"She says she is doing this for herself and that OM has nothing to do with her decision"<p>ROTFLMAO! Classic fogese! Yeah right OM has nothing to do with it. He has everything to do with it right now. Even though the A started in September, the clock doesn't really start ticking on the "affair death watch" clock until it hits the light of day. Sounds like that happened in December. That's not very long! Two months is not long at all. It's true that most affairs die within 6 months and almost all within 2 years. As an example, my WW's A has been going on for likely 10 months, 5 since d-day. And just recently I'm starting to have some hope!<p>What do I suggest? Read, read, read. Then read some more! There's SO many reasons that A's die, but we can do nothing to hasten such a death. All we can do is work on ourselves with a view towards becoming the ideal spouse for the future - with or without our WS.<p>If you look at the anatomy of my W's A, you'd see something like this:<p>Month 1 - we were both so stressed out that nothing was accomplished at all - she tried to break it off right around d-day but failed miserably. I LB'ed a bit and was needy, but did discover that I needed to accept her viewpoint, agree that I contributed to the failures in the M, and generally try to keep sane.<p>Month 2 - she was very surprised by this point, I think, that I hadn't flown into a rage and left her. That's what she was expecting. The fact that I was being patient and kind, although it's always been a key part of my character, was something she forgot about, obviously. I found us a local counselor. We started individual sessions, because she didn't want to "work on us". Around this time, I tried getting us to do some fun things together, but she was so clearly unhappy about me and spending time together, that there was a general sense of dread in the air. Sometime here I discovered MB.<p>Month 3 - We plodded ahead. Her anger towards me came and went. She said lots of foggy things, but not quite as raw as before. I think my passiveness made it hard for her to attack me. Kind of like shooting someone without a gun - not natural! I was starting to feel very much used at this point.<p>Month 4 - We took a trip back home for Christmas. She was incredibly upset for much of the trip. She treated me coldly in front of family and I'm shocked no-one put two and two together. Her fog talk was changing a bit. She was admitting that I was being so good to her, etc. We had 1 or 2 joint counseling sessions. I think she and OM had already had some "falling out" around this time. She admitted that she didn't trust either of us! I was becoming very exhausted from Plan A.<p>Month 5 - We continued to have good and bad days. Her fog talk was becoming more "confusing" - not so much anger directed at me, but her trying to figure things out. I was giving her absolutely no reasons to be angry with me. I started distancing myself a bit, indirectly implied that I was getting on with my life, started doing things for myself, and generally trying my best to be happy.<p>Month 6 - Current month. My efforts to be happy are becoming more concrete now, I think, and I think she notices that. I can speculate that things are starting to improve somewhat. She's gone away to a conference. Before she left, she was saying some things that almost sounded non-fog-based. But we'll see. I've come to expect nothing.<p>Why mention all of this? To let you know that the process can be kind of long and torturous! But there is hope - if you keep focused.
