Dara,<p>I just read you post ... I posted to Faith N Hope a while ago just right before she left MB, trying to reach her. I don't take her personally but I could understand your feeling. The way I take it is that she is very confused BS, will take anything and grasping for answer.<p>We just have to move on ... there are many others that need help badly.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by redhat:
<strong>Dara,<p>I just read you post ... I posted to Faith N Hope a while ago just right before she left MB, trying to reach her. I don't take her personally but I could understand your feeling. The way I take it is that she is very confused BS, will take anything and grasping for answer.<p>We just have to move on ... there are many others that need help badly.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Yeah I suppose.<p>And thank you for understanding. I really kinda knew I'd get 'flamed' for that post, and I really appreciate your support.<p>I took it personally because her situation is so like mine. I wanted her to win. I had faith in her, as I have faith in myself. I suppose my mistake was projecting myself on her. I never knew she formally left MB, but she told me only 3 days ago she didnt like how we had changed. More recipes and polls than anything she said.<p>Now I know why, she didnt like how we have been standing firm against gloryB trolls.<p>Anywho, I think I will go to bed with my beloved, and save the number search for the AM.<p>Thanks for the chitchat! And thank Zorweb as well. But, I do think I need to know this. I want just a touch of disclosure, ya know? BTW, Redhat, you are a man of great propensity to actually meet the OM with a level head. <p>You are, and always will be, the better man. I'm sure those around you, including your little one's know this. Do you have custody? Take Care, and goodnight my friends.<p>Warmly,
Dara<p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Dara,<p>Nite nite .. thanks for the encouragement. I take care of my 2 D as a single dad, no custody.

zorweb....So I sit here staring at the screen. It’s a lot easier running some one else’s life instead of your own isn’t it?<p>snl....amen, lol. I sometimes wonder if those of us wont to give advice till the cows come home, don't get some kind of deep vicarious benefit out of other people's improvement (hopefully their lot improves)....how about it jl?<p>The general truth re human behaviour, is that none of us (not a one) does anything that we do not perceive as benefit in some way..... selfish is the defining characteristic of being human (and not selfish as often meant, but the drive to survive, which is the real meaning of self).

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>The general truth re human behaviour, is that none of us (not a one) does anything that we do not perceive as benefit in some way..... selfish is the defining characteristic of being human (and not selfish as often meant, but the drive to survive, which is the real meaning of self).</strong><hr></blockquote>
SNL ... let me ask you questions w/ T or F answers only, you did answer #1 already (F).<p>#1: People are basically good
#2: You need more self-esteem and self-worth
#3: You can't love others until you love yourself
#4: You souldn't judge anyone
#5: All guilt is bad
#6: You need to think positively
#7: Staying in love is the key to great relationship
#8: You have unlimited power and potential
#9: Your happiness is the most important thing
#10: God or god can be anything you want Him or him to be.<p>
Thanks ... RH

Man... I musta just went to bed when you posted this Rusty...<p>I am on Pacific time... so was still kinda early... almost didn't visit... I've been spending more time w/ H and kids... BUT this is the THIRD night of March Madness and I am going MAD...<p>(College Basketball tourny for those of you not into sports).<p>Hugs and good morning to all.<p>Cali

Morning Cali ... Bay area sky is cloudy and gloomy and a bit of rain. Care to join to answer top 10 lists ?. I try to pick SNL's brain ... but anyone welcome too ...

redhat, you made my day, I love tests....just for the record let's both agree limiting such questions to t/f is VERY controlling, but I'll play anyways.<p>SNL ... let me ask you questions w/ T or F answers only, you did answer #1 already (F).
#1: People are basically good<p>F<p>#2: You need more self-esteem and self-worth<p>(me, or general you, assume later) T<p>#3: You can't love others until you love yourself<p>Absolutely T<p>#4: You souldn't judge anyone<p>T (never never go there....well unless you are on a jury, and need to make an interactive decision re said individual).<p>#5: All guilt is bad<p>F<p>#6: You need to think positively<p>(again me, or in general, assume later) T<p>#7: Staying in love is the key to great relationship<p>F<p>#8: You have unlimited power and potential<p>F<p>#9: Your happiness is the most important thing<p>T (but you really need to let me explain)<p>#10: God or god can be anything you want Him or him to be.<p>FALSE FALSE FALSE FALSE

morning redhat... Sunny but a bit chilly down here in the Inland Empire... chance of rain later...<p>1 True: People are basically good
2 True: You need more self-esteem and self-worth
3 True: You can't love others until you love yourself
4 True: You shouldn't judge anyone
5 False: All guilt is bad
6 True: You need to think positively
7 False: Staying in love is the key to great relationship
8 ??? Unknown power and potential... not sure about limits... You have unlimited power and potential
9 False... Following God's Will is MOST IMPORTANT... Your happiness is the most important thing
10 False... God or god can be anything you want Him or her to be.<p>Cali

All,
I missed one clarification that this principals we do it for our own self help.<p>Cali ... sorry, SNL have better score than you are. Some of T's I know could be F for SNL since I put very short descriptions. You might change your answer after reading some more.<p>SNL ... I know you like it, specially w/ a bit of brain twister. Also I limit it to T/F to get it going then we could pick one at the time ... each of those could be a looong tread by itself ... I am not surprise that you pick #3. I am expecting you too [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] . If you don't mind you could start a new thread on this one and get jeffers and others to jump in on #3.<p>ALL False none of them true ... this are psycobable of the 20th centuries and still going on. Here is the recap why ...<p>#1: People are basically good
People are basically flawed, beleiving otherwise excuses wrongdoing by blaming it on sickness or circumstances. In A ... it not my fault, I am good and you drive me to it. SNL nailed it to with his reply to Z from diff. angle.<p>#2: You need more self-esteem and self-worth
We foolishly judge our own worth based on the world's standards of attractiveness, intelligence, and wealth.<p>#3: You can't love others until you love yourself
We naturally love ourselves and can love others regardless of how we may feel at the moment.<p>#4: You shouldn't judge anyone
Telling us that moral judgements are wrong ... is making a moral judgement. Jury or Judge had a law as a guideline. If you are a christian and live by the truth ... you have to judge by the words or Bible as a guideline for yourself and only speak the truth to other fellow christians.<p>#5: All guilt is bad
Do we want Charles Manson saying this to himself ?. Aren't people who never feel guilt over their actions fererred to as sociopaths ?.<p>#6: You need to think positively
The danger in her is thinking positively about things that are actually negative is inappropriate and destructive to our emotional health. The danger of self-talk.<p>#7: Staying in love is the key to great relationship
Instead of seeing M as lifelong monogamous commitment, we replace partnes like a burned-ot light bulbs.<p>#8: You have unlimited power and potential
Personal expectations that don't reflect reality indicate we do not understand what it is to be finite human being.<p>#9: Your happiness is the most important thing
We have develop a happiness obsession ... promotes selfishness at all cost (A).<p>#10: God or god can be anything you want Him or him to be.
We don't need to argue this one.<p>
Does it help ?. I will reveal the source later ...

Ok, NOW I get to give my reasons, you can "judge" for yourself whether they deviate from the guidelines you referenced<p>rh...ALL False none of them true ... this are psycobable of the 20th centuries and still going on. Here is the recap why ...<p>snl...Ok, so we are having a reality thread here, cool, that is where I am usually coming from.<p>#1: People are basically good
People are basically flawed, beleiving otherwise excuses wrongdoing by blaming it on sickness or circumstances. In A ... it not my fault, I am good and you drive me to it. SNL nailed it to with his reply to Z from diff. angle.<p>snl...I did respond pragmatically, cause good is a made up concept, and even God says we aren't good.<p>#2: You need more self-esteem and self-worth
We foolishly judge our own worth based on the world's standards of attractiveness, intelligence, and wealth.<p>ok, I agree, but I didn't read it that way, I was more into um...realizing you yourself are important and valuable person, and worthy.<p>#3: You can't love others until you love yourself
We naturally love ourselves and can love others regardless of how we may feel at the moment.<p>snl...Ah yes, lots of disagreement here, but first one would have to define love, IMO most of the love I see expressed is dependentcy/possession, I suspect my def of love (if love actually exists at all) differs markedly from most, I define it in terms of psychological health...not intent, or desire, or quid pro quo.<p>#4: You shouldn't judge anyone
Telling us that moral judgements are wrong ... is making a moral judgement. Jury or Judge had a law as a guideline. If you are a christian and live by the truth ... you have to judge by the words or Bible as a guideline for yourself and only speak the truth to other fellow christians.<p>snl...Kind of a no-brainer if one graduates from what is life 101.<p>#5: All guilt is bad
Do we want Charles Manson saying this to himself ?. Aren't people who never feel guilt over their actions fererred to as sociopaths ?.<p>snl..yep, it is what you do with the guilt I think where we get into trouble, also the ever popular trying to make someone else feel guilt is an issue.<p>#6: You need to think positively
The danger in her is thinking positively about things that are actually negative is inappropriate and destructive to our emotional health. The danger of self-talk.<p>snl...wording again. I define thinking positively as realistic and rational, the authors had something else in mind.<p>#7: Staying in love is the key to great relationship
Instead of seeing M as lifelong monogamous commitment, we replace partnes like a burned-ot light bulbs.<p>snl...Fitting is the key to a great relationship, the rest of it follows [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] you gotta have the right ingredients to start with.<p>#8: You have unlimited power and potential
Personal expectations that don't reflect reality indicate we do not understand what it is to be finite human being.<p>snl...Yeah, I always wondered about this myself. I think we have pushed the envelope to far on you can be whatever you wanna be. I really wanted to fly like superman, and jumped off a building trying, not a good idea. I think it is far more healthy too, to assess your weaknesses and stengths and make decisions accordingly. However, there is much to be said for determination, and avoiding defeatist, negative, victim, woe is me, self-talk too....balance, it always comes back to balance.<p>#9: Your happiness is the most important thing
We have develop a happiness obsession ... promotes selfishness at all cost (A).<p>snl...I knew I would have to explain this. One should not pursue happiness, or ideals of happiness....but the feedback we get from our emotions that we call happy, sad, and such reveals how close we are to living our internal paradigms, and if we feel unhappy we need to deal with stuff, so in that sense happiness is the most important thing, it is the barometer of our emotional/psychological well-being. Happiness is NOT a 4-letter word. And denying a need or desire to be happy leads us to making incredibly bad choices in life.<p>#10: God or god can be anything you want Him or him to be.
We don't need to argue this one.

Did someone say my name? I was going to jump in to take the quiz anyway, and now I can't resist.<p>1: T People are basically good.
2: T You need more self-esteem and self-worth (I assume the general form of this statement like SnL)
3:???? F ??? You can't love others until you love yourself. I don't think others can love you until you love yourself.
4: T You shouldn't judge -> Judgement implies resposibility to punish, IMHO.
5: F All guilt is bad
6: T You need to think positively.
7: T Staying in love is the key to a great relationship. I agree with the Harley's here.
8: F You have unlimited power and potential. This is where I'm in so much trouble... "A man's got to recognize his limitations..."
9: ??? Your happiness is the most important thing. I'm still trying to figure out just what is important!
10: F God can be anything you want him to be. Our job is to find him, not define him.<p>Jeffers

Since the two peoples that I want to give this one to already gave their answers ... The source is Self-Help or Self-Destructions ? : Ten pop psychology myths that could destroy your life by Dr. Chris Thurman, a Christian . It explors each of those ten and break the myths ... SNL is correct in answering need more definition or contects about some of the wording and I am trying to keep it simple and short .... Jeffers, I could send the book to your office if you want it. I think I still have your name card. SNL, you could email me where the book should go ... I am just finishing chapter 3 when I remember about you. Any interest ? ...<p>I have to go to vision care to get my glasses, I will post more tonight.

I really did answer without looking at the key. [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I failed!!!<p>It is clear, though, that the authors made their questions very terse to produce a desired answer that they could refute.<p>Let me reconsider my "trues".<p>1. People are BASICALLY good.<p>I still think that is true. I will claim that the statement "People are flawless" is FALSE and agree with the test creators. However, that is not the question that was asked.<p>I was eating some pitted olives for Thanksgiving a few years ago and bit into one that still had the pit in it. Almost broke my jaw. A flawed, pitted olive. The rest were great, the one with the pit was still tasty, once I extracted the pit. So... the olives were basically good.... even with flaws.<p>
2. You need more self-esteem and self-worth.<p>Self-esteem helps us stand up to the world, so-to-speak. The question didn't specify how we obtained "our" self-esteem.<p>Still like true here, as well.<p>
4. You shouldn't judge anyone.<p>I guess I don't mind judging myself. <p>
6. You need to think positively.<p> "you need to think negatively" is just as bad. <p>"You need to think appropriately" is probably what we should do. In ambiguous circumstances, where one can choose to be "half empty" or "half full" I'll choose the positive every time. <p>Again, a terse question to produce a desired answer.<p>7. Staying in love is the key to a great relationship.<p>I thought this was a question about quality (great). Love surely matters in that regard. The Harley's tell us how to increase our love to make our relationships as great as possible. <p>Again, the question was not at all about "leaving" the relationship.<p>
9. Your happiness is the most important thing.<p>I don't know how important it is.<p>I'm also not sure I would agree that happiness has to be selfish. A "giver" is happy when they give to someone else. World peace, a sunny day... all these can lead to happiness. Are they selfish???<p>
I guess I did see the key before giving my answers but I didn't notice until I went back.<p>Jeffers