Yep!!!! She saw an opening after chasing my husband for years. Gee, I honestly do not think that my mom dying would cause some turmoil for him, but hey a whore takes anything she can!

No I do not blame the many OW'en of my ex-h and my H for any marital problems. Those belong to my H and I. I do blame my H's for their affairs. They made those choices all by themselves. <p>And I do blame the OW'en, the ones who know my he (both he's) was married. I blame them for their part in flagerantly choosing to hurt me. Who the women were was not important to my H's, only that some woman was available. And there are no shortage of women (or men for that matter) who are more then happy to take up with a married man. So yes I blame the OW for what they did.

Mks,<p>I'm sorry about your situation. Sounds like a lot to go through all at once. I wish you the best and hope that things work out.<p>Zorweb,<p>I agree with you. You sound so strong. How is everything going?

RAINEFALL,<p>Things are going great with us. I've had my ups and downs over the last year. But we have (and I mean we) have survived them.<p>I have read your posts recently, seems that have come a long way too. What a difference a few months can make!!!!<p>[ May 08, 2002: Message edited by: zorweb ]</p>

Hm... I "blame" WS and OM for the A, not the problems in our M. I "blame" not dealing with the problems in our M on myself and my WW. <p>And, while I give equal "blame" to WW and OM for the A and diverting my W's attention from our M problems, I have a vested interest in rebuilding our M with my W, because I love her and once trusted her - and so I believe I can trust her again. OM, I don't give a flying f*** about what happens to him. I hope his W thrashes him within inches of his life (with apologies to Pink Floyd). No, I don't, but I do hope he faces what he's done to his family, rather than try to hide it. I don't respect him for HIS choice to have an A with my W, but I also don't have any vested interest in rebuilding my respect for him. He's going to have to live with his lack of integrity, if he thinks that's important to him. Once he's "gone" from our lives, I don't care what he does, so long as he doesn't ruin someone else's M by repeating his mistakes.<p>Heck, I'd even listen if he were to choose to post here, with the goal of rebuilding his own M. It'd take me some restraint to be civil if I chose to reply, but I'd try. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

I blame myself, H, and OW for the A. But only blame OW for the continued problems in our marriage(she is the only thing we fight about now) And she won't leave us alone.

I blame my WH and I for the state of our marriage before, during and after his A. At some points, he was more to blame, at others, I was more to blame. I blame the OW for trying to get a married man, and for disrespecting my place as my H's wife.

One more point, if she were to die today, we would still have the same hurdles to jump and bridges to burn in our marriage. That's marriage.

Well...I tend to look at things simple, being a simple country boy.........<p>The way I see it is this: (Simply)<p>If they wouldn't want it done to them, then by god they agreed to accept the blame when they did it to someone else.<p>"Nuff said....<p>HCII

Hello ALL!
Morning........just an update on where i am at. I have not heard form my WH since 2 weeks ago today. I DO NOT know his whereabouts for sure nor have I tried to find him.<p>I figure he is either concentrating on finding a new job since last I spoke with him he told me that he had lost his job. If he was telling me the truth about staying in the company apartment, then he also had to find somewhere to stay and he is having vehicle problems as well. Also, even though he denied my "confronting" him about his having contact with OW still, and we got into it as he told me that he was tired of me jumping him for everything that every "Tom, [censored] and Harry" told me. Well it was reliable sources that informed me and if the OW WAS NOT STILL IN CONTACT with him, how did she know about his truck problems and go help him. She is the one he went to for help with truck (OUR TRUCK), not me. In a matter of a little over a week from me letting him know what i knew, he lost job, had to find a place to live, had an ANGRY wife, and the truck to deal with.<p>A few days ago, I totally let go and placed my WH, our marriage in GOD'S HANDS. I no longer am having physical pain (headaches, stomach problems, shaking, trouble sleeping and etc.). I have this AMAZING PEACE AND CALM FEELING INSIDE NOW! I PRAY every chance I get. I have started reading and praying the prayers in (Power Of A Praying Wife, How To Survive An Affair, His Needs, Her Needs, Love Busters). But I am letting GOD lead my thoughts, actions, re-actions, words and etc. <p>My WH had really led me to believe for 1 1/2 years that we were re-building and OW was out of our lives. He was telling me he loved me and etc. Our biggest problem was the distance for 3 years. In August 2000 he resigned from place where all this began, went back to college and relocated to the city and started a new job. I am about 150 miles one way from him and OW is about 80 miles one way from him. His living in the city has made it possible to have 2 seperate lives, it also kept enough distance from OW, that it didn't have a chance to BURN OUT, I guess, but as we all know, any contact between them is a THREAT to our marriages.<p>Two weeks ago, I love busted all over the place. I threatened divorce if he didn't end it with her and get rid of her. Well.........he cut ME out of his life. Told me he was not telling me where he was at. That ripped me apart, just as bad or worse then the beginning of this. BUT, since i placed all this in GOD'S HANDS........I am amazed at the place I am now at. I even pray for the OW. I no longer have thoughts of revenge either and I have not and will not go "spy" on them.<p>Unlike most of you, my husband and I have no children, very little property to split up, so what is keeping him from just ending us?????? My WH is 40 and this OW is divorced and in her 50's, with a big nice fancy house, mini-van and MONEY....<p>I am 40, loved by WH family, we have history and we were married in "his" family home. I am here in our home and around his family. <p>If he is with her, so be it, maybe he'll see the light and come out from under the fog......if he is NOT WITH her and is job hunting then maybe he'll be able to see the time is come that he HAS TO END IT WITH her if he wants us.........<p>Either way, I am fine with it.......GOD IS THE POWERFUL one here and he WANTS to see marraiges last...........I in walking in FAITH with him and I will continue to do so..........I have asked him to heal me where I need it and make the changes in me that GOD feels I need work.......<p>I am not a Sunday morning church goer but I am a christian inside and I have an unstoppable love for my Father and Faith in him........this will turn out as GOD desires and he desires marriages to thrive........<p>I will not file.......I will leave it in my heavenly father's hands. In the meantime, I am taking care of me, learning through this site, reading MB books I just received, reading and praying "Power Of Praying Wife", as well as my own prayer's and using this time to grow "ME" in my personal relationship with my Father.<p>Even the loniliness has subsided..........<p>Just wanted to share......<p>(((((HUGS TO ALL)))))

Thanks for all the replies. I just want to say that I blame my h. and his OW for their a., I have specific reasons.<p>#1 OW knew we were having problems and that he moved out specifically for her.
#2 She wrote me a letter saying"I know that if I left him alone you guys could work out your problems, but I can't"
#3 She knew that we had found out 3 weeks earlier that I was pregnant.<p>So I blame her although my stbx's family blames me that she got hurt?!?<p>BetrayedAgain,<p>I know what you mean about the physical pain, once I decided to leave my h., the chest pain, the anxiety attacks, they all stopped. What better answer to your prayers? I'm glad you are feeling better.

RAINEFALL,<p>Hello,<p>Just to clarify a little. My WH moved out and left me and our home 4/99. Yes, his hidden motive was "OW". She knew we were having problems and I'm sure that it was her encouragement that led to his moving out. That was later shown through a 6 hour phone call that my WH made one night from our home phone, while I was a work, just days prior to moving out. I imagine she used his nearly discovered "heart condition"....as her grounds of encouragement as she is an LPN, the one whom he went through to see doctor and etc. My WH hid this from me and when I found out......we had one heck of a fight and that was the night he moved out. Also, "OW" was in process of starting her own divorce.<p>That was 3 years ago last month. I transfered back to work site near our home. I never left him, I am still here in our home and I have kept that door open to him all along. Last month I found out WH is still in contact with "OW". 2 weeks ago today is last I've heard from him and that was him informing me that he was tired of everyone having their nose stuck in his business, including me apparently as he has now CUT ME OFF. Last e-mail I sent to him was "TRUEHEARTS LETTER" once trueheart came out from under the fog......I sent that 5 days ago.<p>I have not left my WH. I simply have let go and placed him in GOD'S hands. Since then, all physical pain has left and I don't feel so alone. I now feel calm, peaceful and just have this "quiet knowing".......that my marriage will be healed someday and best is yet to come.......<p>(((((((HUGS)))))))