Holy moly that took me a while to read all that to get caught up!<p>Jack, my OM was a lifetime friend of my H's (and his cousin, he lives just a couple of miles from us). My H doesn't have many real friends...none that aren't related. He grew up in a very small rural community and didn't really see anyone but relatives growing up. I told the OM once that his part in all of this hurt my H far more than mine did...I don't think he believed me but I know it's true. My H never really did trust me but he did trust the OM. I think he thought I was too good to be true. I'm pretty, intelligent, fun and I doted over him tons. I've also always been a flirt and very independant. Mix that with his low self esteem and I think he smelled trouble from the start. Honestly I never believed I'd EVER be unfaithful to him...but I also never believed I'd be as unhappy as I was. I would NEVER have turned to a stranger...a stranger wouldn't have stood a chance. But this guy was a friend...a close friend to us both. It was never his intention to hurt my H...but he was angry with him. He was taken for granted for years just as I was. My H had a bit of an a*hole streak in him. He was just treating us as his father treated everyone in his life, and he didn't even realize it. But once it was all out in the open...my H was very ashamed for how he'd treated everyone. He actually became convinced that the A was his fault. He said to me once that he wished the OM would put this all behind him and that they could atleast speak when they run into each other at functions. He said the OM acts like H did something wrong instead of the other way around. Their "friendship" was certainly nothing solid, but it was pretty much all my H had besides me. This was the worse thing that could have ever happend to him. He and I have obviously mended things...and he knows now that the A was NEVER his fault. I am back to being the doting loving wife and I let him know how much I appreciate that chance. He says the same to me, which makes me feel good. I often wish the OM would pull his head out of his butt and show some remourse...atleast apologize to my H...but he's too stubborn and immature. It really IS his loss, because my H has really grown as a person and he's not only a wonderful H now, but a very caring friend as well. He made a mistake and deserved to be called on it...not abandoned or punished.<p>I doubt the OM ever will apologize...I'm not even sure he'll ever come to grips with his part in all of this. I think the blame will fall on me and he'll just move on in his life and try to forget about it all. It too bad, this was really a good learning experience for H and I and we used the opportunity to grow from it all. In your case I think if allowed back in, the OM would take the opportunity to try to recontact your wife. My OM would never have carried on with me had he EVER thought I would have stayed. He was only a willing participant when he thought we would ultimately be together. Your OM showed much more disreguard of you (ie approaching your wife after she broke it off). I hope you can find a way to release your pain and anger. I don't think the OM in your situation holds the key to that.
