Nick -- Just checking in to see how you are doing. I agree with worthatry (and it made me laugh out loud too/something I really need now) in that your WW is a few fries short of a happy meal and that the financial support reason on your WW's part is horse hockey. I think you live in the UK so maybe you are not familiar with a happy meal and horse hockey, but suffice it to say that your WW and my WH (and most of the wayward spouses you read about on this site) are unhappy with themselves and are using their spouses as a convenient excuse for why they are not happy and using the fantasy of the affair and the OP or OW as an escape from having to deal with themselves. <p>I am sure there are some WW who truly were in bad marriages that maybe cannot be fixed and have found love somewhere else. However, I am coming to see more and more that affairs are an escape from reality. <p>Try to plan A as long as you can. It is really hard. I have bitten my tongue so many times it's a wonder I have any taste buds left. I have turned the other cheek when my WH has said some terrible things. I do think you have an advantage with the OM so far away. It may not seem like that right now, but for those of us whose spouses have either left to be with OM or are supposedly on their own "trying to sort out their heads", it is much easier to try and show what a good person you are through plan A when you have your WW there with you.

(Update to my situation)<p>Thanks unsureheart for your comments &#8211; of course you are right, but after talks like I had yesterday, doubts remain:<p>Had another deep talk with WW yesterday. I gave her a copy of the EN questionnaire and asked her if she wanted to fill it out? Well, she didn&#8217;t. Says, she knows me well enough and that we are too different anyway. And then she started ranting the same old story about how energised she is with OM, how depressed with me, how close she feels to him, how they can talk hours and hours, how they understand each other without saying a word, how they can work together and build musical notes into art (both are musicians), how I am a nice guy basically but just the wrong one, how her problems and frustrations really started ten years ago when we met, how she hates doing things according to &#8220;a plan&#8221; and just wants to be spontaneous, what a disaster my inlaws are, how much more understanding and caring OM vis a vis our daughter is etc etc.<p>*** OUCH ***<p>I kept very calm and understanding (well, that's the fog - waddaya want) but I mentioned to her that I&#8217;m not sure if I can let our daughter go with her if she seriously considers leaving me (given they don&#8217;t have any plan at all, no money/income, she doesn&#8217;t have a visa even etc etc) upon which she got REALLY pissed. <p>Further comments from her side were: She wants a quick divorce so she can quickly marry OM (will solve the visa problems she will have when moving to US to OM), she wants to quickly sell the house (as neither she nor OM have any money nor income, so she can use the proceeds from the house &#8220;for a fresh start&#8221 ) and she expects me to play ball and help her find happiness, for her and our daughter&#8217;s sake, who will - of course &#8211; move with her as she doesn&#8217;t want our daughter to become &#8220;emotionally disabled&#8221; like I am. And: the fact that I am even considering having our daughter is blackmail with which I am trying to control her. The same is true for not agreeing to a quick divorce, as this is &#8220;blackmailing&#8221; her financially. I made the point that I cant trust OM with daughter and he never can be a daddy to her - to which she repllied "don't worry - he will have his own children".<p>*** DOUBLE OUCH ***<p>Today, she is back to normal, did her theory test for the driving exam and we chatted as nothing happened on the phone. She tries to do some computer classes and asked me for my advice (which I gave). The thing will cost several thousand bucks, which I will/have to pay (should I?).
Then she called several times my mobile, but frankly I am too tired to answer.<p>
Sorry for the long rant, but at least it&#8217;s off the chest.<p>Comments & support appreciated<p>
PS - the beginning of my rollercoaster journey can be found at<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=29&t=001451<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=29&t=001518<p>[ May 16, 2002: Message edited by: Nick123 ]<p>[ May 16, 2002: Message edited by: Nick123 ]</p>