Indy,<p>I have a question. Think hard and deep before responding. JL's comments, what do you think of them? Also your thoughts on Redhat's comments would be interesting to hear as well. <p>Indy, these 2 men have shared a lot of wisdom with many here. Learn and benefit from them. If you pay heed to their words you will save yourself much pain. You will be able to move forward. <p>Look at these 2 as your 'big brothers'. JL has helped me many a times. He talks with truth directly from his heart. Redhat also speaks with sincerity and truth. Their words could be the key to your freedom and future happiness. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take Care,
L.

Orchid,<p> I had a talk with my son today. I finally got some answers from him on how he is feeling about this. I told just about everything to do with my WS's affiar and he told me how angry he was with her for not being her with the kids and I. I strongly incouraged him to either talk to his mother or write her about it. I am not sure witch one that he will do. I don't even know if he is going to do it at all. But, I did tell him that I am going to need his help around here. I told him that I can't do it by myself. I just wish I could take all of the pain out of his little heart and put it in mine. Thanks for listening. I needed to vent this conversation out of me.<p>Indy

Everyone,<p> I have to say that I have calmed down and am back in the thick of things. I made the cardinal sin. I opened my heart to my WW with that phone conversation. I expected the letter and that talk to shake her awake.<p> I have to admit that the last couple of days with my son have been pretty good. I have had a few good talks with him about all of this. I have been trying to explain what a person does when they love someone. He seemed to get most of it and was very good at listening to it. I again incouraged him to talk or write WW about his feelings for OM and what she has done to us. I don't want to push him, but I really think that this will help him. Is it wrong to do this? I feel like I am putting the kids in the middle.<p>Indy<p>[ April 04, 2002: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</p>

Indy,
You know, I'm your other sis, wondering the same thing that Orchid asked. You can't shake us that easy. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] We're 2 pretty persistent women, so don't mess with us! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I have a question. Think hard and deep before responding. JL's comments, what do you think of them? Also your thoughts on Redhat's comments would be interesting to hear as well. <p>Indy, these 2 men have shared a lot of wisdom with many here. Learn and benefit from them. If you pay heed to their words you will save yourself much pain. You will be able to move forward. <p>Look at these 2 as your 'big brothers'. JL has helped me many a times. He talks with truth directly from his heart. Redhat also speaks with sincerity and truth. Their words could be the key to your freedom and future happiness.
<hr></blockquote><p>Faith1 [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Indy,<p>We all had our moment ... I called her "honey" when my WW had an accident and I was worry about it. As part of my 180 degree and modified plan B is actually protecting myself by just call my WW by her name. However the best thing for us right now is protecting our sanity and our kids. Our WW will do whatever they want to do, we can't control that ... we need to "save" ourself and our kids ... i.e whatever left of our family. You have to train yourself not to do certain thing to help you out, limiting contact is one of the way that I am doing right now too. She knows where to find me if she wants to work on M but I will not entertain any "fog talk" at all. Honestly, you have to start your life and focus away from W. You have to move on w/ or w/o your W. You have been put out your best !, a lot of ladies out there will appreciate your best !. If W is back ... we will rejoice and start working on M together but if W is not, it is her lost.<p>Don't tell your kid what to do !. All we need to explain is the fact and be there for them to answer any questions. Be there for them since WW is not. Also even try to reduce their anger or resenment, she is still their mom. She might be a bad wife and choose a bad path but might not necessary a bad mom.<p>-RH-

Redhat,<p> Thanks for the words of incouragement.<p>Everyone,<p> WW just called me and talked for a few minutes. She was on her way to work. She asked if I knew how I was going to work out the kids seeing her this weekend. I told her that I didn't know yet. She asked that I leave her a message at work to tell her how it is going to work. I was stupid and told her that I would call her at home tonight. She said that she gets home around 3 am. I said that is not a problem. I will most likely be up anyway. I have waited up for you before for you to come home. She said ok. I hope that I didn't sound needy, but it really felt good to hear her voice. <p>Indy<p>[ April 04, 2002: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</p>

Indy,<p>Good I am glad you are doing better. The boys (JL and Redhat) are real helpful. <p>I am glad you had a talk with your son. He is old enough to speak his mind. As little ones do anyway. Why should this be different? I am sure he does not want to lose his mom's love. However, he should not tolerate her actions either. <p>Encourage him to write and talk. This is a good thing. <p>Take care,
L.

Everyone,<p> Well, I talked to the lawyers office today. My WW left our van at the OM's old house and just left. Needless to say it was towed a couple of days ago. I finally found it today and will have it back at the house tomorrow. I kind of have bad feelings toward this. Since I saw the OM driving it. Knowing that he and my WW had all the kids in it acting like they were a family. It will just be strange to see it again everyday. Instead of only when my WW dropped off the kids. <p> Now back to the lawyer. We discussed the van and the D process. I did tell him that I didn't want to proceed forward with the D. He again stated two reasons why she hasn't moved forward.<p>1. She likes having her cake and eating it too. She has me on stand by incase this doesn't work out with the OM.<p>2. She just doesn't have the money and because of that she doesn't have a lawyer.<p> I did raise a couple of concerns for custody of the kids. He told me not to worry about it. Looking at her past record over the last year she couldn't take them from me if she tried. I told him that she is making it look like I am responsible for her not having the kids. She does this because it is socially uniexecptible for the mother not to have the children. She feels guilty for what she is done and she doesn't want other people to think badly of her for giving up her children. I was in total agreement with him. What do you think?<p>Indy

Everyone,<p> My son came to me today and wanted to write a letter to his mother. He wrote it on his own, but I have a feeling that WW will think that I coached him on it. I guess we will just have tto what and see.<p>Indy

Ok Indy, <p>This A thing is no longer just between you and her. You are going to have to let others (like your children, friends and family) have their say. <p>Your W may say whatever the fog logic dictates but you know the truth. If and when she babbles lies, just step aside and let it pass you by. You know the truth and don't grab onto the babbling lies. K? <p>Keep working with your lawyer. Be prepared. You do not have to accomodate her financial or appearance status. It will not do you or your family any good. <p>If you can, let us know how your son is after he writes his letter. He is 7 right? <p>Take Care,
L.

Orchid,<p> Yes my son is seven. It is hard to believe that it has been that long. It seems like only yesterday that I recieved a vist from my First Sergeant while I was out in the field. But, that is a different story. He talked to me about it last night before he went to bed. He said that he felt alittle better. I didn't really want to take it farther than that. I just told him that WW would most likely talk to him after she reads it. I am also expecting a response from her when she drops off the kids. I have just got to remember that she will say things just to hurt me, so I have to steel myself against it. <p> What did you think about that letter that I sent you last night?<p>Indy<p>[ April 06, 2002: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</p>

Everyone,<p> WW dropped off the kids last night and I talked to my son when I put him in bed. He said that mommy didn't talk to him about the letter he wrote her. I felt heartbroken that she didn't even have the heart to talk to her own son about the letter. It really hurt him that she just stonewalled him like that. I guess that words from a child must have to sinnk in before they register or she has become that most cold hearted person that I have ever come across.<p>Indy

Indy, my man ... Most likely your WW think that you "coach" your son to write the letter. Do not bring or ask her about the letter and do not tell her about your son disapointment. Console your son about his disapointment and just say that mom is probably busy. You are hurt but your son probably only disapointed, do not project your feeling about this to your son. Let the issue dies. -RH-

Everyone,<p> I have been away for a while. I just thought that I would drop you all a line and tell you that I am still alive. I had a very interesting visit from my WS lastnight. Let's just keep it to this. She said some things that I didn't like so I asked her to leave and when she stormed out she said that she was happy that she was Ding my a**. I guess that says it all. <p>Indy

Hi Indy, was wondering how you were doing.<p>Sorry to hear that things are still going this way for you Indy. But it does sound like you are getting your feet on the ground more and more every day.

INDY,<p>Glad to hear from you. I was taking kid in the middle class (mandatory in my county for Dv in process) ... they talk about 5 stages of separation/Dv: 1. pre-separation ... alot of denial. 2. separation ... precocupied w/ the loses, illness, deep depression. 3. Strong emotions ... anger, guilt. 4. adult adolesence ... searching for new identity/meaning of life. 5. new maturity ... finding new strength, new identity/prospective in life. <p>We could be resonate between any one of them at given moment. However as we know it there is no clear cut in explaining our human emotions under stress. Actually both BS/WS will have to pass those stages. We want to be in stage 5 as fast as we can.<p>Glad that you are stronger. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] -RH-

Hello everyone,<p> It has been awhile since I posted last. Yes things have turned for the worst. She left me a note in my mail box that was totally heart breaking. I really don't want to post it here because it hurts so much. I am still alive and kicking. <p>Indy

Indy,
Glad you posted [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] !<p>I'm so sorry she is treating you this way. You don't deserve it. Please take care of YOU, and your KIDS. She is choosing to take this path, and you have done and ARE doing everything you can to prove your love to her. <p>If you love something, sometimes you must let it goooooooo..... <p>Take care of YOU!!!! <p>{{{{{Indy}}}}}<p>Faith1

Faith,<p> It is good to hear from you. I am glad that your exH told you he was sorry. I hope that it made you feel better. I will check in later.<p>Indy