Lupo and Faith,<p> Lupo it is good to hear from you again. It has been along time. How have you been? You are right about having to have some type of relationship with her. I wonder what the future holds. I talked to my cousin lastnight and told her about this conversation and she said that maybe she is trying to start all over again. She is trying to see if you contect or not. I am just going to sit back and look at what happens. She will either go one way or the other. I wish I could stay on longer, but she will be here in a few minutes to get the kids.<p>Indy<p>[ March 30, 2002: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</p>

Everyone,<p> If this time has not been weird for me here is the kicker. I got a letter from the lawyer today. It is from the court. It stated that we have until May 6th to either finish the D or the court will discontinue the action. WOW. It is just to much. I got a copy and I wonder how she will get her's considering that she doesn't have a lawyer anymore. I kind of hope that she doesn't get it, but I know that she will and I guess we will see if this thing can be saved or not. I am not going to even let her knnow about it. I will let her mention it to me.<p>Indy

Hm..........interesting development. Sounds like you are going to wait?!?!?!<p>L.

Orchid,<p> She just dropped off the kids and I found out that she is living with the OM in that apartment. I guess all of this was for nothing. I am going to call my lawyer tomorrow and get the papers ready. I had a friend that I was talking to before I found MBers and she said that if her and the OM move in together that I need to resign my marriage. I have to say that she was right. My my WS wanted to try and start over then she wouldn't have moved into that place with the OM. I guess that my turn was downward instead of upward. I am going to go back to no contact as of right now. <p>Indy

Hi Indy,<p>Just saw your update. I am sorry it turned this way though I am sure you are not surprised. Check your e-mail. <p>L.

Orchid,<p> I ready my email. Thanks for being there. I am online right know so you need to call my cell phone. <p> My WW came over to drop the kids and she handed me some of the stuff that she took out of the apartment and we talked for a few minutes and I heard something for the first time in a year. She laughed at a couple of the things that I said. She is going to call here in a few minutes and I am going to tell her about the letter that I got from my lawyer and tell her that I will have him draw up the papers and tell her that I can't be your friend. The only thing I ever can and want to be is your husband and that is it. It is very clear that she is totaly done and that she has found that man of her dreams, and my shortsidedness is the reason that it is not me. Thanks for trying to help.<p>Indy<p>[ March 30, 2002: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</p>

Indy,<p>Stay here for a few minutes and do this ol' lady a favor. Let your heart calm down before you speak to her about your decision. Remember the calm heart, clear mind thing I always say? This is the time to have both. Do you? <p>If not, hold off those thoughts. Practice in front of the mirror if you need to so that when you do deliver your words, it will be packed with the right punch. Think and choose wisely Indy. Then move ahead. <p>Remember you have been through rigorous training for many other things in your life and know the value of being prepared. Making life changing decisions while in an emotional state is not healthy for anyone. <p>You have been at that level before. This is another one. I am typing feverously to get this to you in time. <p>Let me know. <p>L.

Orchid,<p> I am going off line call me at home.<p>Indy

....another thought. You know how to play cards? Never show your best hand first unless you know you will win. <p>Life is sometimes like that Indy. So don't tell her what you will do. The impact maybe better if it just hits her. Think about that. K?<p>Let's see who else we can rally up here. <p>L.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by INDY_357:
<strong>....It is very clear that she is totaly done and that she has found that man of her dreams, and my shortsidedness is the reason that it is not me. Thanks for trying to help.
Indy</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Indy, we have learned a lot from MB to become a better person and better husband and better father. If those are not enough reason for her to come back, you held you head high, my man. You give it all, all of your best, it is time to heal and to focus on what is improtant to your life. Your kids and you !!!. You are already use to life w/o her with time you will be bless with someone that will appreciate what you could give her. We know we are all want our WS back, not this WW but our better W. However you are a good man you will be bless with better SO, just focus and protect yourself.<p>I would do the same with my WW. I would never speak or see her, the hurt is so deep that I would never be able to move on if I still see a glimse of her. She is my first girl and my first love, I still have so much love for her too.<p>Take Care -RH-

Redhat,<p> It is good to see you again. I am sorry for leaving you out of the letter writing sesion. I will forward you a copy to your email if you would like to look at it.<p>Everyone,<p> She called 9 times last night. I didn't answer the phone at all. She then called again this morning. I am going to get her things ready for dealivery today. I am going to call the lawyer and ask him questions about this letter. I will ask him to draw up an aggreement for me to deliver to her and I will also ask about what happens if we wait. I will let you all in on my thinking process. I will be around later. <p>Thanks
Indy

Indy,<p>Orchid & co already looked at it, I don't think I will have much to add. Just be carefull and protect yourself. You work so hard to be at this point in your emotional and mental state, be cautious. Just look at her actions not her words and stay with facts do not go crazy try to analyze every single words and moves.<p>She knows what she needs to do just stay put on your stand unless there is a major break through. Even with major break through you still want it to be very carefull and get second or third opinions from Z or Orchid.<p>Happy Easter -RH-

Redhat,<p> How can I maintain a stand for my family? I am just fooling myself to think that my WW is going to come too her senses. She has the life that she wants and I couldn't provide her. I will always love and miss her but I know that what I want is a pipe dream. In fact my whole marriage was a pipe dream. I am thinking of a new letter to give to her once I get the papers done up and prepare them for delivery. Thank you all for your support. It has really helped me, but I have to know when I am beaten. That is exactly what I am beaten.<p>Indy

Indy,<p>What I meant with family is you and the kid minus your WW. She might comes to her sense but again she might never or she will but it is too late. The most important thing is you and the kids, you did the right thing by protecting them and your self.<p>About beaten or loosing, I have different view. I know I lost my WW to OM but I gain a lot. I am back stronger than ever to my Lord. My youngest D is on the same track too, she is asking to go to the baptistm class. 2 souls are saved. I am closer to my 2 D than ever. I become a better dad and wiser about relationship in M. I still love my W and hope she will turn around. However she shut the door by filing. I am ready to move on w/ or w/o my WW. For now, I am planning to move on w/o my WW, that is focusing on myself and my 2 D. I am sure you has given your best shot and that is all we could do. I do not see is as loosing or beaten but I see it as completion tour of duty. As a husband, we went beyond and above the call of duty. We know we serve our duty the best we can, the outcome of the battle is out of our hand.<p>God Bless you & be strong -RH-

Hang in there, Indy!!! You're doing fine!!!<p>Beaten? nawwwwww...... the only way to lose is to quit. And you never did quit. <p>Here's how I feel about me, and I believe the same goes for you.<p>Sometimes I feel like my XH "won". Won what???? He got his way, sure. He got rid of me, and is pursuing a shiny new toy. But I know he's got SOOOOOOO many issues. He hasn't faced any of them, and has run himself RIGHT into something else that's going to give him more demons to fight. He'll get tired of THAT shiny new toy some day. He hasn't won anything. He's searching for happiness in all the wrong places. He'll never find it that way. I have fought for something I believed in - something I believed was the RIGHT thing to do, I have grown, learned, and become stronger. <p>I have "won" something for ME, and so have YOU. <p>You have no guilt for an affair - leaving your kids - or walking away from a marriage. You didn't quit when the going got tough. You are setting a wonderful example for your kids. You are placing others happiness and future ahead of your own. Your wife is only thinking of herself.<p>Have a good day, k? It's Spring - it's beautiful - and there's lots to be thankful for.<p>Keep us posted on the phone calls, lawyer, paperwork, etc.<p>Faith1

Everyone,<p> I called the lawyers office today and he was out for the holiday. I left a message and should hear back from him tomorrow. I don't know what I am going to say to him. <p> I have lost. I have lost two of the most presious gifts that I could have been given. I lost them to another man. I know that both my WW and SD are very happy where they are. I have let the best thing in life slip through my fingers. Two years ago I had everything that I ever wanted in my life, but I guess I was meant to go throught hell here on earth. I just can't bear the pain any longer. My children are hurting because of it. It is getting harder to keep the shield that I use to keep all of this inside during the day and I fall apart at night. I hate the quite time after the kids go to bed. That was our time. I just guess that I just need to give up. I am not going to get my family back. I guess that I had nothing but a pipe dream to think that I could satisfy a women and raise children together. I was a complete total an complete fool to think that my WW would be happy to spend her life with a boring person like me. I just wanted to be her husband for life. Thank you all for so much support. This place has at least allowed me to keep my sanity a little longer than I would have if I had never found this place.<p>Indy<p>[ April 01, 2002: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]<p>[ April 01, 2002: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</p>

Indy, you have not lost, they are walking on their own will to live with OM. No matter how bad the M, she should ended it first before she start another one, it was a betrayal. M is about commitment & hard work to get happiness. Your W and mine choose diferent path, could of ... would of ... should of ... they will put the blame on us ... you and I didn't tell our WW to have A with OM ... they choose to have one. I guess if they could be happy with OM, why they didn't work on M and be happy with us ?. You and I didn't hold a gun on our WW's head to tell them to go having A. They choose to have A and not trying with us. We have fought a good battle that what counts & we have gave our best.<p>If you love your W & SD and they are happy where they are ... you should be happy for them. That is the ultimate love you could give it to them. However you need to find your happiness too. Happiness for you & for your kids. We have learn care, protection, spending time and radical honesty ... we know how to safe guard our next relationship. If by the will of God that our W is back then we rejoice and work on our M otherwise we focus on what is important, our kids and our self.<p>I don't know how to dance and always home bound, probably more boring than you, Jeffers probably could tell you that. However I know someone out there will appreciate me as a good dad, good provider, able to safe guard relationship, and enjoy being at home with me. Heck, I know even today I have 2 beautiful girls that appreciate me, my 2 D. So do you. You have your kid that appreciate you and cherish your best, always.<p>God Bless you -RH-

Hey Indy,<p>If you are going to talk to the lawyer about the divorce, there is no need to continue with Plan B other than your sanity. If she calls talk with her, be patient, but keep going in your direction. She has the power to change it, but she probably won't. Eventually, she will realize her mistake.<p>AS for her great happiness, it will change. Neither she nor OM have faced what they have done to you, the children, and even your SD. Someday the chickens will come home to roost. <p>Buddy, you haven't failed. Your marriage failed and that is different. You have two children that love you and depend on you. Keep up the good work with them. Talk to your W and get through this D.<p>But, my friend it is time you took your eyes off of your feet and started to look down the road. There are many good things down that road, don't be so obsessed with this that you miss them. <p>So talk with W, Plan B is not really necessary if you are going to the lawyer and get the final paperwork done. You have done your very best and that is all that you can do.<p>Be a good father, and teach your children how to handle the tough things in life. Look down the road Indy.<p>God Bless,<p>JL

How are ya today, Indy?

Faith,<p> Thanks for asking. I talked to the lawyers office again today. They told me that if I allowed the case to be withdrawn then all of the agreements up to this point would be canceled. We both agreed that I fought to hard for the support that I am now recieving, so to make a long story short I told him to keep the case active. I didn't tell him to move forward. Just to keep it active. I will allow my WW to complete this nasty business. That is her responsibility for this mess that she and I have made.