Hi Leemc,

in case you are still reading, or someone else is reeding this, there are a few steps to be taken, as Brainhurts has already suggested:

1. You have not followed the steps to recover from he affair. You can find them under the link she provided.
2. Dragging up the affair after so many years is not in your best interest. If it is truly in the past, you don't want to drag it into the present.
3. The fact that the thought came back after so many years, is understandable, regarding the state of your marriage, but getting the details after so many years is not your priority. Your priority should be to get your wife and yourself to have one hack of a fantastic marriage and being madly in love. In that case, you would not bother finding the battery driven device that you did, because the two of you would be fulfilling each other's needs.

Your problem #1: Your wife is not in live with you and you are not in love with her. Your relationship is more like housemates and boring at best or irritating or worse. Please read everything about the basic concepts here: Basic Conceptshttps://www.marriagebuilders.com/basic-concepts.htm, especially the love bank, love busters and emotional needs. That will help you get on your way to make your marriage a real and loving marriage again.

After you feel in love again, I am quite sure that you don't have a need to revisit an affair that is long in the past, as it sounds as if you and your wife steered clear of new affairs and killed the old one.
If there is anything in the present though, you may want to read the q&a articles on how to proceed if an affair is affecting your marriage.

Your plan:
a. Ask your wife if she will do the program with you, as you would love to be as close as in the beginning of your relationship, because she is so important to you. (that has a better success rate then: I hate the state of our marriage). If she does not want to, ask her to fill out the love busters and emotional needs questionnaires to help you be a better person and if she does not even do that, just begin by yourself. A man can make his wife fall in love with him.
b. Refrain from any love busters on your part. (You can probably think of some things she has complained about in the past)
c. Get her out of the house for activities that you both like for "dates", try some variety though as it is more effective if you are trying new things.
d. Don't pressure for sex right now. She obviously has the need, so once she falls in love with you, it will more than likely solve itself.

Take care and God bless!

Happyheart