Maybe with a bit more information Gma and Gpa COULD have been happy. Honestly, I pictured my future to be just as you described them...that's why I LEFT...but we got the information, made some changes...and will continue to make more...and I don't think that will be us. We fully plan to be one of those happy ornery couples that are fun to watch.<p>Lor, I feel for his wife too. She's got to be feeling some major pain. And whether it's true or not, to read that his family is "over" her too?!?! YUCK!!!!!!!!

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Lor (Lor):
I also keep thinking about Julia's MM's wife...can you imagine, "well, the OW was Julia Roberts". I wonder how the W's self-esteem is...like, the only woman the H could find better was rich, famous, gorgeous...or oh my God...I'm nothing like that....<hr></blockquote><p>I agree, Lor.<p>She must be beside herself. As it is, the A is so devistating, to know it's JR would make it 100 times more awful. <p>Then again, if she's an enlightened soul, she may have figured out that JR's track record isn't so good, and if she just Plan A's and waits it out, it will blow up in their face. <p>Who knows, maybe one of us is the W of JR's MM and she's doing Plan A as we type.<p>Jo<p>[ March 25, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

The other thing that sucks about having someone famous be a part of your life is that suddenly it seems like they're EVERYWHERE!!!<p>My best friend dated a very famous man. HE was a wonderful man (who was rebounding at the time). Well the xGF telephone stalked my friend and made her life a living hell. The guy refused to confront the xGF so my friend dumped him.<p>She was sad and hurting. She loved him, but he's a wimp. Its made 1000X by the fact that he had a moving coming out at the time, so EVERYWHERE she turned there he was. On buses, tv, movie trailers, in the subway. WHAT A NIGHTMARE!!!!<p>THEN he married the stalker. It was a big Hollywood affair, more coverage! I honestly thought she'd go crazy.<p>I don't envy JR's MM's W for obvious reasons. But imagine your OW being EVERYWHERE. NOT PRETTY!!!!

I have to question why it would be worse that it was Julia Roberts? Because of the publicity? Because from where I sit I would have an easier time seeing a reason behind my spouse falling for someone like that....I could see that it was based on fantasy and lust..add into that Julias past relationship failures...and I could understand that better than I could having a spouse fall for someone LESS.... Someone without a job, or who's a real loser. I'm not saying it would hurt less, but I think I could mentally come to an understanding of it better.<p>I don't think our "stars" are much different than anyone else. They're people who have no skills with relationships, just like most everyone else we know...only we get to hear about all their dirty doings because they have people stalking them all the time. It'd be nice if they'd be better role models...but then it'd be REALLY nice if our parents would have been too.

My therapist described our generation (mid-30's to mid-40's) as "the throwaway generation". Isn't that the truth [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] ! People give up their marriages way too soon, often w/o trying very hard. We don't have to be stars in Hollywood to follow that pattern, but seeing it so much among the "glamorous" people makes it seem so acceptable and even the thing to do.

I am new to posting but I have been reading since my cousin sent me information from here. I've read everything and I think the Harley's are beyond awesome. Finally someone who avidly believes a marriage can be saved!
Now my gripe. Why do y'all waste valuable time and energy worrying about what Julia Roberts does and who's who in the Hollywood cheating field? Personally I couldn't care less what they do. I am worried about my husband, myself and our family.
Just for the record I am the betrayed wife and my husband was in an emotional affair with someone he worked with. I'm not here to flame or inflame. I just do not see the good in a post that accuses and possibly slanders people that we don't even know. Not all cheaters are blatant and not all seemingly innocent people are really innocent. They just know how to hide it well.
Thanks for listening.

Confused One,<p>Welcome to Marriage Builders. I hope that we can give you some helpful ideas/insight into your marriage.<p>I think that we are kind of a group of friends here, and sometimes we tend to chat. We have a thread going about where people are from, a favorite movie thread, and I daily serenade everyone. If we kept things all business here it wouldn't give us the same insight into each other as friends, and it is nice to talk to people we know through this forum about things other than the tough stuff in our life. Think of this thread as a coffee break.<p>I just do not see the good in a post that accuses and possibly slanders people that we don't even know. Not all cheaters are blatant and not all seemingly innocent people are really innocent. They just know how to hide it well.<p>Again, just us gals, and some of the fellas hanging out and chatting by the water cooler.<p>Thanks for listening. <p>No problem. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] That's what friends are for.<p>Try posting your story here sometime, we would love to have the chance to help in any way we could.<p>Elizabeth

And one quickie, Mom was an English major, and I was pre law at WIU - I always remember the difference between slander and libel as S = S.<p>Slander = Spoken<p>Libel is written.<p>Slander -
1. A false tale or report maliciously uttered, tending to injure the reputation of another; the malicious utterance of defamatory reports; the dissemination of malicious tales or suggestions to the injury of another. <p>I don't think our intention was malicious. I think we just gossip like old hens. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>
Libel-
(Law) A malicious publication expressed either in print or in writing, or by pictures, effigies, or other signs, tending to expose another to public hatred, contempt, or ridicule. Such publication is indictable at common law. <p>Just me trying to make the world perfect once again. Anyone seen my zoloft?<p>[ March 26, 2002: Message edited by: justthewife ]</p>

Well, for one the thread was on topic. We are here to talk about infidelity...to get a better understanding of how it happens and where things went wrong, and hopefully how to prevent it in the future. Wouldn't it be nice if we could teach our children so they wouldn't have to feel this kind of pain?<p>For the other thing...if this topic is such a waste of space and of no value...why are you reading it? I think it's a very interesting subject...infidelity and how the media accepts it. If you've got something more important to talk about, feel free to start your own thread and by all means, don't bother reading this one.<p>Like you, I'm not meaning to offend. I don't take well to being "scolded" by another adult, or told what it is I should or shouldn't be talking about....especially when what's being said is ON TOPIC!<p>Welcome to MB and I hope you find something more of use here (and something more to offer). [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by hope4future:
<strong><p>For the other thing...if this topic is such a waste of space and of no value...why are you reading it? I think it's a very interesting subject...infidelity and how the media accepts it. </strong><hr></blockquote><p> And that was my whpole reason for bringing it up in the first place. The media acceptance of affairs as a legitmate and "okay" type of relationship.

you know I think you're right FD. It's also true that a lot of people don't see EMA's as that big a deal. I didn't. I saw it (for the most part) as the best way to get my needs met.<p>In time MM was seen as "just another one of KS's boyfriends." There was the rich guy, the guy from work, the married guy, the tall guy, etc.<p>An orthadox jewish friend expressed her reservations (rather passionately) about my relationship and she got jumped on by my other friends. At the time I didn't think much about it. That interaction give me great pause these days though. Things that make you go hmmmmmmm.

Well, it's not only that it's accepted and now it seems almost heralded by the media...there is so much that is left out! You see that "X cheated on Y, they broke up...all moved on...eventually X gets left again...serves him right the cheating dog". What you don't get a feel for is the depth of pain that infidelity brings to every party...the cheating spouse, the betrayed spouse, the other person, the children the family and friends! It's a HUUUUUUUUUUUGE deal and it's hardly touched upon at all. It's no wonder that foreign countries think very little of us from the idea they get of us from TV shows and movies we've sent over.<p>It occured to me last night that Julia Roberts starred in a movie about infidelity!!!!!!! Where SHE was the betrayed spouse!!! I had forgotten that. Evidently she's a very good actress...because she played the part perfectly yet didn't seem to catch a bit of the meaning. Bummer. She might have gotten a sense of what her new lovers wife is going through.

Hope, I also think that it depends on what you come from to. I have a girlfriend who dated a guy for like 4-5 years. He was a jerk, but she thought he was wonderful. When she discovered that he had cheated on her with not one but 3 women (all at the same time) she was completely beside herself. His parents had helped him cover it up, it was a BIG mess!!!<p>I felt bad for her. I listened to her and was a good friend to her but honestly I wasn't such a big deal (to me). I was sad that my friend was sad, but it wasn't like "oh the injustice!!!!" You know.<p>It's like I live in NYC. If someone gets mugged you're like "bummer." That's kind of how I feel about infidelity. No question it sucks to be cheated on. No question it's unfair, hurtful and all that jazz, but it's not like i'm running around crying "oh the inhumanity!!!"<p>This is a HUGE over simplification, but I hope i'm making myself clear (and not being mocking). And maybe this speaks to my life experience more than anything. Who knows.<p>The girlfriend mentioned above is now married and has a 3 month old baby. She says of her H "Sam will never cheat." I just look at her like "O-K". I honestly hope that he doesn't. BUt I think it's arrogant and foolish to assume such. But she comes from a home where mom's whole life is dad. Neither have ever cheated.

Why is it worse if the OW is Julia Rogers?<p>I wasn't one who said that, because it isn't worse, other than some couples never reveal that they've dealt with infidelity, even to close friends and family...that option for privacy is blown away.<p>There was a thread on recovery a couple months ago about OP, if it was better or worse if the OP was "trading up"--compared to the spouse, better looking or more physically fit or educated or better employed or more wealthy VS OP as skank "Why on earth would anyone, especially my spouse be attracted to THAT."<p>I doubt it matters who it is...there is no comfort zone of "oh, I'm glad my spouse is cheating with her/him". However, if it is a friend...it doubles the betrayal.<p>And, we aren't wasting time here on this thread, sometimes a thread like this gives lurkers the opportunity & confidence to post without advising.
How else can we get to 3000+ yapping posts [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] , like me, just for instance...

I think that this just shows that movie stars and public personalities are every bit just as human as you or I or our wayward ones, no better, no worse. Just plain old human beings that screw up in thier lives just as we do.<p>btw...I enjoy these posts that are a diversion from the norm...it's nice to think about something else even if for just a brief moment..although this one happened to be about ugh..infidelity<p>Peace and happy Tuesday!

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Lor (Lor):
<strong>Why is it worse if the OW is Julia Rogers?<p>I wasn't one who said that, because it isn't worse, other than some couples never reveal that they've dealt with infidelity, even to close friends and family...that option for privacy is blown away.<p></strong><hr></blockquote><p> I think it would be worse because that BW has to look at the OW's smiling face and captions like "Happy and in love" every time she passes a newstand. I often see Julia Roberts just when I'm flipping through the channels. I used to get triggered just by seeing girls with short blond hair. I can't imagine what it would have been like to be feeling devastated and abandoned and having to see the OW's picture everywhere I went and in big letters "America's Sweetheart". Yuck.