Well she got the fedex this morning and wasn't very happy, as expected. She stated this just reinforces her decision to end the marriage and be with the OM because I am cruel, controlling, and a horrible person. How could I do this to the children? She stated that she would never come back now and will file for divorce, she reinforced over and over that the marriage is over. She stated that she will find a way to survive and doesn't need me to support her or to be in her life. I expected this so I am not shocked..<p>Dave

Dave,<p>Stay the course. I think Jennifer will tell you that this is a fairly common reaction during Plan B. At this point you are going to give the OM a chance to meet all of her needs - it likely won't be able to happen. When that time comes, she will hopefully remember the efforts you made during Plan A, and you will have your chance.<p>You are doing the right thing.<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>-HD

Thanks HD, I have very mixed emotions, I feel like I am driving her further away, maybe that has to happen before she hits bottom and reality sets in, if ever, for her. I am not very optimistic that
our marriage will be saved, so much has happened. She is so set on divorce and being with OM... this hurts so bad. She looked me in the eyes this morning when I dropped off the kids and said that she never loved me, she got married when she was too young, she was sorry for the hurt, but she has no choice but to divorce, OM is her soul mate, she is sorry that it took this for her to find this out. I said that I was sorry that she felt this way.
Dave

Dave,
All her foggeese aside, how old is your WW?

Al, she is 33, we starting dating when she was 24 and got married when she was 27.

I still think the kids being at home with their mother is better than daycare. No one is going to convince me that daycare is better than a parent. <p>And Dave, I am sorry - I thought alimony was the same thing as child support...I thought you meant you were going to cut off child support...

Shannon, I would never cut of child support, I am very supportive of my children and would scarfice anything in my life for those two beautiful children. I feel so bad that this happening. I do not want my children in daycare but on the other hand I don't want them to come from a divorced family either. I don't know what else to do to try to get my wife out of the fog, there is only 4 months left until either of us can file for divorce and right now she is stil in the fog, stil with the OM, and we are headed for divorce. I also don't know how much more of this I can take.
The OM is about 10 years older than her, she is 33 he is 43, I don't know too much about him but I don't like what I know, just the fact that he gets involved with a married women and contributes to breaking up a family, he also still lives with his parents which seems stange to me. What are his values and morals? What are my wifes values and morals? What is this teaching my children???

Dave,<p>Please don't allow yourself to feel guilty regarding the alimony or the child care issue. Following what Jenn has recommended is giving your marriage the best chance there is, IMHO. Long term goals is what you need to stayed focused on.<p>I see now why Jenn has recommended you withdraw the alimony at this time. Since there is 4 months left before either of you can file, that gives your wife plenty of time to get past the initial shock and bad feelings of you withdrawing the Alimony, as well as gives her time to see that OM cannot meet her financial need. Jenn certainly knows what she's doing. You're in good hands, Dave.<p>Best,
Jo<p>[ March 29, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Then I personally think she has no basis to say she is too young. Age is a poor excuse and I bet a lof of BS's hear it.<p>Hell I was 18 when I met my wife and I am 25 now, I know what I was in for I understand the commitment involved in marriage and a serious relationship, its my wife who is 6 years older than me who doesnt quite see things.<p>Its a wonder you still listen to the things she spouts to you Dave. Dont take any of it to heart my friend. She can blame age, you, OM, enviroment, nuclear waste whatever all she wants, bottom line is the affair and all the aftermath is her fault. yes a marriage takes two people but noone is forced into an affair.<p>-Alex

I am going to continue down this path that I have started, although I am going to feel some guilt here, even though I know I have to do this to attempt to save the marriage. I guess this is just my personality, I never enjoy hurting other people,especially the ones that I love, and I know this is going to hurt her.<p>Al, I guess age is just a number and has nothing to do with emotional maturity, responsible, and committment. As you stated, she needs to blame everyone else for her choice, especially me.<p>I am giving this my all for the next 4 months, if she divorces my on August 04, then I know that I have tried everything possible. That will also be 13 months of this which I know is not that long, but it will be my limit. Leaveing me 3 times for the OM and 13 months is when I will call it quits for good.<p>Dave