Tutter, <p>Stay with it please! You are doing the work of working it out....<p>I'm a BH and I have been reading your posts and getting good insite on the WW viewpoint, they have been very helpful to me to understand better my WW. <p>It is good to hear you and H can talk about A, feelings, fears, etc, even after so many months.<p>From a BH viewpoint....we(I) can trigger on most anything but the strongest triggers are the behaviors of the WS during the A and that are still happening. For example, taking extra time to come home after work( and don't say anyting about it), or wearing clothes he knows you wore to "see him" (an aside, men don't normally pay attention to clothing, he may remember a dress or such went on a "meeting" but probably won't remember just which one...so when a similiar dress is worn it becomes a trigger....You will probably get very confused, just be patient)<p>Anyway, think about what you were doing or wearing when you had to decieve him, those are the triggers for him (they are for me, and it makes me wonder, is she..? Even if I bury it, the thought is still there) In fact, any little deceit is a trigger in itself such as the little white lies for the suprise guests at dinner....<p>If he thought you were going to serve D papers then he is not certain where you are in the recovery. He may be thinking after each little spat that, "was that the last one, for her, is it the last one for me?" "is she so pissed at me she will contact OM again or look for another OM?"<p>As a BH I wish my W would encourge me more about how she is feeling toward our M and just generally being together. <p>I hope some of this helps, I see my W going on the rollercoaster because of my rollercoaster, its encouraging the both of you know you are on the same ride in the same theme part [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I remember my dad said once, anything worth having is worth working for...<p>Take care and thanks so much for presenting your viewpoints <p>DRS
