<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by weezy:
<strong><p>Yes, it would. But I see all the confusion I'm creating with my H. I'm going through all of the motions described on this site at home--withdrawing from him, angry that I can't be with my OM, not even wanting my H to touch me. All I can think of right now is the next time I'll see my OM. But I do feel guilty and I realize that the emotional turmoil I'm inflicting on my H and myself is not worth the E/P affair. <p>Maybe it's best if I cut off my OM first, and then discuss with my H? I don't know. By the way, my OM is single and doesn't know my H.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>My withdrawl is exactly as yours is. I have all the same symptoms as you do. I am worried that I will never want my H to touch me again and that I will never feel for my H as I do for my om. I think about him constantly. I admire you for trying to change something so powerful to try and make your marriage work.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Conqueror:
<strong>SNL,<p>You know I agree with everything you say and your assessment of this thread and the waste of time it is getting through to people who have no conscience.
Excuse me but you are wrong. I do have a conscience. You make sweeping judgements and you are so wrong. Do you mean to tell me that the people with consciences are only the ones who buy into what you are selling. I am analyzing the advice here about telling my spouse after my A has ended. It is ridiculous to think that just because people here say it, Dr Harley advises it, that I'm (and many others who are not sure this is the best thing for them/their marriage/kids, etc) lacking a conscious because I don't just dive right into your advice! It may be right, it may be wrong, but on a personal level it is for the individual to decide based on their circumstances. Don't presume that if I don't take your advice I lack a conscious because I know my life what I've been through and what I've given up for the sake of others happiness despite my own so be careful about your accusations and judgements.<p>However, I believe the thread still has value and what makes me tenacious is that I know there are people reading this thread like weezy who DO have a conscience and want to do the right thing for themselves and their loved ones. I do it for them. We all know how difficult it is when you are confused and trying to find your way, and I don't want the words of the conscienceless to stand alone without challenge.<p>There are those who are like we were, sincerely looking for answers and a way out of the mire. How sad it would be if they only saw an exchange between MM and OnlyHuman.<p>Plus, like I said, they have single-handedly made deposits in MY H's account in my LB$ by providing a contrast that makes him look like a knight in shining armor in comparison! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] Maybe it will help others like me to see their cups as half-full rather than half-empty because what a graphic illustration this thread is of "it could be worse".<p>Weezy,<p>It's normal to be frightened. Believe me, we've all felt that icy fist of fear squeezing the life out of our hearts. But please do not think you in any way need to "leave this world". You have made some regrettable choices, but you yourself are not irredeemable. You are a soul of infinite value. Why else is there this agonizing battle for your soul? You matter. You will find valuable friends here who have walked in your shoes and can hold your hand and give you the courage to do what you want and need to do.<p>While I have not been a WS, all of us BS have paralyzing fear as well. What I did and what may be helpful to you is when I realized I was in totally unfamiliar territory (dealing with infidelity), I did what you are doing. I looked for help, and I found it here. When I couldn't see which way to go or what to do, I asked. When I couldn't trust my H, I trusted my MB friends farther down the road than I was. Sometimes you have to step out in faith without knowing whether there's going to be solid ground underneath you.<p>If you're like most of us, you will find a strength you didn't know you had. You will discover that you can CREATE that solid ground you need to stand on. You will get through it. You will grow. And then you'll be able to help someone else someday. Your life has value.<p>Badger,<p>I guess we could call yours the voice of experience SQUARED!!!!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] Wow, what a story. Too bad you had to live it instead of read it, huh? [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] But definitely better to find MB late rather than never. I hope you and your W have success in rebuilding your M. It's a hard road, but now at least you're on it.<p>[ March 29, 2002: Message edited by: Conqueror ]</strong><hr></blockquote>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by maggierose:
<strong>The following are direct quotes from Torn Asunder by Dave Carder:<p>"Once the infidel and partner reveal their mutual attraction, I've found that the development of the sexual aspect to the relationship is ajust a matter of time."<p>"Even though intercourse might not occur in the affair, every touch and glance can be highly charged with emotion. Highly erotic feelings can be exchanged in mere eye contact and nonsexual touch-even in a handshake. It is exactly those feelings that make affairs so special."<p>"Most spouSes, upon disclosure of the affair, desperatley want to know, "Did sex occur?" The issue of intercourse is aLmost irrelevant, however, when it comes to gauging the level of emotional involvement. It's the emotional involvement that the infidel must recover from in a Class II affair. SEX USUALLY DOES BECOME A PART OF THIS EMOTIONAL INVOLVEMENT SIMPLY BECAUSE IT BECOMES TOO DIFFICULT FOR COUPLES TO NOT CONSUMMATE THEIR INTENSE FEELINGS OF ATTACHMENT."</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Right on.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by CMiranda:<p>Right on.<hr></blockquote><p>Right on???? "Right on" in what respect, CMiranda?<p>Is that statement from Torn Asunder validating you or feeding your fantasy regarding MM?<p>I'm confused? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ April 01, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Resilient:
<strong><p>Right on???? "Right on" in what respect, CMiranda?<p>Is that statement from Torn Asunder validating you or feeding your fantasy regarding MM?<p>I'm confused? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>[ April 01, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</strong><hr></blockquote><p>It is all true. From the beginning 6 years ago and all through the A, what kept us in it and my biggest fear over telling my spouse. If it were me, I'd be extremely focused on the physical relationship my H had with the op. I can understand that and don't know how I'd ever explain to someone who wasn't in it that its the emotional bond that is what has/had me so hooked. In our case, sex was not what our A was all about. It was just a bi-product of our feelings and part of the relationship. Idon't know if that makes any sense. But that quote hit me on the mark.