You know, I had a bad enough day, earlier, before things got really horrible I thought I'd just go to that gloryb.com and see what goes on in OW/M's head. Just to see if maybe they feel bad or something. I don't know.<p>Evidently we, I, have offended them. The post we have going here wondering if anyone ever hurt OP, well we are being discussed. Me, the nice gal I am had to step in and say - hey kids, just a big fat vent, chill. They aren't interested. <p>I registered here in Sept 2000, and have been back round with a vengance lately cause times are tough. I think the people here are a wonderful support, and full of all kinds of ideas and experienced. This kind of stuff is so HS and bull sh. <p>I have made a point of going out of my way to answer posts from OW who wander over here, and now I am actually angry at the responses there. <p>I really try and be good. Vengance is mine says and all that stuff. But, you know, who do these people think they are. I understand that some don't know the guy is married - but once you find out. DUH. <p>GRRRRRRRR.<p>Elizabeth

I have been posting over at TOW, I have been getting kindness and understanding. A different view. I know there is some natural grudgery going on, but we all (both panels) have to understand that we are all humans with feelings. At one point or another we have all done something bad or sinned, and we are all accountable. Because bad judgement is used doesn't make someone a bad person. Just their actions. I hope I didn't offend anyone here. But sometimes I believe that we have a fog of our own, My H is in a fog, that is why he does this, the OP is in a fog, or is devious, but I found that I may have my own fog, my H chose to start this affair and to walk deeper in the fog...I think our fog is sometimes forgetting that. Please don't get angry, I just see so much pain on both sides.

The difference between the pain of the OP and BS is the OP CHOSE to get involved with a married person. So they have no one to blame but themselves for their pain. The BS pain on the other hand, had no choice in the matter. <p>The OP have to take responsibility for their actions and put the blame for their pain squarely where it belongs on their shoulders!

I don't know how you can go and read there. It breaks my heart to see such a degradation of humanity there. It's a celebration of evil and destruction incurred against innocent people. Such an absolute dearth of simple common decency and sanity. I don't even feel angry or mad at them, I feel so heartbroken that there are such horribly lost people in the world. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Faith-n-Hope:
<strong>But sometimes I believe that we have a fog of our own, My H is in a fog, that is why he does this, the OP is in a fog, or is devious, but I found that I may have my own fog, my H chose to start this affair and to walk deeper in the fog...I think our fog is sometimes forgetting that. </strong><hr></blockquote><p>I do not understand. BS's fog is forgetting that WS chose to start the affair and walk deeper into the fog? Is that what you are saying?<p>I see fog as a condition involving several of the following: self-delusion, ignoring reality, rewriting history, being totally self-centered at other people's expense, maniplating for personal gain, lying, and other nasty traits.<p>Thanks for the clarification.
Estes

MelodyLane-
I disagree with you. If it weren't for gloryb, I would still be in my affair. I was the OW, and gloryb helped me to get out of the affair.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Shannon1:
<strong>MelodyLane-
I disagree with you. If it weren't for gloryb, I would still be in my affair. I was the OW, and gloryb helped me to get out of the affair.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Shannon, that is good to hear that something good came out of something so bad, however, it doesn't change what I saw over there.

Hi Shannon! See we can agree from time to time! Sorry if my post pissed anyone off... But as moderator over there, I don't allow threads that incite violence or bathing someone in acid. I know folks are hurting on both boards, none of this is pleasant for either the OP or the BS, but this "fantasizing" or whatever about doing awful things to the OP, is misplaced. You shouldnt do it to the WS either, if you feel that way toward anyone, you should say kiss my [censored], and get on with your life, period. stop. Toss the plan a, b, stuff. <p>hugs, c<p>(jm2c)

I wonder why the resentment is aimed at the other person. Why don't we all take a good look at ourselves and the lying, cheating person we are married to before we make excuses for their behavior.<p>Plan A and B should include facing our true selves and the reality of our lives and our other halves and not focusing on the vindictive ways to hurt another. It is our other half who is the one to put the blame on and then ourselves.<p>You know, the one who betrayed us and who we so lovingly take back into our beds.<p>The reality of it all takes some time. When it is faced only then we will see them for what they are.<p>
My first and only post.

Oh Clarkie,<p>There you go again being hypocritical. Let me explain:<p>You said, "as moderator over there, I don't allow threads that incite violence or bathing someone in acid," but by posting this link, you are doing what you don't allow. YOU ARE posting a thread about violence.<p>Please excuse us for not taking marital advice from someone who has never receive legitimate therapy...considering you had an affair with a married therapist. <p>If you really want to expand your horizons, then do some research on the healing affects of dark humor.<p>You might also want to study the stages of grief. <p>I hope that one day you all open your eyes over there and stop hurting innocent people with your double standards and secret lives.<p>I hope that one day you all stop making excuses for what you have done. You were wrong to have an affair...it didn't just happen. You made a choice...a very bad choice. The pain that you all feel is self inflicted and for that I am sorry.<p>Kira

"..considering you had an affair with a married therapist." OK, I don't get this....if anyone does, please fill me in.<p>hugs, c

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I hope that one day you all stop making excuses for what you have done. You were wrong to have an affair...it didn't just happen. You made a choice...a very bad choice. The pain that you all feel is self inflicted and for that I am sorry. <hr></blockquote><p>This is true, I spoke with the latest new friend of my X this morning. OK, we are divorced. She knows this. She still took it upon herself to call me and let me know that their little fling began before it was decided the marriage was over. Or at least I hadn't been notified yet, and considering I was the one that initiated the divorce...<p>Evidently she wanted to let me know what I did wrong. I appreciate constructive criticisim, but know what ... it was mostly lies fed to her by you know who. I guess they seem to think I abandoned him in his hour of need. But, I'm confused. Wasn't I the wife that found out her husband was continuing an affair he promised had ended and then he had that bad accident. I was the one that stayed vigil till he was off life support. The doctors say that the only reason he walks now is because of the support I have given him. He was having seizures (partial complex not grand mal), I noticed, called the doc and arranged for a neurologist specializing in epilepsy to treat him. My family gave us a home to live in, his family called a few times. I drive him to appointments did pt at home with him a couple times a day. And still, she thinks I didn't stick by him. <p>Well you know what, I hope that all these people get what they deserve, and am not ashamed to admit it. <p>I have an 8 year old son who is in therapy 2x a week because he just is having a hard time understanding why daddy can't love all of us at the same time.<p>I have a little girl who will be 4 this Friday. She will never remember what it was like to live with her mom and dad and brother as a family. <p>I didn't do this. I had no part in this one. I took him back time after time, helped him get treatment and counseling, heald his hand and told him everything will be allright. <p>Yeah, I know he is an A#1 Jerk. I know he lies to these women. But come on, be realistic. Don't even try to tell me that these people don't know better. Don't sell yourselves short. You know just what you are doing when you get in bed with someone's wife or husband. And from what I have read on gloryb some of these people think it is funny and take no responsibility - someone there said why do they blame us, it is the husband's [censored] they should be kicking. I could go on for hours. I am hurt, I am betrayed, life as I knew it and had planned for it is over. <p>But you know what Chuckie, I just can't seem to instantly be able to tell him to kiss my [censored]. He was my husband, we have 2 young children, we made vows to each other in front of God, our church and friends and family. <p>I don't remember those vows saying until I think she naggs too much, or I hate the way she irons my shirts but will never tell her because I hate to hurt her feelings; instead I'll just go **** someone else. <p>I am not being pious, in fact I go to bed every night wondering -
WHAT IS SO BAD ABOUT ME? WHY CAN'T HE LOVE ME? WHAT DID I DO WRONG?<p>I needed him so much, he needs me still, how come I continue to take care of him? Why doesn't his girlfriend? She doesn't want to. <p>How can I explain to my children that I decided to stop taking care of their father so now he has to live in a nursing home? <p>This all sucks. I didn't choose this. She did. Each and every one of those women knew he was married.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by clarkie:
<strong>Hi Shannon! See we can agree from time to time! Sorry if my post pissed anyone off... But as moderator over there, I don't allow threads that incite violence or bathing someone in acid. I know folks are hurting on both boards, none of this is pleasant for either the OP or the BS, but this "fantasizing" or whatever about doing awful things to the OP, is misplaced. You shouldnt do it to the WS either, if you feel that way toward anyone, you should say kiss my [censored], and get on with your life, period. stop. Toss the plan a, b, stuff. <p>hugs, c<p>(jm2c)</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I beleive you were referring to my abominable fantasies that I contemplated for the OM and my xW after all the vile things they did not only to me but to my children as well.<p>Fortunately I belong to the vast majority of BS that beleive that violence against another human beign is wrong,wrong,wrong. I even mentioned that when I even think about them I have to go throw up.<p>But you've got to remember that there are people out there that are one traumatizing experience away from going off the deep end and actually carrying out equally horrible fantasies on the people that have hurt them. They are in the news on a daily basis.<p>Just as the BS would be responsable for violent actions committed against the WS and OP, the latter are also responsable for creating the environment where tragedies can occur. And encouraging WS and OP to continue with their betrayal is contributing to said environment.<p>Joe

OK, someone please clue me in. Where is this glory b site? Not sure I want to go there but I am sort of drawn to it like a bad car wreck.

LOL...don't bother trying to talk any sense. Somehow people here think it's OK to fantasize about hurting other people. I think it's totally sick to get off on the thought of causing physical harm to anyone. Even in wartime, violence happens (ideally) because it's necessary, not because of sick, deluded fantasies.<p>I have to say that this board seeme to be going downhill lately. What the hell do you think you people are accomplishing by coming here and wallowing in these sick revenge fantasies, or by debating whether to get physical and intimidating with your spouses? Is this helping to heal your relationship, or you? I don't think so...

Longing-
The gapers delay can be found at www.gloryb.com
I don't reccomend it. It will only confirm what you already know.
Elizabeth

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by TowardsTheFuture:
<strong>LOL...don't bother trying to talk any sense. Somehow people here think it's OK to fantasize about hurting other people. I think it's totally sick to get off on the thought of causing physical harm to anyone. ..</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Actually, it's not sick to fantasize and joke about doing harm to someone who has done great harm to you, it's very healthy. It's very healthy to release steam by fantasizing and joking about hurting someone who has helped destroy life as you know it. TO NOT have such thoughts about such a vile person would be very unhealthy.<p>What *IS* sick and evil, however, is to cause ACTUAL [not fantasies, not jokes] harm and destruction to one's family by having an affair with a married person.<p>I don't know about you, but I would much rather have someone tell jokes about me behind my back than have someone have an affair with my husband. But..........that is just silly ole me. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by clarkie:
<strong> I know folks are hurting on both boards, none of this is pleasant for either the OP or the BS, but this "fantasizing" or whatever about doing awful things to the OP, is misplaced. You shouldnt do it to the WS either, if you feel that way toward anyone, you should say kiss my [censored], and get on with your life, period. stop. Toss the plan a, b, stuff. <p>hugs, c<p>(jm2c)</strong><hr></blockquote><p> Oh please. This would be great in the magical fantasyland where we can all turn off our feelings. So what if the BS has had fantasies about doing bad things to the OP and so what if they vent about it here? We have every right. It's only human, especially with the way that MANY of us here have been treated by the OP. Fantasizing about doing those things was a great outlet for my feelings, without hurting anyone. It's an outlet. I never did a thing to her or said much of anything to her. However I heard from her "I kept praying you'd have a miscarriage - I wish you were dead - If I'm going down I'm taking you with me - I'm glad you are in so much pain - I could care less how you feel..." etc etc. Afew little fantasies on my part kept me from actually going over there and pounding her face in. And in the end I got the ultimate sweet revenge. A better marriage than I ever thought possible.

Ok folks....<p>I did not read every post on the thread being discussed. However, many of the people posting were saying that violence is not warranted. Yes we all have things going through our heads we must not act on them. Anytime anyone brings up violence here, IMHO we, as a group need to discourage it. Even as a vent thread. Perhaps we could move the ventor to a better frame of mind?<p>To me, the most interesting thing about threads like that is that it shows the depth of the pain, depression and psychosis that the BS suffers as a result of an affair. This might give a WS or OP a little more understanding into what the BS suffers. <p>I know for my part I’ve fought going off the deep end (not violence to another person) since d-day. Even now, while things are going well I have my very bad days. I was treated hideously in my previous marriage. His affairs were noise compared to his treatment of me. But to enter into a new marriage and find out what my H did threw me for a loop. For the first time in my life I have actually considered hurting myself. Why? Because I wanted the pain to go away and I had no way of doing that. I wanted to be in a marriage where I was loved and cherished, not disrespected and treated like a rag. It seems that in this lifetime I have no control over that. So why would I want to be here?<p>It is very easy for WS’s and OP’s to look down on the pain the BS feels. It’s easy for them to feel superior. The persons with more power in a situation always do.<p>I’d rather see people come here to vent this rage so that they can have people help them through it, then to have them stew over it in their lives and actually act on it.<p>As for the idea that the OP is in pain too: I could care less about the pain of the OP. Do you think that most OP give a hang about the pain of the BS? Hardly. The OP brought it upon themselves. They can get themselves over the pain all on their own.. .that’s what gloryb is for. <p>I really hate these threads where people from gloryb come here to tell us how superior and all loving they are. If they were superior then they would not be involved in affairs to start with. If they were all loving they would never be involved in hurting another human the way they have.<p>So what’s worse? Being in an affair? Or blowing off some steam so that a person can prevent themselves from acting it out in their real lives?<p>[ March 05, 2002: Message edited by: zorweb ]</p>

So two wrongs make a right? Ummm....nope!<p>Most people who have affairs aren't out to hurt anyone...they're trying to fill the gaping hole in their life, although the way in which they are trying to do so is wrong and misguided. That's a good bit different from wanting to dissolve someone in acid or beat them.<p>Think about what you people are trying to accomplish, and how your actions and thoughts are helping to meet that goal...or detracting from it. This place will look like a Jerry Springer episode before too long...and it's a shame, too. There are too many other "poor me" affair sites out there as it is that don't accomplish a damn thing.