Terrified,
We went through so many separations over nearly 2 years, there isn't a blanket statement for them. I'd say the first 5 I was intensely interested in what he was doing. The 6th less so, losing heart. The 7th, though the PA had been over for 4 months (and he'd left me yet another time [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] ), I discovered him emailing her in his office, right after our counselor's meeting where H said he wanted to reconcile, and I didn't. I wanted to talk to him afterwards, went to see him, he was in the process of emailing her--wouldn't let me see it, so it was not a "neutral" thing.<p>After that, I simply didn't like him, considered him beyond hope, my lovebank was already drained. So, distancing at that point was not difficult. Boundaries--barricades!--were easy. I served the D papers....<p>I don't regret doing Plan A, or trying at least to, for 18 months. It did show my H I loved him, it gave me time to regain...myself? Strength? When my love disappeared, he realized he wanted me. And then, he put forth the effort, a really good Plan A, to bring me to reconciliation.<p>As unlikely as our 7th reconiliation was, the fact that we did both make the choice to reconcile, knowing we could get along without each other, but not wanting to...has made this the reconciliation that worked.<p>I realize nobody would want to take this path. I wouldn't have chosen it out of pile [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] , but it is how it played out for us.<p>When I was the weak, grasping partner, my H felt sorry for me, even wanted to take care of me, but he didn't want to live with me or be my husband.
