TowardsTheFuture:
[QB]I think it's pretty outrageous for ANY therapist to try to minimize the effects of something as monumental as childhood abuse and put it on the shelf...<p>TR- I don't think it's a matter of minimizing the effects of abuse..I think it's more about learning to realize that the abuser no longer controls you..and realizing that as an adult you have control over your own life now..and begining to really begin to live your life for yourself..<p>Instead of continuing to live as that scared little child you can make your own choices..and yes that comes with making hard choices..and the first being able to admit that you had no control over your abuse..and coming to terms with it..
accepting that yes this happened I hate that this
person did this to me..it was vile and horrid..
they committed a crime against me..they chose to commit this crime against me..now how will I deal with knowing that truth??? <p>1.I can hate "them," and not have a relationship
with them<p>2.I can hate "what they did" and still love them and continue a relationship with them..<p>3.I can hate what they did and choose not to have a relationship with them...<p>Then you've also got to come to terms with<p>1. Should I continue to keep this secret and protect them..<p>2. Tell what happened to me so that this does
not happen to anyone else...<p>3. Tell what happened to only a few people and never really face it because to really face means
I must face that I had no control over the situtation..and that tells everyone I am weak..<p>4. Tell what happened and risk nobody believing me
and destroying my family..(I love my family and
don't want to hurt them) everyone in my family will turn against me..and I'll be all alone..I'd rather have a horrible family than no family at all..<p>5. Tell what happened and risk everyone believing me and destroying the person I love so much..and feel guilty because You inflicted all this pain and heart ache on this other person..<p>So one must decide..are their feelings JUST as important as all of these other people?? If not
WHY NOT?? <p>Or are these other peoples feeling MORE
important than mine?? if so WHY are their feelings MORE important than mine?? Why aren't my feelings
JUST as important?? Am I not worthy?? <p>Well, if we continue to keep the secret and not admit what happened we are in essence saying we aren't worthy to feel hurt..we aren't worthy to feel anger..we aren't worthy of love..and everyone
else is..it sounds selfish to some people to admit they are worthy of being loved..their feelings ARE
JUST as important as everyone elses..THEY do COUNT!!! But in reality..they are worthy..they are just as important..and they deserve to be treated with the same respect as everyone else..and IT IS NOT SELFISH TO FEEL THAT WAY!!! It's called Self-respect..some may call it self actualization..they realize they are responsible for their own happiness..and that happiness comes from within..and not from what everyone else thinks or what others tell us to think about things--<p>God gave me these feelings..they are mine
and nobody else can tell me how to feel..nobody
can tell me how to think..because I have my own
brain to think with..they may not agree with me..
and thats okay because they have their own feelings and their own thoughts about things..and I can't control those either..just like they can't control how I think or feel..I don't always have to agree with everyone..I don't have to make everyone else happy..I don't have to do things that will intentionally hurt them..but if they are
hurt I can say I'm sorry..I can acknowledge I hurt them..and validate they have every right to those
feelings..and I can change my behaviors so that I don't hurt others..just as they can change their behaviors if they hurt me..if they choose not to change or I choose not to change..then we both have the option to end the relationship..based on that truth..<p>The truth will set you free...