Thanks for responding everyone. Really interesting answers and almost eerie how the stories are so similar. I know this place is a God send. Thanks again [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I think it's very interesting how so many people suspected something and actually felt relieved when they first found out. That was exactly me, and I thought it was wierd to feel that way. I was just glad that I wasn't crazy or paranoid. At first I was so p*ssed at WH for trying to force me to doubt myself and my intuitions. That's one of the hardest parts for me to deal with still. JMTC.

WeR trying that's the weird thing for me - I had no idea. I didn't suspect anything. He was always where he was supposed to be or so it seemed at the time. Even though I KNOW it's true, since he told me and I have evidence, I still can't understand how I didn't notice or suspect. Of course in hindsight I remember thing that didn't seem to fit but at the time of the A it all seemed normal.<p>The hardest part for me to deal with is how he denied and denied and made up some of the most lame excuses and he actually thought I would believe them. I THINK everything is out in the open now but I still wait to be broadsided by something new. This affair has changed me from a trusting person to a paranoid, suspicious one.

1. How did you discover your the A? Wife had been acting cold, distant. I had the general feeling something wasn't right. She wouldn't talk to me about it. So, I snooped. I was desperate. I noticed her writing a letter one night. When I would come near, she would quickly stop and cover-up what she was writing. While she was gone the next day, I went looking for the letter. It was already sealed and addressed. However, the letter was addressed to her long time penpal and the letter from her(the penpal) was there and open. I read the letter from the penpal. It refered to OM and whether or not she was still talking to him. Then the penpal wrote that she didn't want to ask too much in case I(Wounded Heart) ever read W's letters. This pretty much set things in motion. I grabbed the sealed letter my wife had written and ran out to my truck. I was trying to figure out how to get it open carefully because if I was wrong about the contents, W would never forgive me for opening it. I ended up ripping it open. In it, one line ripped my heart out. "Ever since I was with (OM) I can't even kiss (Wounded Heart)." She went on to say how they talked all the time and how I probably thought the way she was acting was just hormones.<p>2. What was your first reaction?
Absolute shock. I got out of my truck and stumbled around the yard a bit, eventually made it inside the house. I couldn't catch my breath. Called my mother and explained that I might need a place to stay and told her why. Then called W who was at a funeral. I told her I needed her to come home now, right now. I was waiting outside for her.
3. What was your spouses reaction? Shock. Defensive anger. Cried. Did NOT deny. She asked if I wanted her to leave. I said that I thought she should. She did. Took the kids too.<p>4. Why did you decide to save the marriage? After the initial shock, W woke up from whatever spell she was under. She got on her knees and begged for a second chance. She told all. Answered all questions honestly. Said she would do whatever it took to make it up to me. I still loved her. She is the only girl I have ever loved. She had been an (almost)perfect wife and mother since the day we met. We have 2 beautiful kids who need 2 parents. We have built a wonderful life together over the past 13 years. It seemed stupid and wrong to throw it all away without trying to fix it. Marriage shouldn't be a throw away item. Like Dr. Phil says, "When children are involved, you have to earn a divorce." To me, it was just too good to just throw it all away.<p>5. How did you find MB? I did a search on dogpile I think. My favorite search engine. I probably searched for "infidelity". I HATE that word now. It bothers me whenever I come to MB that I have to click on that word.