I had quite a day yesterday! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I wondered what I should wear for my meeting with my atty – considered my black satin and velvet ‘Elvira Queen of the Darkness’ dress as it was Halloween but then decided against it as atty probably would taken one look and wouldn’t have blamed WH for leaving me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Wore funky French Connection black cords (my most expensive trousers), black T and floaty hippy overshirt from Mango. Drenched self in CK One. Donned antique silver jewellery. Put on new Converse boots. Set out.

Walked 2 brisk miles to atty’s office, and got there with five minutes to spare.

When I told atty that I wanted to file, a big smile lit up her face, like ‘what took you so long?’ She got out a big pad of paper and a sturdy pen. Asked me what I wanted.

I’m filing on the grounds of adultery. No chance of WH being able to contest it, as adultery was admitted on April 2nd and he’s been living with the Omelette since April 3rd. The Omelette will be named in the papers, which is satisfying, and means she will have her own paperwork to fill in and return to the court. Best of all, her name is down for all time as a treacherous husband-stealer and home-wrecker in the court records of this kingdom. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Atty warned me that the fact that she had to fill out her own paperwork might slow things down, but I don’t care. I bet Omelette gets her paperwork filled out in a flash, anyway.

I’m going for everything I can get. As it is a fault-based divorce, WH and OW will pay for it, for a start. My main worry was the house. There’s no way I can afford to buy WH out, as I’m on welfare and have no career to go back to, even if I’m able to work (more on that later). Atty suggested that we could keep the house in our joint names, even after the divorce, and have WH continue to pay the mortgage until DD5 finishes school. She said the only disadvantage to this would be that WH wouldn’t be able to get another mortgage in his own right. Sounds like an advantage to me – serves him right. He can continue renting scummy rat holes with OW and pay for a decent place for his children like a man, IMHO. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I want half his pension, too, unless I remarry. Atty scribbled this down happily. I want hefty maintenance payments from him. Atty’s pen was smoking. My illness means that I might not be able to work for long periods; although I’m not registered as disabled as yet, it’s probably going to happen. WH left me knowing that I had this incurable illness, in fact partly left me because of it. He has a problem with vomiting, diarrhoea and bleeding bowels, and the grouchiness that accompanies such. But my bowels will not be ignored and must be compensated! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

As for the girls, I am going for full custody, with WH having DDs every other weekend, and two weeks over the summer break. I have a feeling he may attempt to contest this, but he hasn’t a chance of getting anything more.

My atty said it will probably be a couple of weeks before WH is actually served, so in the mean time would I like her to send him a letter informing him of my decision to divorce him? I said yes please. Atty says great. She will tell him to supply details of his financial situation to her.

She said that it is quite possible that, going by WH’s past record in dealing with her, that he won’t actually respond to the petition in the first instance (he hasn’t replied to any correspondence she’s sent him so far). She said if he doesn’t respond, would it be a good idea to have him served at work (a Catholic boy’s school). I said, absolutely. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I asked her if it’s common for WH’s to act this way, avoiding reality, when they insist all they want is to be divorced. She said that some think the best way to proceed is just to bury their heads in the sand. We tut-tut and shake our heads at WHs. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I left atty’s office and walked home, feeling light and bouncy. In the house, I scraped out a large pumpkin, ready to be carved when DDs get home from school. DD5 drew the face on, and DD12 cut it out with her custom-designed pumpkin carving kit.

DDs got dressed up for Trick-or-Treating. DD12 was Morticia, DD5 was a little witch. DD12 painted DD5’s face green (with brown wart accessories), and put eyebrow pencil all the way across, so she had one eyebrow. She looked properly hideous. DD12 looked altogether too attractive. She’s growing up so fast.

I went out as ‘Corpse Mom’. I painted my face white, put huge dark circles under my eyes, applied purple lipstick, and backcombed my hair and put dead leaves in it. And, dang it all, I wore the Elvira dress. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

We Trick-or-Treated. We amassed a great hoard.

I came home, scraped as much makeup off myself and the girls as I could, and after getting them to bed, I collapsed myself. I had a great day, all in all. One to remember, for various reasons.

Now I’m off to make Lantern Soup for my lunch. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

A true woman with a real mission! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
You sound good, Alph!

You ROCK!!! Best of luck to you Alph.

Take care,

~Jamie~

Sounds you did great, Alph.

Alphin, you amaze me! I am LOL at this quote. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

My WH left me knowing HE had an incurable disease. What can I say. Life is sometimes upside down and inside out. Alphin, hope your health holds up to get through this tough time. Hope you get everything due to you to keep you and your daughters well provided for. I'll raise my glass to you. Clink. TT

Good for you Alphin! You seem to be doing just fine.Now wait for the results...

huh?

I'm ignorant ... what is "lantern soup" ?

Good going Alphin! You are making great strides. Ditto on the lantern soup question? Are you using pumpkin guts or something?

Firstly, thanks to everyone for their kind words of encouragement, and for not making me feel like a failure for beginning D proceedings (even though this is a marriage building forum).

Secondly - Lantern Soup. Pumpkin guts, yes. Also sweet potatoes, onion, sage and haricot beans.

Yummy.

Alph.

Alphin, I do wish we had some of those divorce rules here in the New World.

You can't save it on your own, you can only try, and only for a while. And you were never obligated to, is what I think.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

GC

Thanks, Graycloud.

Single moms can get a good deal in the UK, it's true. And I have a good solicitor who seems very dedicated to looking after the interests of my children.

I'm pretty sure that I always cared more about STBX more than he did about me. I think he separated himself from me emotionally a long time ago.

Ah well.

Alph.

You go girl!!!

Milk

Good for you Alphin!

And, this is a line for the ages:

“my bowels will not be ignored and must be compensated!”

I think his bowels are going to do something when he gets your terms.

Thank you Milk & Aphelion.

Aphelion, I hope he c**ps his pants. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I watched 'Along Came Polly' with DD12 last night. Ben Stiller's character is left by his wife on their honeymoon for a nudist scuba instructer. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

It really hit home for poor DD12. She was in tears. Kept trying to hide them for my sake behind her popcorn bowl. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Ah well. At least STBX and I got beyond our honeymoon...

Alph.

What a shame cos it's meant to be such a funny film. Try "Duplex" with Ben Stiller and Drew Barrymore. The old lady who lives upstairs is like my old Irish grandma. We all really enjoyed it and there's nothing to upset your DD12 in it. TT

Thanks TT. I'll do that.

How are you doing?

Alph.

Moi - Je suis doing well today. I have good days and bad days. When I feel bad, I find myself obsessed about my WH with the same old ****** going over and over in my mind. But I haven't seen him for two weeks and am much better with NC. It's not always possible - we still have things we need to talk about (like 3 children!). November promises good things for me. I am organising the tombola at the school fair and have been really busy (very big primary school - 700 kids), I'm going on a 4 day trip to Beijing and my best friend from England is coming for 6 days. Am dreading Xmas though. TT

That sounds fantastic! Hope you have a great time.


I am too, although I'm spending it with my in-laws (or perhaps because we're spending it with them!). It's better than being on my own with the girls, but it's still going to be very weird without STBX.

Can't imagine it really.

Alph.

Last Xmas, we were on much better terms although we'd just separated. The kids called him at 7.00 am and said "daddy, we're not opening the presents until you're here". He came really quickly. We spent the day together, I cooked the turkey and really, it was as nice as any other Xmas we'd had. But this year it's different. I am so uncomfortable in his company now (how does that happen with the one you've been closest to?) and I know we can't fake it. I haven't the cash to get back to England to my family and most friends are all in "happy couples". So my favourite time of year has a whole new feel to it, and I don't like it.