TowardstheFuture wrote:<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>After enough time, and under the right circumstances, anyone's sense of self can erode to the point of making them vulnerable.<hr></blockquote><p>A strong sense of self is by definition not readily erodable. Severe trauma, such as being in a POW camp for months, might erode one's sense of self, but I do not agree that a strong sense of self can be eroded by more "normal" stresses of life, such as problems in relationships.

I think a major part of the "I can totally be myself with her" line is that you have nothing on the line with that person. You don't have to pay for their bills, care for them when they are sick, see them not looking their best for you, etc. It's a very artificial, phony world. Most affairs start at the office where people are dressed their nicest and on their best behavior. My H's OW was oh so 'pleasant' at work and he loved that. WELL WHO IN THE HECK ISN'T PLEASANT AT WORK? If we weren't, we'd probably be fired.<p>My H told a mutual friend during his affair that I was 'too intense' for him. He asked the friend why he got along so well with me and never seemed to notice. The friend told him because he could be with me, and then go home. He didn't have to live with my weaknesses. I think during an A, the parties involved only concentrate on all of the 'wonderful' qualities they see. But eventually reality seeps in and the novelty wears off. Nobody is at their best 24 hours a day. Also, my H was depressed so only focused on any negatives he saw in me which is natural during an affair also.