So, what would be everyones take on something like this sent to your WS?<p>
Thinking of You!<p>
To: My Favorite Person
From: Your Secret Admirer <p>Was sitting here and thinking of you, figured I would let you know how much you mean to me. I hope you know how very special you are to me, even if I don't show it all the time. <p>Love,
Guess Who? -grin-

Or something like this.<p>
To: You<p> I saw this and I thought of you.
I'm not all that sure what you are.
I can't get rid of you.
And I kind of like it that way.
I think.<p>From: ME<p>
These were not sent by me. I know the second is from a guy WS has class with at the local college. And no, I do not know him. Just noticed that she has e-mailed him at least once. And this is the third one from him, to her.<p> So, I guess I just wanted someone to tell me if I am reading to much into these things. I have not said a word about them and probably won't. But it is painful to know that she is getting this kind of stuff from another. <p> Don't want to overreact.<p> jd

You are NOT overreacting!

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by jdmac1:
<strong>So,
So, I guess I just wanted someone to tell me if I am reading to much into these things. I have not said a word about them and probably won't. But it is painful to know that she is getting this kind of stuff from another. <p> Don't want to overreact.<p> jd</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I don't know if you are reading to much or not. But you are right you don't want to overreact. Bide your time. Sorry no great advice. Hang in there.

Be careful and wait a bit, does your W hknow you know,... bide time.. and think it over... you may want to keep this info to yourself so that you can keep cking on her communications...but you may want to start working on bettering your marriage... it could be harmless... well not really, but jsut the beginnings of something... so try to nip it in the bud... sorry if I do not know your current situation.... just my take on this post.<p>Good luck.

I'd like to add a bit to what I wrote before...<p>I've RECEIVED this type of note before... as did my ex-H, from "secret admirers" who were really OM/OW.<p>I think you have every RIGHT to be concerned, and no, you don't want to over-react, but to not react at all seems to me to be not quite right either. It's these simple beginnings that can too soon become full on affairs if not nipped in the bud.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> I think you have every RIGHT to be concerned, and no, you don't want to over-react,
but to not react at all seems to me to be not quite right either. It's these simple beginnings that can too soon become full on affairs if not nipped in the bud.<hr></blockquote><p> So, how do I nip this in the bud? Without LBing her to death? Or, without revealing that I have access to her email? Which, for her is a real LBer.<p>jd

I'm thinkin' [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] jd, I really am!<p>Okay... from my own experience, and what I wish my (now-ex)H had done at the time....<p>No, I don't think I would tell her you hacked into her email... at least not yet. <p>Can I ask a question? Does your W want you to "fight" for her? That's what I wanted from David, although I didn't really realize it then. It was all (my affair) a stupid cry for help... I just couldn't articulate it.

I don't really have any advise on what to do. I know I would be concerned. The only warning I have is that if you do tell her you know, and she finds out you have access to her e-mail, you will not be able to check on her anymore and she will be very angry. (My H was super ticked when he found out)

It is NOT ok, and a major red flag....I dunno jd about what to do, but I'd probably confront her, ask for explanantions (and commit to not being angry or judgemental)...I'd need names and circumstances or I'd leave...pretty much it.

Gawd! How tacky! I am rolling my eyes reading those notes...hello he is married! The fog is awful.

Well, I might have a slight problem if women were sending romantic messages like that to my H. I would be asking what the hell was going on and why they felt free to send my spouse romantic messages.

Hi, JD~<p>I received a "Secret Admirer" email a few weeks ago. I have ABSOLUTELY no IDEA who sent that email to me. I read it and then I deleted it. Then I promptly forgot about it.<p>I remembered it one day about a week or so later and I asked my husband if he sent it to me and he said, "No". So, like I said, I have no idea who sent it. I thought it may be some sort of scam or something. Maybe a company sent it so I would open it and then they could bug the crap out of me with ads.<p>Anyway....I don't know what to tell you as far as finding this in your wife's email. I would probably listen to the responses so far.<p>selket

Thanks Everyone,<p> Ok, I did ask W about this and she claimed no knowledge to ever having recieved any such messages. I asked to see her email account(very polite, very calm)She promptly went into a tirade about trusting her. Screaming at me, telling me what an awful person I am, etc. The whole WS script.<p> I remained calm, for the most part, and insisted she show me her email. Just prior to her logging in she told me she would never speak to me again when she proved there was nothing there.<p> She would not let me scroll through her inbox(which at first was ok by me because they were saved in a folder). I told her to go to her folders and let me look in there. She did and was quite shocked to realize she had saved the messages instead of deleting them. <p> She then said that the instructor had given the class the assignment of sending this stuff to each other [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] . Please!<p> At any rate, my daughter had walked in and I did not see her behind us. She had seen another email from this same man in my wifes inbox that I had not. Daughter told wife she saw this and if there was nothing to hide to let me see the new message.<p> HEHE...sorry so long.....<p> W would not go back and let me read the new one but promised to send it to me the next time she reads her mail. I think her plan is to see this guy tomorrow and have him send a new one asking something about class. Then she will send that one to me.<p> Of course we all know that I have already went back and read the new one. What did it say?<p> Subject:
what are you doin....<p> Date:
Sun, 24 Feb 2002 16:49:29 -0600<p>how u b? hows the ponies comin??? sorry bout the
other day...laters...<p>mark <p> I had just bought my wife two horses that she wanted very badly. I know this last message doesn't say much. But, to me, it shows at least some sort of relationship. And, "he's just a friend" ain't gonna cut it. And just what the hell is he sorry for?<p> New beginning<p> I honestly don't know if she wants me to fight for her. She has a hell of a way of showing it if she does. If she wants me to fight for her, when will it be enough for her? I have been at this for almost a year now. <p> SNL<p> Thanks. Really, I mean that. You have told me this before. I simply have been too hardheaded, or too weak to let go and move on, which ever you want to believe is ok by me. I feel a little of both actually.<p> Everyone<p> Thanks again. <p> jd<p>[ February 25, 2002: Message edited by: jdmac1 ]</p>

Well, W sent me the email but changed it to read;<p>"wondering if you got the assignment done..."
Mark<p> I gotta get the hell out of this mess. Why is that so hard to do?<p> jd

wow. she changed it? I'm sorry.... I know you feel stuck between a two very hard rocks. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I dunno what to tell you. You've been at this a long time, but not as long as some others [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] . <p>{{{{{{JD}}}}}}<p>I'll give you a hug... some others will be along to give you a good swooft kick in the pants....<p>A quote I saw today:
"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin <p>[ February 25, 2002: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

JD, I'd be blazing a trail. I'm sorry but even though you seem like a wonderful guy, she ain't a wonderful gal, in terms of faithfulness. Let us know what you decide.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by jdmac1:
<strong>And just what the hell is he sorry for?</strong><hr></blockquote><p>This is just an idea that crosses my mind after reading everything here... MY guess is that HE'S SORRY for getting her in trouble by sending personal notes to her at home that don't sound like class-related topics. MY guess is that she told him you read his e-mail notes and with the family all gathered around. MY guess is that she probably warned this dufus not to send personal notes unrelated to class subjects to that e-mail address and he did it anyway...<p>Try not to let it get to you. No, that sounds dumb, huh? This would tick me off too.<p>Wonder if you can log onto her e-mail when she's not around and tell the guy off! Maybe tell him, "Hey you scumbag this is Mr.jd, what the heck are you talking to my wife about here?"<p>I don't know. I wouldn't be able to keep my cool in a situation like this. Sometimes lovebusting is in order.<p>Please don't take my advice! I am not the one! Just wanted you to know I was reading and keeping up with your post... *sigh* [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

Faith1, H4F, BIN,<p> Thanks for your words of encouragement, advice. It means a great deal to me.<p> Ok, I had another conversation with wife this evening, albeit over the phone. I told her I knew what she had done, which she at first denied. When I told her exactly what the email really said she came clean. I asked why she lied, to which she only said she knew I would be upset if she had sent the real message.<p> I remained calm throughout the conversation. I told her that I didn't believe I could do this any longer. That I can never trust her when I continue to catch her in lies and she continues to hide things from me, ie OM #3s cell phone. Now here she is with yet another questionable man in her life. <p> I basically told her we needed to end this M. She then asked if we could give it another 4 months. If at the end of that time things had not improved we could go our seperate ways. I again told her I did not think I could try any longer. She asked if we could talk about it later, when neither of us was at work(which is where I was during this conversation). I agreed to that much.<p> I feel like I owe her another chance. Especially since this is the first real time she has been the one pushing for trying to recover our M. <p> And, she showed me last Saturday that she has some love for me buried somewhere within her. She surprised the dickens out of me by buying me a race horse....hehe. He is retired though, 10 years old. But he is a beauty.<p> Why does this little gesture mean anything to me??? Well, she only bought a pair of jeans and a shirt for my B-Day on the 9th of Feb. Then out of the blue she buys me an expensive horse???!!! <p> This woman confuses the hell out of me. Her actions torment me continually. I am likely setting myself up for more of the same, but I have to give it one last try, don't I? Stupid huh SNL?<p> What a sucker I must be....lol.<p> jd

It sounds as though that racehorse could be a guilt gift, unfortunately. Meant to assuage your WS's own guilt--but with the effect, if not the intention, of transferring her guilt to you. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

I hate to sound negative but I would wonder what's up with the 4-months? Is that how long it will take her to save up some money for another place in case you change your mind? What's the matter? She can't take it knowing that you are ready to quit fighting for her?<p>I just wonder why 4 more months? Does she have hidden money that you don't know about? I mean, how could she "surprise" you with that expensive horse? Just curious...<p>Still, in all, it sounds like things are going your way. You are in a good position to negotiate exactly what you want. I'm proud of you for holding your temper cuz it sounds like she is still VERY afraid of your temper, young man. You did good to stay calm. Attaboy! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]