I reacted much like you to the posts of SnL and Thinker. I just couldn't write it down like you did. (Are you sure we're not twins separated at birth?) I swear what you wrote I experienced... twice... with stepdad 1 and step dad 2... <p>I have had to force myself to stay away from their posts... though I seem to be drawn there hoping against hope that one of them will see the light before it gets to something terrible and violent... where there will be no turning back.<p>Hugs to you,
Cali

Cali ... Sel is a "riff raf" near and dear to my heart. She is an amazing woman ... and I admire her and love her.<p>Pepper [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

Cali and Pepper,<p>I have only known Selket for a short time on MB forum. She IS amazing .... honest and strong. <p>I wish she'd post more. Her words always help me so much.<p>Jo<p>[ April 19, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

OMG! Now I'm really bawling!<p>gulp.....<p>A "Thank you" seems so inadequate and I'm humbled by these words from you ladies. Strong women I admire.<p>Cali~ It's so hard. The sad truth is.....we probably have many twins out there who are experiencing the same things we do. I ALWAYS feel for the children in situations like these. Always. These situations make me mad as h#ll because while the parents are thumping turds about "you did this and you did that" the children are left wondering "Who cares who did WHAT, just STOP IT and either deal with it all the way through or get the heck outta dodge." The kids are suffering JUST AS MUCH as either parent. I thank ever-loving God that when I was stupid enough to have my affair, my daughter was very young. I am also thankful that she was young enough and impressionable enough that it wasn't too late to teach her many of the lessons that I learned from having an affair. I guess you could say that I have been one step ahead of her in growing up. But, that's okay because my lessons are still so fresh by the time she is ready to learn about them, I think I am able to express myself very well to her. At least I hope so.<p>I've been MIA for a few weeks. I had H's family in town for a week and then we visited my parents for a week. BIG MISTAKE. It broke my heart to move for I love them dearly......but to be gosh-darned honest about it.....I'm so glad I moved. It's nothing but a big ball of kooky nerves around their house. "You cheated on me so I'm not going to clean the house" and "You wear flip-flops and won't give me my way so I cheated". <p>It just makes me sick. I just want to slap the both of them upside their heads. I finally told my mother in so many words "YOU are the ONLY one who can do ANYTHING to make YOU happy. You have two choices....either stay with him and not expect a damn thing from him or leave him.....because HE'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE." I'm sick of hearing things about my father. I'm sick of being dragged in the middle of all of this.<p>I'M SICK TO DEATH THAT MY DAUGHTER CAN'T ENJOY THE BEAUTY OF A GRANDPARENT/GRANDCHILD RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE TIME FOR HER. They are too busy thinking only of themselves. <p>I'm sick of not mattering. None of us matter expect for my father and his OW (whom he hasn't seen in 2 years). The distance between my parents and me has become very much a saving grace. <p>My mother called me the other day and said she and my father have to travel to the city where he met OW. Her statement was "I hope I don't get arrested?" This crap coming from my 50 y.o. mother is a bit much too swallow. I mean, ISN'T SHE AN ADULT AND SUPPOSED TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HER ACTIONS??????<p>I AIN'T dealing with this mess.<p>But you know, these are the cards that life has dealt me....so I have to examine them and analyze them....take what is good and healthy and trash the rest. I can't expect them to be mature and....and.....and......HEALTHILY deal with their stuff. So, I'm learning not to expect anything. It's been a good lesson about expectations.<p>One really sad thing is when I talk to my mother, I have gotten to the point where I don't ask her how "things" are going. I want to talk to her....not about OW, not about my father.......and I've found that we have VERY LITTLE to talk about.<p>Sorry for the big long vent.<p>Pepperoni~ I love you, too. I mean that. Whether you know it or not, you have been very much a mother figure to me over the last two years. I hold onto your words very dearly and I always try to take your advice, even when it's not given to me but to someone else. You don't know what a blessing you have been in my life.<p>Resilient~ Oh, Resilient! If I have helped you in any way, I feel honored, to say the least.<p>I have some more junk to work through so I will probably be around alot more and it feels really good to know I will be in good company.<p>hugs and friendship to you ladies,<p>sel

Gee Selket...<p>I had about as much fun last week w/ my mom and sisters [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ...<p>All they could do was b**** about each other and who was doing what to whom and how it made them feel. All I wanted to do was enjoy our time together w/out worrying which one I was going to p*** off.<p>I gave each (separately) the "All you can do is fix your half of the relationship. You can't fix them. You only control you." speech.<p>I guess one 'nice' thing about this mess is that I have learned not to keep my mouth shut... I'm honest and up front w/ them (I hope w/out being judgmental and patronizing). <p>So I know what you mean about not getting caught up in their craziness. <p>Hugs to you.
Cali

Hey now,<p> Don't think that it's just the ladies that appreciate you SEL. 'Some' if not all of us guys took a shining to you as well [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p> I've said it before and will say it again, "You Riff Raff are a great and wonderful addition to our little family called MB". Redbook masters made a bad call, to our benefit.<p> Good to hear you will be around more Sel. I look forward to seeing your posts.<p> jd

Cali~<p>You feel like that, TOO! Hhhhmmm, maybe we do have the same bloodline. You are probably on the more noble side of the family tree and I'm probably from the other side of the blanket side of the family tree. Sometimes I think a zapper would come in handy. You know, when your sitting there listening to one dawg on the other one and you just ever-so-sweetly reach over and ZZzzaaaAAAPPP them and then the conversation shifts to a more pleasant note. Of course, the zapper would have a memory eraser and they would NEVER know that we zapped 'em.<p>To the feller who posted to me.....<p>Well....<p>Bless Yer Heart, JD!<p>(BTW- have any of you read the Sweet Potato Queen's Book of Love? Absitively and Posolutely HILARIOUS! Get it and read it.)<p>There is no way Redbook could've known that us RiffRaff are TRUE Warrior Princesses.......tiara's, battle gear and all. Oh, well, pity on them. It's their loss. Although I do venture over there on a rare occasion....just to see the void our stately selves have left in our wake. <snickering but KNOWING deep down that they don't have the capacity to truly appreciate us> [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Anyway, all kidding aside (although not the part about being Warrior Princesses), I really like this forum.....or should I say, I like the people I've met here. It's good to see
you, JD. I'll have to spend some time catching up on you all. I hope you are doing GREAT!<p>hugs and friendship,<p>sel

OH ........ GoooooOOOOdIE !!!<p>A ...... funnEEE book!<p>I'm gonna treat myself with this this weekend. I have to go to a seminar that deals largely with PAIN management ... I think I'll slip this 'ol fun book in the syllabus and enjoy myself! People will be a-wonderin' why this gal is giggling about PAIN management ........ >>snort<<<p>Pepper [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

a funny book? not a self-help book or affair book or relationship book or ....<p>just a book for fun?<p>They write those still?<p>Cali

Pepsi~<p>I'm telling you.....this book is F-U-N-N-Y!<p>I literally laughed out loud all the way through it. God! I even stood by my husband while he was fishing in the pond behind our apartment and read aloud many excerpts from the book. He thought it was pretty funny as well. I wish I was a Sweet Potato Queen (but I think asking a lady to be a Sweet Potato Queen and a Warrior Princess is just asking too much, don't you think?). Here are some tips you will get from the book.....<p>~ The True Magic Words Guaranteed to Get Any Man to Do Your Bidding.<p>~ The Five Men you Must Have in Your Life at All Times. (Of course, Mr. Sel thinks he's all five men rolled into one and what he doesn't know won't hurt him, I say. Let me just put it this way, I don't let him fix a darn thing around the house.)<p>~ Men Who May Need Killing, Quite Frankly. (of course, this isn't literally, but in the South, that's just what we say)<p>~What to Eat When Tragedy Strikes, or Just for Entertainment. (she even gives recipes...although none with salami, peanut butter and cream cheese)<p>
Now, I want you to pay special close attention to Chapter 4 (Be Prepared on Account You Just Never Know), this tells about Curtisene Lloyd. The story REALLY is true....I actually heard Curtisene's court testimony.<p>brief synopsis of her story (Gawd, I admire this woman). She's a middle aged Sunday School teacher who also works as a nurse. One night she awoke to find a man in her bedroom. He started by telling her he was going to kill her but he was going to rape her beforehand. Anyway, he stripped all of his clothes off and climbed in bed with her. He gave her orders as to what type of acts he wanted her to perform on him. The idiot didn't have a weapon and Curtisene took advantage of this fact. As the book says ( and as Curtisene said during her testimony) she "just reached out and took aholt [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] . <p>Through much twisting, cussing, and yanking, ole Curtisene was able to bring this guy "to his knees begging to be kilt" just to be out of his misery.<p>There's a whole lot more to the story but I don't want to ruin it because it's just too dang funny. Needless to say, Curtisene wasn't raped. In the end though, the guy ended up in jail and Curtisene was declared "The Most Prepared Woman the World Has Ever Known".<p>Get it, Pep, it will certainly get you giggling and people wondering. Then again, maybe it's so funny to me because the author talks and reasons the same way I do.<p>sel<p>[ April 19, 2002: Message edited by: selket ]</p>

I read an email that H wrote to OW... she called herself 'Princess' and he referred to her as his Warrior Princess... so since I can't be one of those... <<<shudder>>> as I try to get past the "princess" trigger, I'll aspire to being a Sweet Potato Queen...<p>Had I grown up w/ my dad's family (from Texas) I'd still have the accent to go w/ it... thick as sweet potato pie until I was in second grade... <p>darn Michigan (Yankee) kids used to laugh at my pronunciations... so I quickly lost it...<p>I'm gonna check this book out for sure.<p>Cali

Aaahhh, Cali~<p>I'll let you in on a little secret. She most CERTAINLY was NOT a Warrior Princess. The VERY idea!!!!! Some people just won't stop, will they? It's very hard to become a TRUE Warrior Princess (believe me, I know). So don't you worry your pretty head about that trigger.....she was just a Warrior Princess Wannabe. I'm sure her feeble attempts to raise herself to such grandiosity only left her feeling....oh.....lacking . Poor thing. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Xena<p>a.k.a<p>X<p>a.k.a.<p>sel [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ April 19, 2002: Message edited by: selket ]</p>

P.S.<p>Yes, Cali, a book just for fun!<p>It's definitely worth the $12.00.<p>Just get your favorite drink, a bag of chips, some chocolate.....prop your feet up....and prepare to laugh!<p>sel<p>P.S. Mr. Sel (a.k.a. Conan) and I had lunch yesterday with one of his business associates. I was trying to explain to this yankee that B-B-Q'ing is VERY different than grilling. He just didn't get it. He thought that anything you put on the grill was Bar-B-Q'ed. I had to explain that all he was doing was grilling.....you had to actually Bar-B-Que to Bar-B-Que. He also didn't understand that there is a very distinct difference between SOUTHERN cooking and CAJUN cooking. He thought anything breaded and cooked in the south was cajun. I kinda giggled and then went on to explain that he was actually eating "Home" cooking...not cajun. He also didn't understand the concept of a Coke. Down here......every carbonated drink is a Coke....whether it be an Orange Slice, Dr. Pepper, Mountain Dew or Sprite....it's all a Coke. As in I say "Honey would you get me a coke" and honey says "What kind do you want?" and I say "A Dr. Pepper". Northern Boy calls 'em sodas or pops. Needless to say, he was taken to school yesterday. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] (of course, he was looking at me the whole time like I was completely uncivilized while remarking on my accent.)<p>Also, I don't hold anything against Northerner's. Some of my very best friends are from the north. I use the term Yankee with utmost affection. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Okay... Selket where are you from?<p>I've tried many times to explain to people that I did not learn to cook "Black" or soul food... (my H is African-American, I am not). I have always known how to make grits (w/ butter and salt and pepper NOT sugar!), cornbread, greens, fried catfish, fried chicken, and sometimes I grill and sometimes I BARBQ! Also know the difference between Creole and Cajun... <p>but, I like my tea w/out sugar please.<p>Cali

Well--<p>There appears to be quite the fan club for the aforementioned book.<p>http://www.crescentblues.com/2_1issue/sweet_potato_queen.shtml<p>Maybe I will have to check it out myself although <p>1. I am a male [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>2. And a Yankee.. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Which do you figure is worse? [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>E

Hey Elad... notice no Princesses...<p>I am a QUEEN! I AM A QUEEN!<p>as to your question?<p>The jury is still out [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ... as my H is both a male and a Yankee himself...<p>Cali

Cali--you aren't A queen. <p>You are THE queen.<p>Just don't drop that tiara. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>E

Hi ya Sel! I just finally finished "Seat of the Soul" and I am ready for a funny book. Glad to hear you're still around - someone didn't answer my last e-mail again [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Hugs from one of your yankee friends,
JJ [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Cali~<p>I am from Tennessee but I currently live in Florida.<p>I like my tea iced and sweet, thank you!<p>One of my best dishes is fried pork chops, fried okra, corn, cornbread, green beans boiled to death with bacon and onions.....oh, and don't forget the fried potatoes! Most of my family uses fatback but I stick to bacon....trying to keep my girlish figure, you know? I haven't mastered gravy to my husband's chagrin.<p>Anyway, I don't think you cook black.....girl you just cook with SOUL!<p>Elad~<p>No, no, NO! Do NOT get this book. It's not for men! Caution: if you are a man and you read this book, your eyeballs with pop out! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] (we can't have you men learning the True Magic Words for us to get you to do our bidding, now can we???? then our ruse will be up and I just can't think of anything that could possibly take the place of them there magical words.)<p>Hhhmmmmm....that's a hard one.....<p>okay, I've given it some thought. Which one is worse, being a Northerner or being a Man? <p>Being a northerner, DEFINITELY!<p>We can work around you being a man, especially if we have one of those cattle prod thingies! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] There just ain't any hope if you're a yankee. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Uuuuhh-HHMmmmm.....update....<p>just in case you are wondering....<p>it's not Pe-can pie....it's pahcahn pie. A Pee-can is something you leave beside the bed at night!<p>sel

Ha! JJ~<p>You ole Yankee YOU! Stop teasing me, I'm dying to know.....who didn't answer your last email? [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>sel
(tiptoe-running to check my email) [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]