Thanks for posting that, Cali. It sounds a lot better. I can actually understand what Page is saying now! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] My comments:<p>
Communication and negotiation don't solve conflicts in love relationships, Page asserts.<p>This is the kind of all-or-nothing statement it's better to avoid. Communication and negotiation
do solve conflicts in love relationships. It's simply that they won't solve them all, and when they don't work, some other approach can be more effective. I'll certainly go that far with her. It's also fair to say that most couples have a few issues they never do resolve, but if the relationship is generally good they can step around those issues and not let them wreck the partnership.<p>
Rather, make an inner shift yourself--independent of your partner--and learn to "love openly and freely." Her process involves "the Five Sacred Acts of Love":<p>Practice Restraint: refrain from negative, critical, and demanding comments.<p>This is pure Harley, as H4F pointed out. And it's a conscious choice of the mind. If people followed what their "body" or their "feelings" made them want to do all the time, they'd be LBing like crazy.<p>
Act As If: act loving, even if you don't feel like it.<p>This is similar. I forget whether Harley says anything about it, but I'm sure Michele does. It's not so much a matter of smiling making oneself feel better; it's more about the interactive effect. When two people "act as if" they like one another, that tends to make them like one another in reality. This is also a good example of where all this "body" stuff seems misleading. If we find a frown on our face, is our body imparting "inner wisdom" to us? No, it's only telling us we're unhappy! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] If we use the mind's wisdom to control the body and try sticking a smile on our face instead, maybe something good will happen. Or if we're all defensive, folding our arms and shutting someone out, we can use the mind to relax the body, unfold our arms and see if that doesn't make us feel more open and receptive.<p>
Act on Your Own: take care of your own needs.<p>That's sound advice, when acting helpless and expecting a partner to take care of those needs only causes resentment when they don't.<p>
Practice Acceptance: stop trying to change your partner.<p>That can be useful advice too, even if "choose your battles wisely" may be a more general strategy. For partners with addictions and the like it's essential advice, naturally.<p>
Cultivate Compassion: understand that your partner's attitudes and behavior are the way they are for good reasons.<p>I think this is an excellent point. Again, to me this is a function of the mind: to understand why somebody behaves a particular way, and to find alternative and more positive interpretations of what they're doing. "Not thinking" on the other hand is what leaves people to make negative assumptions and react to a partner's behavior in knee-jerk fashion.<p>With all the spiritual abracadabra stripped away, Page's advice makes a lot clearer sense. When there are spirits lurking around, who ya gonna call?
Ghostbusters! Take care! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ March 19, 2002: Message edited by: Eddystone ]</p>
