily<p>Go enjoy your day, I am taking my stuff outside & sit by the pool for ahwile

jO,<p>How about dreaming up a spoof Bride Magazine? What articles/sections could we have?<p>The Perfect Honeymoon - for the couple that has been having a years' long extramarital affair and are sick to death of each other in the sack.<p>Why Not Wear White? <p>Seating Charts for the Wedding - Where to Put the Groom's ex-wife, Where to Put the Groom's Other Affair Partners<p>The Bridal Shower For Barflys - Should you register at your local liquor store?<p>The Etiquette Column - This Month's Topic: What to Say when the Bride is a Troll<p>Your Health - How To Skip the Blood Test when Applying for your Marriage License<p>Coming Next Month: Cubic Zirconian engagement rings - Not Just for First Marriages Anymore<p>I keep waiting for an update on this engagement, I predict it's going to be extremely rocky. I also see you coming out of this like a lady.

My heart hurts so much for you. It is unbearable what you have to be feeling. I've read that about 5% of marriages that begin as affairs last. <p>It turned out to be true in the case of my H's affair. The woman he was with (my former best friend) was only married 6 mos at the time, we both stood in the wedding. This was her second marriage, which started as an affair during her first marriage. They divorced 3 years later. Her husband told me that he married her out of guilt over breaking up her first marriage and it was pretty much doomed from the beginning. Her first marriage lasted less than a year.<p>Take care of yourself and I will pray for you.

Oh Jo,<p>I am so sorry to hear what is going on with you. You have always had such wonderful advice for me when I started here way back when. You were always kind and I know you deserve much better than the hand you have been dealt.<p>We will make it, all of us will. It will be better. <p>Elizabeth

Hello,
I've just wanted to let you know how I understand you completely.
Reading my signature will you explain everything.<p>Want to ask you a q what I've been asked these 2 yrs and especially now:
Would you really like him be back and do you believe that your M can be restored?<p>I am still sure that my answer is YES, YES, YES<p>Peple around me, friends think just the opposite.
But I am sure I loved/love him so much and that he is the first and only posiible man in my life, even now when he is happy with his new family (BTW dr W Harley seems to be the only one who is supporting me in this opinion thru these yrs).<p>Today is realy hard day cause is his birthday, my Ds will go to him, there will be the whole ILs, OW their baby son........................everyone except me.<p>Let me ask for advice: to send him SMS on the cell phone with greetings? (he did that in Dec on my birthday-2days before his wedding)<p>Love

Resilient,<p>I know you may not be familiar with me or my story, but I want you to know I have followed your sad saga closely and have always anticipated in hearing of your updates. I hesitate posting this becuz I admire your strength, your wise words, the way you seem to just communicate exactly what you feel, your sense of humor, To me you are well..a woman i hope to be like someday...soon. <p>I'm sorry to hear of your recent news. More sorry for your x. You see, I was the WW and if your x is anything like me, well our pain is neverending.<p>I had a wonderful wonderful x!! No reason, other than pure lust to tear his life apart and marry the OM! That is selfish to say, but it's true. He was giving, loving, affectionate, supportive, everything, yet I was still unsatisfied (i'm still trying to find a reason for that) The sad truth, is that there are no answers to ease his pain or bring sense to all that has happened to him other than selfishness. <p>I love him, still do! and the only thing that keeps me going is the fact that at one time in my life, I was loved so unconditonally by a great man! The woman who ends up with him is one lucky gal!<p>I, on the other hand live in guilt, remorse, regret and pain, that is constant. I never even wanted to make it work with him.. That fog will do it to you! He, on the other hand, probably lives with the peaceful fact that he gave everything, right until the very end, and probably still will to make our marriage work.<p>If there were no guilt, no regret, no consequences to deal with in divorcing my h, I would run like crazy back into his arms! <p>The fact, is I do love my now h, it's just not reciprocated.... as the old saying goes, The shoe is on the other foot, and now i'm the giver. <p>Just want you to know, again sorry for your pain.
One thing that has enabled me to come out of this half-sane, is my growing faith in God. He has always been there, checking up on me...his struggling princess. I was the stupid one, a princess, dressed in royalty, blessed beyond measure, with a good life...standing on the street corner. <p>Finally, God is letting what is within me, come out, and I have learned from my mistakes, becuz I do love my h, i have every intention on making this marriage work. You grow to love the other person especially, when you're tired and you've come too far to look back now. <p>Good luck to you and God Bless