Bump one last time!!!!!! No one cares.

Needing-<p>We are here and we do care, just hang on, ok. Don't get discouraged, sometimes these boards run slow.<p>About all I can offer you is to take this time to focus on yourself and not on W. Use this time apart to do some serious self-reflection and self-evaluation. Find out exactly why you had the A, what was missing in you and your M that made the A so attractive to you. Remember that Plan A is all about you making you a winner, its not about winning W back.<p>You do need to distance yourself from W right now. She is very angry and it seems that her anger is making her a bit emotionally unstable. Don't put yourself in her line of fire, let her fester and boil by herself, let her come to you when she is ready. Don't worry about the D either, it really sounds like a threat to me.<p>A very special friend her at MB shared this with me a long time ago and it really helped me, hopefully it will help you as well…<p>
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>
If you look at the top of the MB pages you will notice a triangle with two arrows pointing to the top. Think of the triangle this way: The bottom two points are you and your W, not together, you are at one corner and W is at the other. The top point is God. The arrows along the side of the triangle represent the journey that you are undertaking, they are individual journeys, you are on one and W is on the other. <p>The arrows point upwards towards God, that is the only way that you will finish your journey, by pointing (focusing) on Him. You will get to the top at your time, W at hers. Also notice that there are no arrows pointing across at each other, that's because you are not supposed to focus (worry) about her right now, she has to make this journey on her own. <p>I guess the point I am trying to make is that you have to focus on the top of the triangle in order to complete your journey. You can not focus on W, much as you want to, she is going to have to do this on her own. You will both make progress.
<hr></blockquote><p>Wish there was more I could offer you, stay strong and focused on yourself and your son.
[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ April 10, 2002: Message edited by: loveherstill ]</p>

Found out that my son called and talked to W on Monday and W told him that she was sorry to be putting him through a 2nd D, and I cannot think of anything else right now, she is consumming my mind and what I did to her is beginning to make me feel really guilty again, I just cant seem to get the pain, and the pain that she must be feeling out of my mind right now. Just when I thought I was doing better my son drops that on me. I still have not recieved papers but the thought that could be coming any day is painful and the thought that she is spending time with someone else also consumes me, right now I wish I were dead!

How long did your A last? Is it the only one? Did you stop contact immediately? Have you shown remorse, apologized to your W? Have you shown a willingness to do marriage counseling with W if she would be willing to? Have you told your wife that she has every right to be angry? Have you expressed a willingness to change, to learn how to meet her emotional needs, if she would give you that chance.
I don't think distancing yourself from her will save your M- if anything I think it will justify her actions in her mind (well, obviously he doesn't care about me, so....). I would try to to e-mail her regularly as a friend, and if she sends e-mails such as you included in your post (which sound angry and hurt to me) I would respond by saying- "the only one I want to e-mail is you, dear W" Phrases such as "I'm so sorry I hurt you" "I made a terrible mistake and I've learned from it" etc are also good. Don't talk about the D with her, just reiterate that you love her, want to work on the M with her if she would give you the chance. Think about what kind of good M you would create with her. What could you contribute to a good marriage?

I started the profile on yahoo 9/18/01 and started emailing this woman who responded to my profile in Dec. we met for lunch 12/27/01, and agreed to meet again on 1/4/02 and we had a physical meeting on that day. My W found out on 1/8/02, and I had not had contact with OW since then, however W will not have anything to do with me since, I will continue to email as a friend until she stops me and I will not discuss D at all I am feeling a little better now, am getting ready to call my therapist and see what she has to say. Thanks!

Well I have had limited communication with W this week, still no D papers have been filed to date, she told me 2 weeks ago that she was going to file in one month. Sunday W will be singing a solo in church, and I am the bass player, I emailed her Thursday and told her that I was proud of her, because I know how much she wanted to do a solo. I also informed her that we were doing the song in a different key than the original. The reason I told her is because we had a band and have worked together throughout our M on an original album of christian music, and I know when she is not on key vocally. She did not respond to my email however she called the music director and told him that she wanted to do the song in the original key. I pray that she knows that I want her to do well on Sunday. I also called my Stepdaughter to ask her if she was going to the father daughter dinner tomorrow, she had told me that it would depend on her moms feelings about it, I left a message and she has not called me back. I Love my W so much and pray that she will see that I am repentent and want very much for her to be happy, however that may be.

As the BS, your wife's email sounds very much like one I would have liked to write to my WH. The anger and rage is almost overpowering at times, as well as the desire and need to strike out and hurt the WH. In my case, I want my marriage as much as I want to hurt him, so I refrain from attacking. It sounds like the pain and anger have overwhelmed your wife. She is not making a clear-headed rational decision about this, but boy-oh-boy, I can understand what she's doing.<p>I hope you are both in counseling, ideally together but at least individually. I understand about rage as a motivator - it provides some tremendous bursts of energy and productivity. But in the long run, it destroys much of what's good.

For those of you who have been on here for a while especially WS does it seem like sometimes that nobody really cares, or is it just me? I am so sorry for what I did and am having trouble forgiving myself, it seems that the BS that are willing to forgive for the most part have children together, if you dont have kids, it seems like no hope.

I had a dream last night and my W was in it, when I woke up this morning I rode by her house for the third time, in about 6 weeks, every other time her car was there, but this morning it wasnt, I am sure she has a friend that she is hanging out with and spending the night with and it might be the same guy that she is planning to M when she D me. The hard part is waiting for her to file, it cant be that expensive. We could not agree on the papers that she gave me from a home kit, because she has some of my property that I owned before our M, and she feels like she have it as payment for the A, Because if I sign the papers as they are what she has of mine she keeps, because she took what she wanted from the house because of restraining order she had filed against me. Should I just sign the papers, since she is showing no signs of what to get back together? I feel stuck, I really dont want to move on, however I feel like even if I go a movie or out for dinner, if I met a F, I could not be friends, because I want M to work out, I really continue to be patient and wait for the Lord to reveal that she really does have a man and is spending the night with him before we are D, if so then she is comitting adultery even though we are not living together, we are still M, let me know if you disagree with this.