I guess it probably CAN be done, but it's much harder that way. My H's affair was with my former best friend who worked for him. As you know, we always dress/look our best at work, are sweeter than we usually are at home, etc. Coworkers noticed her wearing more make-up, nicer clothes, different hairstyles, etc. <p>The counselor finally convinced my H that his marriage had NO chance if he worked with her. So he actually found her another job which I do think saved us. We were separated for 9 mos and have been in and out of counseling for 6 years. Yes, it's worth it and yes, it's hard work!

In my case OW was a single coworker who had been chasing after H the entire two years since he was promoted to where we now live. She befriended me to throw me off track even- had my kids over to bake cookies saying I could have the afternoon to myself,underlined to questions in the drivers manual for me and other favors so I wouldnt even think she was after my H. When I found out about H's A it was very well entrenched and even after he kept trying to break it off with her, he would see her everyday at work and he was too caught up emotionally to stop it for good. Even after she took a job transfer he STILL lied to me about contacting her and that went on for several months and I was totally devastated. I tried Plan A for a month but it had little effect. Even Plan B seemed to light a spark between them because she convinced him I was to blame for all our marriage problems and that I had kicked him out so she gave him the key to her condo that she had listed for sale and came back on wkends to sleep with him. All the while he was coming home most nights for the dinner I had made and to see our kids- while telling me he wanted a divorce and refused counseling!! If I had it to do over I would have done a stricter Plan B so that his affair would have ended sooner. As it was it only ended after OW convinced him to file for D on me and he did- THAT finally snapped him out of his fog!Have you read the book Love Must be Tough by James Dobson? It could help you alot as will Harley's excellent guidebook Surviving an Affair. lifeismessy