Hi,<p>My H cheated on me with over 32 women. I cheated on him as well. <p>Once a cheater, always a cheater? <p>Hmmm....I honestly think, that once you cheat you take on the label of being a cheater. Will you always cheat? No, but you will always be labeled a cheater by your spouse no matter how many times you do it or even if it is just one time for the rest of your life. You go through recovery and this may change for some but not for all. The potential to do it again, for some, may still be lurking around. Your trust is forever changed as well as your M.<p>Don't live everyday thinking he will cheat on you. What kind of life is that? You knowing all this AND all about his past can and will haunt you your whole marriage if you let it. I think all you can do is take it one day at a time. Ask him up front, honest and openly (RADICAL HONESTY), what he is thinking. Ask him to get help. Know this though....you can't control him or make him do something he doesn't want to do. You can control what you do.<p>By all means, if your H has a sexual addiction, he needs help.<p>Take care
INTHECLOUDS

Deedee,
No I don't believe it, for a very important reason..there is not a person out there that cannot change if they want to.<p>My SO cheated many times on his wife. Unbeknownst to me, he was cheating on his girl friend when he met me. He also daid I was his salvation..eveything he looked for, emotionally, sexually, intellectually. and after 10 years, cheated on me.<p>This time he has started making some changes that have nothing to do with me..but for himself. He has started examining his beliefs, his actions as to WHY cheating has been a pancea for him. When he feels down, disillusioned he would find someone else to "make him feel better". Now, he's starting to realize that he has to make himself feel better. He's looking at how the whole mindset of having "someone else fix me" came into play. And he's learning (albiet much more slowly) his responsibility to make his needs known to his partner.<p> Until he comes to some conclusions he will always have the potential to cheat.<p>So that is what I look at..the willingness to change.
T

No.